Ex messaged merry christmas. breaking NC and greeting him for NYE?

[shakepig]

Guys, this is my first thread, really need some help

 

EX broke up with me out of blue right after my birthday and 2 weeks before Christmas and during my final week! ( best timing) He asked to remain friends and still wanted me to watch his band shows( he is a bass player in a band). I said no. I went directly to NC for 2 weeks (deleted his number but still having him on the fb friend list).

 

On Christmas, he messaged me on fb saying:

 

EX : Merry Christmas( my name)!

me: Thank you. Merry Christmas. ( after 20 mins, did I break NC rule???)

EX: Thank you so much ( i was like "for what??" why he said this?)

 

I didnt reply since there is no need. My question is "should I be a bigger person, greeting him first for NYE since he greeted me first for Christmas?"

I am thinking to message something simple like happy new year, have a wonderful year ahead.

 

Idk.. Actually I have been moving on and feeling better. The moment when I got the merry christmas message including my name from him, I went directly back to square one...

 

Advice please... we broke up on a good term and some part of me still wants him back...

[pickflicker]

Yes. NC means NC. So no breaking it, even if they message you.

[KatZee]

Yes, you broke no contact.

 

And no, do not message him on NYE.

 

You need to be STRICT NC. You should not have responded to his message, and you need to delete him off Facebook.

 

You're basically good enough to be a friend, but not good enough to date. The fact that he can throw you into the friend zone that damn fast shows that he was over you way before he pulled the plug on the relationship.

 

Don't think that if you are his "friend" that one day he'll want you back or take you back, or realize what he threw away. He won't. You're his emotional crutch right now the more you respond to him, or if you initiate well wishes.

 

He dumped you. He didn't want to be with you. So give him what he wanted. Remove yourself from his life. Facebook. Do not respond to texts, and most certainly DO NOT initiate communication with him.

[shakepig]

Yes. NC means NC. So no breaking it, even if they message you.

 

 

The breaking up was sad and peaceful one. I was too sad and shocked to give back any reaction. No arguing, no fighting. I kept all my feelings to myself afterwards.

 

He must be thinking i'm not hurt that much and it's no biggie since our exclusive relationship is quite short term. So i didnt want to sound bitter( actually I am) and messaged him back.

 

so not suggesting to initiate the message for NYE? What if he is sending me first again? ignore it?

[pickflicker]

The breaking up was sad and peaceful one. I was too sad and shocked to give back any reaction. No arguing, no fighting. I kept all my feelings to myself afterwards.

 

He must be thinking i'm not hurt that much and it's no biggie since our exclusive relationship is quite short term. So i didnt want to sound bitter( actually I am) and messaged him back.

 

so not suggesting to initiate the message for NYE? What if he is sending me first again? ignore it?

 

Don't initiate and don't respond. You're a ghost. Ok?

[shakepig]

Yes, you broke no contact.

 

And no, do not message him on NYE.

 

You need to be STRICT NC. You should not have responded to his message, and you need to delete him off Facebook.

 

You're basically good enough to be a friend, but not good enough to date. The fact that he can throw you into the friend zone that damn fast shows that he was over you way before he pulled the plug on the relationship.

 

Don't think that if you are his "friend" that one day he'll want you back or take you back, or realize what he threw away. He won't. You're his emotional crutch right now the more you respond to him, or if you initiate well wishes.

 

He dumped you. He didn't want to be with you. So give him what he wanted. Remove yourself from his life. Facebook. Do not respond to texts, and most certainly DO NOT initiate communication with him.

 

not good enough.... this thought has been killing me...

[shakepig]

Don't initiate and don't respond. You're a ghost. Ok?

 

he is long gone, right? i hate the fact that he took 10 secs to send me a fb message and like two of my fb pics, and I have to go all the back to square one, it's so unfair..... I have only been on his mind for 10 secs...

[pickflicker]

he is long gone, right? i hate the fact that he took 10 secs to send me a fb message and like two of my fb pics, and I have to go all the back to square one, it's so unfair..... I have only been on his mind for 10 secs...

 

Yes, he's gone. He was gone the minute he dumped you.

 

Remember...ghost!

[chris21422]

so why exactly you still keeping your ex in your Facebook?

 

You need to disappear from his life and your not doing it by keeping him in there..

 

removing him in there doesn't change the fact if he wants to get back together or not.

[shakepig]

Yes, he's gone. He was gone the minute he dumped you.

 

Remember...ghost!

 

okay. be invisible then. everyone is talking about the second chance. there is no way the dumper will come back, isnt there? he said things like "you are not the right one for me, we didnt really click"... i lost my self-esteem completely..

[KatZee]

okay. be invisible then. everyone is talking about the second chance. there is no way the dumper will come back, isnt there? he said things like "you are not the right one for me, we didnt really click"... i lost my self-esteem completely..

 

Yes, sometimes dumpers do come back. But not when they say ^^^^.

 

Time to really move on. No more contact. Ever. He's not a friend. He's your ex. The ex that said you weren't the one for him.

[shakepig]

so why exactly you still keeping your ex in your Facebook?

 

You need to disappear from his life and your not doing it by keeping him in there..

 

removing him in there doesn't change the fact if he wants to get back together or not.

 

because i am stupid enough to believe "out of sight, out of mind".. wanna show him that i'm doing okay without him... posting vocation pics and pics with friends... i know this is stupid. we dont have many mutual friends, so fb would be sadly our only connection ( but we live like 2 mins away, which is f**ed up, i will bump into him sooner or later)..

 

it's really hard to cut all ties and let him go.... i dont know..

[pickflicker]

okay. be invisible then. everyone is talking about the second chance. there is no way the dumper will come back, isnt there? he said things like "you are not the right one for me, we didnt really click"... i lost my self-esteem completely..

 

He's telling you it's over. You need to listen to that.

[shakepig]

Yes, sometimes dumpers do come back. But not when they say ^^^^.

 

Time to really move on. No more contact. Ever. He's not a friend. He's your ex. The ex that said you weren't the one for him.

 

 

i am still daydreaming if there is something I could do to let him grow affections for me.. we have been dating exclusively for a very short period time and he already decided i am not the one for him.. he said sweet things all the time and it seems we did click... so many unanswered questions. I should have asked him instead of just keeping to myself...

[shakepig]

He's telling you it's over. You need to listen to that.

 

why he still reached out to me on Christmas? just a nice gesture ?

[pickflicker]

why he still reached out to me on Christmas? just a nice gesture ?

 

Fishing. Just seeing if you're still there.

[HorseLuck]

It's going to set you back again if you send or receive a text from him. Sending a NYE wish accomplishes nothing. He doesn't deserve a well wishing text from you. Be strong.

[shakepig]

Fishing. Just seeing if you're still there.

 

 

if he wants me to be out of his life, why on earth he cares about if I am still there? boost his confidence? walk all over me again? what does he want ???

i'm glad I was just being cold and polite... tell me i didnt make a big mistake by sending back thank you and merry christmas...

[pickflicker]

if he wants me to be out of his life, why on earth he cares about if I am still there? boost his confidence? walk all over me again? what does he want ???

i'm glad I was just being cold and polite... tell me i didnt make a big mistake by sending back thank you and merry christmas...

 

It's an ego boost. Don't play into it.

 

Yes, you made a mistake, but that's ok, it's very easily corrected, and it starts with ignoring any and all attempts by him to reach out, and not making any attempts yourself.

 

Unless he clearly and specifically says "I'm sorry, I screwed up, I want another chance", nothing else he says to you is worthy of a response. Not even if he's hospitalised and zombies have eaten his face off. Ok?

[shakepig]

It's going to set you back again if you send or receive a text from him. Sending a NYE wish accomplishes nothing. He doesn't deserve a well wishing text from you. Be strong.

 

Absolutely right. I am NOT going to initiate anything with him.

I have been beating myself up since he said i am not the right one for him and we didnt click.. thinking it's all my own fault..

 

am i not good enough? not sexually attractive? Language barrier ( I'm a foreigner and he is an american)?

[pickflicker]

Absolutely right. I am NOT going to initiate anything with him.

I have been beating myself up since he said i am not the right one for him and we didnt click.. thinking it's all my own fault..

 

am i not good enough? not sexually attractive? Language barrier ( I'm a foreigner and he is an american)?

 

I'll let you in on a little secret. In these types of break ups, it is always about the dumper, not about the dumpee. You didn't do anything wrong. It's his own shortcomings, not yours.

[chris21422]

You wanna show your doing better without him..

 

again this route will go no where.. It's still about him. Your not gonna heal doing this way.. Your doing it for him. Your thinking he might change his mind if he see your doing good without him.

 

Why not do things for yourself not for someone who decide to live his life without you..

 

 

because i am stupid enough to believe "out of sight, out of mind".. wanna show him that i'm doing okay without him... posting vocation pics and pics with friends... i know this is stupid. we dont have many mutual friends, so fb would be sadly our only connection ( but we live like 2 mins away, which is f**ed up, i will bump into him sooner or later)..

 

it's really hard to cut all ties and let him go.... i dont know..

[shakepig]

It's an ego boost. Don't play into it.

 

Yes, you made a mistake, but that's ok, it's very easily corrected, and it starts with ignoring any and all attempts by him to reach out, and not making any attempts yourself.

 

Unless he clearly and specifically says "I'm sorry, I screwed up, I want another chance", nothing else he says to you is worthy of a response. Not even if he's hospitalised and zombies have eaten his face off. Ok?

 

Thanks Pick... I've already given him too many ego boosts. Right after he was done breaking up and left, I tried to remove his number from my phone but accidentally dialed it out. I hang up right away and texted him explaining that i was trying to delete his number( bad move i know..). but i was worried that he might think i was trying to be mean and trying to hurt him somehow. I kinda explained myself and apologized in a fb message the day after.. saying that i didnt mean to be mean, deleting your number make easier for me to move on and get over it and thanks for the memories ( another bad move).. he was like ohh, i totally understand, didnt blame on you for it at all. and thank you for the memories too, i wont forget you that's for sure....

 

this is so wrong... he must be feeling good about himself... S**t...

[pickflicker]

Thanks Pick... I've already given him too many ego boosts. Right after he was done breaking up and left, I tried to remove his number from my phone but accidentally dialed it out. I hang up right away and texted him explaining that i was trying to delete his number( bad move i know..). but i was worried that he might think i was trying to be mean and trying to hurt him somehow. I kinda explained myself and apologized in a fb message the day after.. saying that i didnt mean to be mean, deleting your number make easier for me to move on and get over it and thanks for the memories ( another bad move).. he was like ohh, i totally understand, didnt blame on you for it at all. and thank you for the memories too, i wont forget you that's for sure....

 

this is so wrong... he must be feeling good about himself... S**t...

 

It's fine, don't worry about it. Now is the time to start doing the right thing, so set small goals for yourself. Your first goal, is to ingore a message on NYE, and not send one. Then when that's done, make your next goal.

[shakepig]

You wanna show your doing better without him..

 

again this route will go no where.. It's still about him. Your not gonna heal doing this way.. Your doing it for him. Your thinking he might change his mind if he see your doing good without him.

 

Why not do things for yourself not for someone who decide to live his life without you..

 

I should def listen to you. I need better myself for my own sake.

 

How should i react if i bump into him in future for the first time ? ( it's bound to happen since we live 2 mins away and work in the same area...) what should i do if he waves and says hi?