matt_1987 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 hello everybody! I am new to this place so I apologize if I am doing something wrong in advance (like posting something that has been already discussed elsewhere)! I'd like to get some advice from you guys, I'll try to make the long story short and go straight to the point. Started a relationship in April 2012, went well until july 2012 then she moved back to england where she is from (i live in italy). Started a long distance realtionship and kept it going for a year or so (you come to see me/i come to see you every month or so). Around the begininng of 2013 things started getting problematic on my side: I am bored, I see opportunities everywhere and I am no longer that eager to see her. She notices and suffers a lot from it, and we end up splitting up last summer. After dumping her I realise how important she actually is, and consecuently try to gain her back. We meet a couple of times, feel good with each other but same problems arise. BOTTOMLINE: can't keep this long distance this going, we either move in together or we split. I was really afraid to committ, I felt it was too early in my life (I just turned 26, she' 23) and the premises weren't looking good enough, so I went for the latter option. to me, that's a clear case of G.I.G.S from my side, the dumper. I am very confused: when she was with me I took her for granted, now I think about her everyday (she's working in france, I'm pretty sure she chose to go there to "clear up her mind of me"). We agreed to keep in touch (big mistake I know, but we are both too weak at this point to go NC I guess). She wrote me for my bday (nov 11th), I wrote her for her (nov 30th), and the a couple of other times plus xmas wishes...we have been in touch. last time I IMed her on whatsapp I felt she was a bit cold and distant, and this hurt me a lot (she usually was very sweet and open to me). I am puzzled about what to do. After we met the last time (we went for a short holyday together), the moment of the split at the airport was pure pain. then i was ok for a while, but the last week has been hell: I think about her CONSTANTLY, 24/7. She is in france until the end of march...and I'm pretty much lost... Thanks for your time people...
David87 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 hello everybody! I am new to this place so I apologize if I am doing something wrong in advance (like posting something that has been already discussed elsewhere)! I'd like to get some advice from you guys, I'll try to make the long story short and go straight to the point. Started a relationship in April 2012, went well until july 2012 then she moved back to england where she is from (i live in italy). Started a long distance realtionship and kept it going for a year or so (you come to see me/i come to see you every month or so). Around the begininng of 2013 things started getting problematic on my side: I am bored, I see opportunities everywhere and I am no longer that eager to see her. She notices and suffers a lot from it, and we end up splitting up last summer. After dumping her I realise how important she actually is, and consecuently try to gain her back. We meet a couple of times, feel good with each other but same problems arise. BOTTOMLINE: can't keep this long distance this going, we either move in together or we split. I was really afraid to committ, I felt it was too early in my life (I just turned 26, she' 23) and the premises weren't looking good enough, so I went for the latter option. to me, that's a clear case of G.I.G.S from my side, the dumper. I am very confused: when she was with me I took her for granted, now I think about her everyday (she's working in france, I'm pretty sure she chose to go there to "clear up her mind of me"). We agreed to keep in touch (big mistake I know, but we are both too weak at this point to go NC I guess). She wrote me for my bday (nov 11th), I wrote her for her (nov 30th), and the a couple of other times plus xmas wishes...we have been in touch. last time I IMed her on whatsapp I felt she was a bit cold and distant, and this hurt me a lot (she usually was very sweet and open to me). I am puzzled about what to do. After we met the last time (we went for a short holyday together), the moment of the split at the airport was pure pain. then i was ok for a while, but the last week has been hell: I think about her CONSTANTLY, 24/7. She is in france until the end of march...and I'm pretty much lost... Thanks for your time people... If u are suffering how do you think she is? She suffered 100 times more than you did. You broke her heart in 1000 pices when you dumped her, think about that when she is distant to you.
Author matt_1987 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 If u are suffering how do you think she is? She suffered 100 times more than you did. You broke her heart in 1000 pices when you dumped her, think about that when she is distant to you. is this supposed to be helpful?
David87 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 is this supposed to be helpful? Yes it is, you have to really think if you can commit and if you really love her and not dump her ever again.
Author matt_1987 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Yes it is, you have to really think if you can commit and if you really love her and not dump her ever again. I do understand this...what I didn't really get is your first post reminding me about all the pain that I caused her...you think I don't know? that I don't deal with the choice I made everyday?
strive Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 david is trying to make you think about the other side of the coin. we know you're suffering, but she is suffering more because she felt rejected by you. you already know all the wrong things you did (take her for granted, etc) and you know you think about her all the time, but you still don't want to commit to her. that's unfair. stop contacting her. its for you and her so you both can heal and get over each other. if you respect her at all, don't string her along with breadcrumbs. bottom line is you don't want to commit. go NC, it's for the best for everyone. 2
Author matt_1987 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 we know you're suffering, but she is suffering more because she felt rejected by you. you already know all the wrong things you did (take her for granted, etc) and you know you think about her all the time, but you still don't want to commit to her. that's unfair. I believe it would have been unfair to keep her on breadcrumbs for my whole relationship...I guess the distance made me realize how hard it was to keep it going and there was no other option but committing..or letting her go...I dont think it was an easy choice either to "dump her" (god do I hate this word), I could have trodden on greener grass and she would have never noticed (distance is a great shield)...obviously, this thought never remotely crossed my mind... I am still in a whirwind of contradicting feelings, and I my thought is obsviously biased. But maybe you guys are right: bottomline is I am not as mature as i thought I was, and this relationship proved it. Maybe is time for me to take a hard look at myself and see what I want to do with my file...also in terms of relationships. I need to grow up. Thanks a lot for your feedback. 1
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