Little_Confused Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Hi, so i broke up several months ago. We were constantly in contact after break up, met several times. it seemed like we are still in a relationship, although we called it trying to get back, and well nothing was working out. if we met, we just hugged. we never talked all things through. Either he was exhausted, or I was too tired and all we wanted is stay a bit together to forget all this huge mess. we didn't kiss, didn't sleep together, nothing just hug and talk a bit. So we are in different countries for christmas. both changed numbers, blocked each other from social media contacts, apart from email. and the conversation still was happening. Until I couldn't stand it any more. I was the one who always wanted to get back together and remained consistent in my emotions, he was the one who kept changing his mind. We broke up on mutual agreement. The final bit - he got angry because of his work, and then spilled the beans on me, stating that we are all over. I emailed him saying that there were many nice memories together, I cherished him and this is his choice. Good Bye and have a good year. The next day he sent me 3 emails: 1st) about that we didn't have big problems, we were creating them from little things, that he has several jobs now and does not want me to waste my life waiting for him. wished a good year 2nd) he is all fed up from too much work, angry at himself. things didn't work out due to too much work. he thinks I am a good looking great girl who will find happiness, be happy 3rd) he said - we can meet up, we can be together, there may be a future for us. but currently we both need to grow up. don't take it as the final end. however, he needs to cut all of the contact for sometime. if during that time I will find someone else, let it be as long as I am happy. I emailed him the next day, saying that "we both made mistakes. it will take time to rethink all and become better persons for new relationship. I wished him good holidays and in the new year to cherish more the ones/e whom he loves. Bye" It seems that it is a mutual goodbye, isn't it? Still I am confused. What is this all about? I mean if you think there may be future together, why do you have to cut ALL contact? is he playing? we are both between 25-30 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Little_Confused Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 any help, thoughts or advice? I would very much appreciate it Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Sorry but he is telling you its over. Pretty clear on that but he is keeping his options open in case his life does not work out without you. He has the power and he knows you are on a piece of string. Stop letting him be in control. Ingore him and see what happens. I bet he tries to contact you. Ignore, ignore, until he begs you. Then you know you were plan b. Hi, so i broke up several months ago. We were constantly in contact after break up, met several times. it seemed like we are still in a relationship, although we called it trying to get back, and well nothing was working out. if we met, we just hugged. we never talked all things through. Either he was exhausted, or I was too tired and all we wanted is stay a bit together to forget all this huge mess. we didn't kiss, didn't sleep together, nothing just hug and talk a bit. So we are in different countries for christmas. both changed numbers, blocked each other from social media contacts, apart from email. and the conversation still was happening. Until I couldn't stand it any more. I was the one who always wanted to get back together and remained consistent in my emotions, he was the one who kept changing his mind. We broke up on mutual agreement. The final bit - he got angry because of his work, and then spilled the beans on me, stating that we are all over. I emailed him saying that there were many nice memories together, I cherished him and this is his choice. Good Bye and have a good year. The next day he sent me 3 emails: 1st) about that we didn't have big problems, we were creating them from little things, that he has several jobs now and does not want me to waste my life waiting for him. wished a good year 2nd) he is all fed up from too much work, angry at himself. things didn't work out due to too much work. he thinks I am a good looking great girl who will find happiness, be happy 3rd) he said - we can meet up, we can be together, there may be a future for us. but currently we both need to grow up. don't take it as the final end. however, he needs to cut all of the contact for sometime. if during that time I will find someone else, let it be as long as I am happy. I emailed him the next day, saying that "we both made mistakes. it will take time to rethink all and become better persons for new relationship. I wished him good holidays and in the new year to cherish more the ones/e whom he loves. Bye" It seems that it is a mutual goodbye, isn't it? Still I am confused. What is this all about? I mean if you think there may be future together, why do you have to cut ALL contact? is he playing? we are both between 25-30 years old. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Little_Confused Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 But then, if he just plays around, why not just to offer be friends? Why he needs to vanish away from all contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Do you really want to be friends with a guy that plays around???? YOU should be the one not contacting! Dont be his pet! Stop contacting and block him from your life on social media etc...Trust me we have all been where you are now. Most of us here learned the hard way. So try this. But then, if he just plays around, why not just to offer be friends? Why he needs to vanish away from all contact? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2fargone Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 It's immature. It is my firm believe that if 2 people want to be together and love eachother, they should not break up in the first place. See eachother less, talk less, 'go through the motions and give eachother some space' even in case you live together. But never ever break up. Because it might and in most cases will break more... trust for one. And that is hard to restore... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Little_Confused Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 It's immature. It is my firm believe that if 2 people want to be together and love eachother, they should not break up in the first place. See eachother less, talk less, 'go through the motions and give eachother some space' even in case you live together. But never ever break up. Because it might and in most cases will break more... trust for one. And that is hard to restore... reading this brings tears to my eyes. I regret so much not giving it time, same as what you wrote in your message. it's the second month my heart is bleeding because of this.. the only painful but in the long term brighter side, is that via this break up at least I found out that he doesn't care for me in the same way as I do.For him I am not the One. I'm rather that one, who is easy to be thrown away and forgotten. now all I want is to hide myself in the corner and cry myself out Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I think you misunderstood the advice from toofargone. (please correct me if i am wrong and i misread it) Its not about time. He does not want you. Respect yourself please. A person who tells you these things is playing games! reading this brings tears to my eyes. I regret so much not giving it time, same as what you wrote in your message. it's the second month my heart is bleeding because of this.. the only painful but in the long term brighter side, is that via this break up at least I found out that he doesn't care for me in the same way as I do.For him I am not the One. I'm rather that one, who is easy to be thrown away and forgotten. now all I want is to hide myself in the corner and cry myself out Link to post Share on other sites
Author Little_Confused Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 I cry because giving time when solving conflicts is the thing neither of us did. it destroyed everything bit by bit. I know that he doesn't want me anymore. but i guess there is a reason why people start dating, move in together, make future plans and the reasons why they split up. I contributed to this end. and understanding how makes me very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
2fargone Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I cry because giving time when solving conflicts is the thing neither of us did. it destroyed everything bit by bit. I know that he doesn't want me anymore. but i guess there is a reason why people start dating, move in together, make future plans and the reasons why they split up. I contributed to this end. and understanding how makes me very sad. This may be, but try not to blame yourself to much. In the end what matters is that he is the one not willing. On top of that he is trying to 'keep you in place', just in case.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Little_Confused Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) I decided to end all. I needed to kill that last hope, which he used to play with me and keep me in control. So i emailed him saying that " i tried 2 months to win him back, he decided not to come back, so this is the final end, and since he wants to cut off all contact, this for sure confirms that there will be no future for us together either. The only option i have is to heal my heart and prepare for a new person in my life." I need to heal. And 2 months of painful waiting was enough. He send me 3 emails back again. Why he keeps doing this? He can just back off if he doesn't want me. I don't feel like reading them. Why guys do this? Edited December 30, 2013 by Little_Confused Link to post Share on other sites
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