So lost

[solostman]

I typed a really long explanation , but when i hit send it took so long that I got logged out and i lost my whole story :'/

 

SO I will do my best to make this short

 

5 year relationship. I was 17 she was 14 (didn't know how old she was)

Fell deeply in love, grew up together, so many first times together (i was her first everything) moved in together at 21 and 18, went to college together, was making a living and creating a home together.

April 2013 left me for another BOY. was talking to him for a month before the breakup, made an excuse at first that we weren't working out and didn't feel the same way. Week later, ends up sleeping with him and they get together.

 

devasted, life turned upside down, scavenged these forums for months.

literally the worst i've ever been through in my life that still affects me today.

first two months, big no nos, constant contacting, pleading, beginning, etc. it hurt

 

July , feeling a little bit better, not contacting her, doing my best not to contact her, very little contact

 

August, lost 30lbs, feeling great physically and a big ego boost, girl got interested in me, first time having real feelings, first time having sex with someone else. had no guilt, didn't even think about ex

ex starts contacting me like crazy, sending really sad stuff and songs she wrote and suggested things we liked together

I ignored

ended up getting friendzoned by this girl, heartbreak again.

 

september, focusing on myself, not really keeping in touch with ex, still bothering me, feeling like my old self, old music, old clothing, can enjoy doing things by myself. Met girl at a concert, Instant attraction. into everything I used to like, the old me before I met my ex.

We hit off , slept with her a few times. Too wild. Single and partying it up and getting wasted, having fun getting wild with her, developed feelings though, never told her and painfully had to hear about people she was sleeping with, so really let down, but we're cool now i explained how i felt she said i should have told her my feelings, she's a really great friend and i'd date the hell out of her, but nothing ever oh so serious. young. 19.

so i avoid her for a while, heartbroken

lonely

ex still contacting me, kind give in and start talking more

 

october, birthday passes, ex and i are talking more and more. texting how she regrets doing what she did to me, she missed me, even when i vented that i got friendzoned she told me that those girls are dumb to give up a guy like me

she drives to visit me (she moved an hour away sometime in june)

hesitant to see her, its' been 5 months, not sure how i felt. did'nt want to see her. finally after an hour I finally went to see her

we hang out, things are normal, she's acting really cool and collected.

go to a park we used to walk at.

breaks down

about what she did to me

 

i comfort her. stupidly.

end up at my place

makes a lame excuse that she wanted to stay.

I give in

layed in bed together.

ended up sleeping together. (she was with her new bf at the time, but they havn't been talking and he was preparing to leave for the navy this time, heard from her sibligns that he was a douche to her and wouldn't make time for her)

felt like ****, but sex was good, i had no problems being intimate with her (other girls i had trouble getting up if you know what i mean)

 

started talking like we were dating

acted like we were dating.

she'd pick me up , i stayed at her apartment, we did things we used to do as a couple, celebrated her birthday, halloween together, it was really comfortable and awesome, except when i get the pain of what she did and we'd argue.

 

November same stuff, hanging out, having sex, but more arguing. still acting like a couple, having problems. stopped talking for a couple of days, but quickly was back into me visited her with her siblings (family loves me still) , but she was kind of distant that day, and apologized and felt bad for doing so and really wanted to salvage a relationship with me so we kept talking.

 

December. Kind of not interested, too much pain from the past that I need to get over, we still talked, we slept together first week of December, called me the cute names, etc all the stuff what bfs and gfs do. she mentioned that I wasn't that interested in her, which was true. but i still wanted a relationship with her

Wildgirl comes along and we have a wildtime. 3-4 days lived with me

coudln't keep contact with ex was trying to get rid of the bad feelings of the past. Had fun with wildgirl but nothing serious, i'd totally date her tho so bad tho UGH haha

talking again

12/12/13 comes along

 

picks me up thought it was usual,

started off crappy she was rude and rushing me. i told her i'd come pick her up instead.

then i picked her up

hung out

went to touch her face intimately

brushed me off said we need to learn how to be friends

and that this whole time it wasn't right for us to do so

and she wants to be just friends.

I understood her point, went to get stuff to eat.

We talked more about it

she told me that she wanted to be friends

but she said she wanted to be single

that i was always pushing her into a relationship with me

which is not true

she says wants to focus in school and her future, cannot handle a relationship and isn't looking for one

says doesn't see me in the future, that she's unsure

 

I thought she liked me, how she treated me the whole week until now, calling me names, chasing me, etc

said she thought alot about everything

and on a moral standpoint its respectable

 

I'm not sure why i'm even sad

i'm scared that she's playing me

and she used me to get over her ex.

 

That she jsut wants to be friends to string me along and taht she alreay found someone new again.

 

I'm hurt, I don't know what to believe,

does she really want to be single and focus on her future? (i was pretty much her everythign and teenage years, she was very clingy and dependent on me for a while)

 

I'm not sure what she means by friends, does she want to be friends to see if we are compatible again and then try again at dating?

 

Or is it simply just friends; she said she wants to be single and is unsure of a future with me, and she is simply not thinking that far into the future and just now. She says those things, yet why was she treating me like a boyfriend until now?

 

I'm swept under the rug

 

all the heartbreak is back and i'm left so confused.

I'm paranoid at everything she is doing right now,

i'm so scared that she already found someone else.

We were talking sparsely today.

5-10 minute intervals

i replied late as well

20 minutes past responds to my text and adds at the end of what she was responding to "SORRY I FELL ASLEEP"

 

imediately i jump to the gun that something is so fishy, she wasnt' responding to my texts after i replied to that.

call her once after some time, 4 rings then sounded like it was rejected

 

call her again 2 rings

call her again 2 rings

 

is she rejecting my calls?

 

hours later i'm on this forum

 

I'm so confused

 

I don't know why I like her again, do I love her?

I was 50/50 about her this whole time

but this instance has got me 100% stuck on her I can't focus and all I thinka bout is this.

 

Part of me wants to move on and get my self together and get over the past pain of our last relationship and be independent and not worry about a relationship like how she claims she wants.

I don't know why I have a hard time letting go, i'm scared.

 

Part of me wants to salvage what we had and repair the past like we tried for these short months or even build a new one if that means being just friends

 

Part of me really doesn't know why this is bothering me so much, so much guilt and resentment that i'd take back someone who did to me but i guess we can't help love

 

am I in love with my ex still?

I want to heal

I want to get over the pain of what she did to me

taht's what we argued about most,

said that i'd put her down constantly and that's not who she is anymore and she was so stupid for doing that and young and now she's mature, and it's pushing her away when i do that but i can't help my feelings

 

I wanted this to work I feel so used and confused

 

what do you guys get from this

do you think i'm being played?

advice?

anything

is greatly apprecaited i'm so burnt out and depressed right now.

thank you all.

confused 100%

[KelC411]

I typed a really long explanation , but when i hit send it took so long that I got logged out and i lost my whole story :'/

 

SO I will do my best to make this short

 

5 year relationship. I was 17 she was 14 (didn't know how old she was)

Fell deeply in love, grew up together, so many first times together (i was her first everything) moved in together at 21 and 18, went to college together, was making a living and creating a home together.

April 2013 left me for another BOY. was talking to him for a month before the breakup, made an excuse at first that we weren't working out and didn't feel the same way. Week later, ends up sleeping with him and they get together.

 

devasted, life turned upside down, scavenged these forums for months.

literally the worst i've ever been through in my life that still affects me today.

first two months, big no nos, constant contacting, pleading, beginning, etc. it hurt

 

July , feeling a little bit better, not contacting her, doing my best not to contact her, very little contact

 

August, lost 30lbs, feeling great physically and a big ego boost, girl got interested in me, first time having real feelings, first time having sex with someone else. had no guilt, didn't even think about ex

ex starts contacting me like crazy, sending really sad stuff and songs she wrote and suggested things we liked together

I ignored

ended up getting friendzoned by this girl, heartbreak again.

 

september, focusing on myself, not really keeping in touch with ex, still bothering me, feeling like my old self, old music, old clothing, can enjoy doing things by myself. Met girl at a concert, Instant attraction. into everything I used to like, the old me before I met my ex.

We hit off , slept with her a few times. Too wild. Single and partying it up and getting wasted, having fun getting wild with her, developed feelings though, never told her and painfully had to hear about people she was sleeping with, so really let down, but we're cool now i explained how i felt she said i should have told her my feelings, she's a really great friend and i'd date the hell out of her, but nothing ever oh so serious. young. 19.

so i avoid her for a while, heartbroken

lonely

ex still contacting me, kind give in and start talking more

 

october, birthday passes, ex and i are talking more and more. texting how she regrets doing what she did to me, she missed me, even when i vented that i got friendzoned she told me that those girls are dumb to give up a guy like me

she drives to visit me (she moved an hour away sometime in june)

hesitant to see her, its' been 5 months, not sure how i felt. did'nt want to see her. finally after an hour I finally went to see her

we hang out, things are normal, she's acting really cool and collected.

go to a park we used to walk at.

breaks down

about what she did to me

 

i comfort her. stupidly.

end up at my place

makes a lame excuse that she wanted to stay.

I give in

layed in bed together.

ended up sleeping together. (she was with her new bf at the time, but they havn't been talking and he was preparing to leave for the navy this time, heard from her sibligns that he was a douche to her and wouldn't make time for her)

felt like ****, but sex was good, i had no problems being intimate with her (other girls i had trouble getting up if you know what i mean)

 

started talking like we were dating

acted like we were dating.

she'd pick me up , i stayed at her apartment, we did things we used to do as a couple, celebrated her birthday, halloween together, it was really comfortable and awesome, except when i get the pain of what she did and we'd argue.

 

November same stuff, hanging out, having sex, but more arguing. still acting like a couple, having problems. stopped talking for a couple of days, but quickly was back into me visited her with her siblings (family loves me still) , but she was kind of distant that day, and apologized and felt bad for doing so and really wanted to salvage a relationship with me so we kept talking.

 

December. Kind of not interested, too much pain from the past that I need to get over, we still talked, we slept together first week of December, called me the cute names, etc all the stuff what bfs and gfs do. she mentioned that I wasn't that interested in her, which was true. but i still wanted a relationship with her

Wildgirl comes along and we have a wildtime. 3-4 days lived with me

coudln't keep contact with ex was trying to get rid of the bad feelings of the past. Had fun with wildgirl but nothing serious, i'd totally date her tho so bad tho UGH haha

talking again

12/12/13 comes along

 

picks me up thought it was usual,

started off crappy she was rude and rushing me. i told her i'd come pick her up instead.

then i picked her up

hung out

went to touch her face intimately

brushed me off said we need to learn how to be friends

and that this whole time it wasn't right for us to do so

and she wants to be just friends.

I understood her point, went to get stuff to eat.

We talked more about it

she told me that she wanted to be friends

but she said she wanted to be single

that i was always pushing her into a relationship with me

which is not true

she says wants to focus in school and her future, cannot handle a relationship and isn't looking for one

says doesn't see me in the future, that she's unsure

 

I thought she liked me, how she treated me the whole week until now, calling me names, chasing me, etc

said she thought alot about everything

and on a moral standpoint its respectable

 

I'm not sure why i'm even sad

i'm scared that she's playing me

and she used me to get over her ex.

 

That she jsut wants to be friends to string me along and taht she alreay found someone new again.

 

I'm hurt, I don't know what to believe,

does she really want to be single and focus on her future? (i was pretty much her everythign and teenage years, she was very clingy and dependent on me for a while)

 

I'm not sure what she means by friends, does she want to be friends to see if we are compatible again and then try again at dating?

 

Or is it simply just friends; she said she wants to be single and is unsure of a future with me, and she is simply not thinking that far into the future and just now. She says those things, yet why was she treating me like a boyfriend until now?

 

I'm swept under the rug

 

all the heartbreak is back and i'm left so confused.

I'm paranoid at everything she is doing right now,

i'm so scared that she already found someone else.

We were talking sparsely today.

5-10 minute intervals

i replied late as well

20 minutes past responds to my text and adds at the end of what she was responding to "SORRY I FELL ASLEEP"

 

imediately i jump to the gun that something is so fishy, she wasnt' responding to my texts after i replied to that.

call her once after some time, 4 rings then sounded like it was rejected

 

call her again 2 rings

call her again 2 rings

 

is she rejecting my calls?

 

hours later i'm on this forum

 

I'm so confused

 

I don't know why I like her again, do I love her?

I was 50/50 about her this whole time

but this instance has got me 100% stuck on her I can't focus and all I thinka bout is this.

 

Part of me wants to move on and get my self together and get over the past pain of our last relationship and be independent and not worry about a relationship like how she claims she wants.

I don't know why I have a hard time letting go, i'm scared.

 

Part of me wants to salvage what we had and repair the past like we tried for these short months or even build a new one if that means being just friends

 

Part of me really doesn't know why this is bothering me so much, so much guilt and resentment that i'd take back someone who did to me but i guess we can't help love

 

am I in love with my ex still?

I want to heal

I want to get over the pain of what she did to me

taht's what we argued about most,

said that i'd put her down constantly and that's not who she is anymore and she was so stupid for doing that and young and now she's mature, and it's pushing her away when i do that but i can't help my feelings

 

I wanted this to work I feel so used and confused

 

what do you guys get from this

do you think i'm being played?

advice?

anything

is greatly apprecaited i'm so burnt out and depressed right now.

thank you all.

confused 100%

 

Sorry to hear that you recovered and then got dragged back in, solost. I think you need to let her go and go NC. I know that will be hard because you have been part of each others' lives for so long. But look what happened when you tried to be friends and possibly more. From her actions it sound like she definitely led you in. Maybe she is confused, maybe she is lonely I dont know. But the bottom line is it doesnt matter what SHE is, because she clearly is not going to give you a committed healthy relationship which YOU deserve. You gave her a chance and niw she is stomping your heart all over again. So no more chances! Go NC, stay NC. If she gets mad or hurt, too bad. She didnt seem to care that much that you got hurt and in fact tried to blame you for it. Hang in there!

[solostman]

Sorry to hear that you recovered and then got dragged back in, solost. I think you need to let her go and go NC. I know that will be hard because you have been part of each others' lives for so long. But look what happened when you tried to be friends and possibly more. From her actions it sound like she definitely led you in. Maybe she is confused, maybe she is lonely I dont know. But the bottom line is it doesnt matter what SHE is, because she clearly is not going to give you a committed healthy relationship which YOU deserve. You gave her a chance and niw she is stomping your heart all over again. So no more chances! Go NC, stay NC. If she gets mad or hurt, too bad. She didnt seem to care that much that you got hurt and in fact tried to blame you for it. Hang in there!

 

 

Thank you so much for your response. We talked again today and decided to go NC. She seems pretty cold and doesn't care about how I feel, didn't leave with any nice parting words because she felt "mad" and didn't feel like explaining. I know she's going to miss me eventually, she's very good at acting like she's so resolved, and she knows that it really picks at me and knows it damages me when she acts so cold and uncaring... she came back without me even trying, when I was moving on I should expect it again, but this time I hope I have enough self respect to say no. I don't deserve how she treats me and falling back in love really clouded my mind when I started caring again. I really want to move on, it hurts to say that I want to end my love for her, but I must keep remind myself how toxic she is to me and that the awesome part of our relationship died and it's really hard to fix with all these complicated things. I wish to accept it and move on and let go of the hope of getting back together and making it work, so I can grow and I can experience, It hurts so much to write this, but I know it must be done. Maybe this time of focus on myself, i'll find what I really want and I'll find what I really feel like I deserve, and If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, I don't want to hope for it anymore and focus on me now. This is going to be so hard. I want to come to accept this, like you are saying, moving on I whole heartedly agree , but it's just so hard. I'll keep trying, and try even harder than ever. I wasn't really trying to get over her by finding myself at first because of the pain of when she left me, now that is gone it should be easier. I've done all the drugs, sex, alcohol and it helped, but it didn't heal. It numbed it. I know I have to face this head on and hopefully this will be the last where I can finally be free and give other people a chance. I hate this aspect of love where you become so committed and fervent for the one you love; but she doesn't love me back I need to accept that. Everything is here on the table and there's a wealth of information to read, and everyone else is going through the same exact thing and what needs to be done. It's just the acceptance that it needs to be over for the better; this is so hard. I wish everyone the best of luck in their struggle, and thank you for all the responses. Thank you Kelc411

 

"But the bottom line is it doesnt matter what SHE is, because she clearly is not going to give you a committed healthy relationship which YOU deserve. You gave her a chance and niw she is stomping your heart all over again. So no more chances! Go NC, stay NC. If she gets mad or hurt, too bad. She didnt seem to care that much that you got hurt and in fact tried to blame you for it. Hang in there!"

 

That hit me hard. If it were to work it would be working now, if she was genuine she would have gave me what I deserve, I guess she doesn't care enough to show that to me, I deserve so much better. Thank you so much for helping me realize, I want this positive mindset to live on thank you all so much!

[headinthecloud]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Nothing alters the course of your life like a broken heart.

 

I know this will sound cliche but it has truth to it, "you're both really young." You both have your entire lives ahead of you so it's not unusual for one, or both of you, to get GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). That doesn't mean what she did is acceptable, quite the opposite. But at this point you must try to accept the RS (relationship) is over and now focus on your healing and recovery. This link to a breakup recovery guide helped me.

 

Topics of Breakup Recovery Guide

 

When you feel the need to break NC, post here. There's a pinned thread in the coping section that you will find helpful. Also, Barky2 posted a thread on the broken hearted that has some good advice on how to stet moving on. In time you will. But it takes months, sometimes years for some. So be patient with yourself. And know that not everyone is like your ex.

 

There's someone out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved, and she's waiting for you. Have faith in what will be.