The guy I loved left and after 6 months contacted.

[hurt for loving]

Hey everyone. I was hoping to share my experience here and see if anyone had any advice etc. Hell, just to share this to see if anyone else has felt the same. So here we go.

 

I had been with my boyfriend for what would have been five years in November. He was my first everything. The first guy I let so far into my life and we were great together. We had a few problems but always worked through them. Last October after my friends wedding I asked him what he saw for us in the future. He then confessed he hadn't been happy for some time. We broke up for a while. I was miserable and wanted a face to face talk. That night we gave it another go. We had missed each other so much and he thought he had lost me. I made him promise that if he started feeling that way again he had to tell me and he agreed.

 

Everything seemed great. We talked all the time and pushed each other in what we loved. Recently he came over to hang out and seemed ok. Mid conversation he blurted out that he wasn't happy again and didn't love me like he should do. He did it again. After that time there were arguments and emails back and forth. First he didn't know why and he felt like he couldn't appreciate me. Then when I pointed out that I found out the first time was because his friend got married and he got nervous and the second time was after another wedding. He sent an email saying how we couldn't talk like his friends (we did) I never pushed him to be passionate about what he loves (I was the only one that did, from saying "don't worry about our date this weekend, you get to the workshop hon" or buying him books on guitar building etc)That I made him feel old (I tried everything to get him to have fun, even simple things like taking him to movies and dinners etc) That I didn't notice he wasn't feeling right (hard when they show no sign at all) and a real stinger for me was when he said we could pass the time with food or sex. That hurt. He was my first and sex was in no way "a way to pass time to me". To think about this and all the times he said he loved me etc it now seems cheap and useless. The very night before he dumped me he told me how he missed me and loved me. Then he let me go.

 

I know it sounds big headed but I figure A girl that loves you regardless of the fact you worry about being short and balding, that gives up so much so you can pursu your dream, that draws comics fir you just to make you laugh, that loves your family and friends who also lovebher back, likes seeing you play videogames and cuddling on the couch with dinner and a movie and dressing up for a night out was a good thing.

 

It has been a few months now but it still really hurts. This was my first love. My best friend. The guy I thought would always be there for me and vice versa. But no.

 

He left in July. There was no contact. I deleted all ways of contacting him and went to uni.

 

He recently emailed. He was wondering how I was. I cleared my chest and told him what he did was beyond ****. That he was wrong and that I was all that and more.

 

He apologised. That he was ashamed of what he had written and he was wrong. That he had been bottling things up until it was too late. That he was so down he wound up taking out a loan and moving to the other side of the world for a few months. He says he wants to be friends but will totally butt out if it's too hurtful. That theres no pressure.

He speaks about trying to be a better man but what gets me is that he couldn't do it for me. That some other woman will get what I had deserved. I admitted the idea of seeing him move on to someone else that I know will never be as good as me yet will get the "new and improved him" is a kick in the heart.

That I was simply the catalyst to guilt him into being a good guy. He said as he was blocked from my fb he googled me and regularly checks my pinterest again pointing out it was simply to find out if I was ok. He said in another email he wasn't writing to try crawl back and that he cared about me and respected me and whatever decision I made.

 

I wrote to him saying that the majority of his messages centred round apologising to me as a way to make him feel better and that I cannot fully accept his apology. He destroyed my trust. I was in love and would do anything for him without asking. It's just who I am. Whether going out, sitting on the couch with pizza and a movie or encouraging him to hang with his friends, go to his workshop or relax and play games. And he threw it away for a reason I still don't fully know or understand. I don't know what to do so I asked him to leave me alone for a while. Try again in the new year,

 

Anyway, I expected a fight and he just apologised again. He admitted he still sounded like a selfish and that there was no pressure or time frame. That his hand would be outstretched if I wanted to take it.

 

I am just so confused. It almost felt like talking to the guy I used to spend every day with. My friend believes he is being manipulative and doesn't understand why I would consider letting him back into my life. I feel so naive and don't know what to do. This was a guy I didn't go a day without hearing from him for almost five years. My other half and best friend.

 

Is he just saying he's not crawling back? so I don't think he is? How can someone I spoke to every day for almost five years and trusted and loved entirely cause so much pain and confusion? Why can't handle the idea of being his friend but also the idea that we will never talk again? So many issues to deal with... If only life were simple eh?

 

But anyway. Thanks for listening. Any advice etc. would be greatly appreciated

[Poppyolive]

Hurt for loving,

 

Im sorry you are going through this, I very recently went through the same thing as you. I feel your anger, sadness and pain. It hurts theres no two ways about it. Take time for you to heal, take care of your lil loving heart and know too like me...there is a wonderful man who is deserving of our genuine love and can love us back completely. Try not to read into his comments, conversations or actions....as its only trying to rid himself of guilt. I too have a very hard time understanding the boys mind, like I'm sure you do yours. I really don't think we can ever really get it, because to me its a mind that lacks clarity, a mind of turmoil and uncertainty. Only him, when he is ready can work through that. We need to step away.

 

Hugs

[hurt for loving]

Hurt for loving,

 

Im sorry you are going through this, I very recently went through the same thing as you. I feel your anger, sadness and pain. It hurts theres no two ways about it. Take time for you to heal, take care of your lil loving heart and know too like me...there is a wonderful man who is deserving of our genuine love and can love us back completely. Try not to read into his comments, conversations or actions....as its only trying to rid himself of guilt. I too have a very hard time understanding the boys mind, like I'm sure you do yours. I really don't think we can ever really get it, because to me its a mind that lacks clarity, a mind of turmoil and uncertainty. Only him, when he is ready can work through that. We need to step away.

 

Hugs

 

Thank you so much. It sucks that good people like us have this happen. We gave so much and in the end are left with turmoil and memories you loved but can't handle now. Hell, like I said one of the things really getting me is that "he's now trying to be a better man" but he couldn't do that for me? I feel bigheaded saying but I was a damn good girlfriend. More than that I loved him. Dammit.

It's just finding the strength to do what you have to. To know you can't have the same as before even though the idea of never seeing them again hurts as much.

 

Many hugs to you too friend

[BC1980]

I went through something very similar with my ex reaching out for friendship. We were together for 3 years and shared everything. I have struggled a lot with how this person was my best friend, my everything, and, now, he is a source of pain. I have struggled so hard to reconcile and understand these feelings.

 

I too wondered why I was unable to be friends, and I even felt guilty for not wanting to be friends with my ex. It felt wrong to simply cut off contact with a person I had been with for 3 years, a person who knew everything about me. At first, I really thought we might be able to be friends because I just couldn't imagine my life without him.

 

Keeping in contact with him only prolonged my pain. It sounds like a nice idea in some ways, but it doesn't work out very well. You have to take the lesser of the two evils because both options suck. You live your life without him, or you experience daily pain with him in your life. The two choices presented are both sh*tty, but you have to make the best with what you've got. With your ex out of your life, at least you have a chance to move on eventually. It's very difficult, but I always remind myself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. At least, I have a chance to move on now.

[cavalier99]

You feel like sh*t because you broke NC. You can actually be friends with him if you like but only after becoming 10000 percent indifferent.

 

I recovered from an 8 year RS. BU was last year. It was pure hell at times.

 

Took about 7 months NC to get over it then a new GF who is great.

 

Now i chat with my ex. We are on great terms. She is with the guy she left me for and i couldnt be happier for her! Better him than me. LOL PS it isnt roses for her. They are having problems. I would have loved this before now it just makes me feel sad for her.

 

Anyway. When you feel like this about your ex or dont care at all then you can break NC.

 

Otherwise stay NC like your life depends on it. Cav

[Exitleft]

I relate to this so much. It hurts like hell, I know. Be very careful with him, he's hurt you twice already and experience tells me people don't change all that much in truth. Be careful and feel better soon.

[hurt for loving]

Thanks guys. It's a toughie. I used to look at people in similar or worse situations and think them mad for having trouble telling the ex to feck off. Now I know it's not so simple. Having him contact me out the blue was odd and many people have read into it different ways. I'm just conflicted.

I asked him to leave me alone as I didn't know what to do. But I do know I'm not the one that kept photos. I blocked him from facebook. So he admitted he's been looking on the internet and my pinterest regularly (to" see if I was ok"). I'm not asking all his friends what he's up to and I didn't email him out the blue and confuse the hell out of him. I don't intend to reply. I did all the fighting for what I thought was important. He didn't. I'm not putting myself out there again.

It's just keeping the strength to continue on. Words mean little to me and I doubt very much if he wanted to, he would go out of his way to prove himself.