loveiswar101 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Ok, well it was obvious it was going to happen, I'm getting stronger but I was not strong enough. I'm early 40's, ex early 50's. So in one way I'm old enough to know better in most cases but not in this case. BU about 18 days back and 10 days NC, until now. Was driving past her sister's shop and had to go in, emotions I guess got better of me. Said Hi and said tomorrow is xmas day and I would love her to just say merry xmas to my ex if an appropriate time came, if not don't panic. I told her I knew it was over but I did miss her, but it's xmas. She said it's sad what has happened but what else could she say..LOL. She asked how my kids are as here for holidays I said good. I then asked about their brother who had a near fatal accident just after NC 10days ago. I told her I would of phoned my ex but through a mutual friend I knew he was ok and glad recovering and didn't want bother the ex when it happened. Anyhow the majority will tut tut me for this and I look needy but I needed to do this, it's out the way, tomorrow after kids go in morning I be all alone at home and probably would of text some mushy needy comments or even phoned and broken down on phone. This way it's out way, I didn't have to see her physically which would of just killed me and I do want her to have a merry xmas with or without me. Yeah she may text back, phone. But I did this 80% for me, I'm human. I want her to know I care. Because I do. Off my chest, you can all let rip now...
David87 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Ok, well it was obvious it was going to happen, I'm getting stronger but I was not strong enough. I'm early 40's, ex early 50's. So in one way I'm old enough to know better in most cases but not in this case. BU about 18 days back and 10 days NC, until now. Was driving past her sister's shop and had to go in, emotions I guess got better of me. Said Hi and said tomorrow is xmas day and I would love her to just say merry xmas to my ex if an appropriate time came, if not don't panic. I told her I knew it was over but I did miss her, but it's xmas. She said it's sad what has happened but what else could she say..LOL. She asked how my kids are as here for holidays I said good. I then asked about their brother who had a near fatal accident just after NC 10days ago. I told her I would of phoned my ex but through a mutual friend I knew he was ok and glad recovering and didn't want bother the ex when it happened. Anyhow the majority will tut tut me for this and I look needy but I needed to do this, it's out the way, tomorrow after kids go in morning I be all alone at home and probably would of text some mushy needy comments or even phoned and broken down on phone. This way it's out way, I didn't have to see her physically which would of just killed me and I do want her to have a merry xmas with or without me. Yeah she may text back, phone. But I did this 80% for me, I'm human. I want her to know I care. Because I do. Off my chest, you can all let rip now... Dude let her text you first, then figure out if you whant to respond or not, I know you care but she might not care ...
cavalier99 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 (edited) Just go back to NC. I think for NC to be effective it is more than about just not breaking contact. It is really deciding that it is OVER forever. So it really isnt inevitable to break it. The sister of EX doesnt exist. the EX doesnt exist. Basically you need to decide they are dead to you. You cant care if they know you care ecetera. If you muster this mentailty for the next 6 months plus it will go much easier. Cav Edited December 24, 2013 by cavalier99 1
Author loveiswar101 Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 Thanks Cav, I know what your saying and will go NC. I'm human, I did it for me, with it off my chest now I hopefully can have a better day tomorrow and all the way upto and through New Year. I know it's over.. But my emotions get the better 9/10... have post it notes everywhere saying "it's over", "was a happy relationship" But "move on, focus life (you) work and goals". I went 10 days NC (chuffed with self) and thought about my actions today more than most days, I'm happy I did it as I'm a caring person, yes she dumped me and cares less than me by a mile, but I can't change the person I'am inside over night. 1
Thatoneguy22 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Thanks Cav, I know what your saying and will go NC. I'm human, I did it for me, with it off my chest now I hopefully can have a better day tomorrow and all the way upto and through New Year. I know it's over.. But my emotions get the better 9/10... have post it notes everywhere saying "it's over", "was a happy relationship" But "move on, focus life (you) work and goals". I went 10 days NC (chuffed with self) and thought about my actions today more than most days, I'm happy I did it as I'm a caring person, yes she dumped me and cares less than me by a mile, but I can't change the person I'am inside over night. Small bump in the road, but at least you got it out in the open now just focus on yourself get busy on things you've always wanted to do. I've realized the more f**** you give the less they do. Time to let her see what life without you is like.
cavalier99 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Its all good man. Believe me she knows you care, that you loved her, that you were probably a pretty damn good BF ecetera. So dont change who you are ..those are great qualities. Just keep on focusing on the IT IS OVER part for now. Good idea with the sticky notes! I think killing all hope early on is essential to healing. Youll be fine.. the 1st month is the worst. In 6 to 8 months you wont even remember what you were upset about if you stick with NC! Rock on! Cav 1
Author loveiswar101 Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 Once again Cav thanks, going to be tough. As say alot older so in someway maybe and say maybe a bit more mature. But here's the kickers, one of my best mates is dating her best friend (we met at same time) and a month to the day before we split I moved into a place just 5 mins drive from her to be closer, now stuck here for another 10 months. LOL. Love is a ripper.
cavalier99 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Once again Cav thanks, going to be tough. As say alot older so in someway maybe and say maybe a bit more mature. But here's the kickers, one of my best mates is dating her best friend (we met at same time) and a month to the day before we split I moved into a place just 5 mins drive from her to be closer, now stuck here for another 10 months. LOL. Love is a ripper. Hahahaha. Bummer. Sorry. Seems like you know what you need to do. Just make it very clear to your friend that you want NO info on her and id even be wary of sharing too much with him on how your coping unless you trust him completly not to share with his gf.???? Just post here. I stopped talking with my best friends about my BU after a month or so because they just didnt get it and i didnt want to bore them. But man did i post a lot here!! Cav
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