LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

3 n half months and im back to square one badly very badly


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree9Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12th December 2013, 11:56 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: york uk
Posts: 233
3 n half months and im back to square one badly very badly

just found out ex is seeing someone for a week, and i am gutted cried all day and feel so much pain. dont know what to do and yes having nasty thoughts again and got no one to talk to. please help me
yorkie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 12:00 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Softie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 149
Quote:
Originally Posted by yorkie View Post
just found out ex is seeing someone for a week, and i am gutted cried all day and feel so much pain. dont know what to do and yes having nasty thoughts again and got no one to talk to. please help me

you can talk to me, tell me about yourself and what happened?

x
Softie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 12:16 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: york uk
Posts: 233
i dont know where to start, 12n half years we were together, she said she doesnt love me and she gave me false hope when we first split up. we have two kids and she left me and the kids she is back at her mum n dads and i have the kids . i beggged and cired for the first 2 months and also a few times sicne it was a nasty break up. we both said and did things to hurt each other. end of the day its over i am sort of seeing someone who i like but im not over my ex and when i told her i am seeing someone she said she will because i am and she told me she is seeing someone for a week. i just dont want to feel this pain anymore i love her to bits i really do and everyone keeps saying get over her which is easier said but done. id show you all my threads but i dont know how to get them up on here. i am hurting so badly i have cried all day
yorkie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 12:24 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Softie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 149
Can I recommended a book called Starting Over by the person who wrote men are from mars women from venus. Good read and practical too.

You will hurt, that's ok to feel hurt, you need to feel it to get over it properly but eventually you need to decide if you are going to cry for months or go out try and enjoy yourself, and then cry when your back indoors if you wish, eventually you'll be having a good time and no more tears or pain.

Right now, punch the bed, a pillow, cry, scream, whatever you need to do as long as your not damaging yourself or others.
Softie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 12:29 PM   #5
Established Member
 
fixing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 648
Do not start talking about suicide again. That is the most selfish thing you could possibly do. Think how the **** that will effect your kids?????

I know its hard man, but listen, you were with this woman for 12 years? You must have been doing something right fffs!

Its all still immensely painful right now, but you gotta snap out of this.

You still love her. I cant believe she completely stopped loving you after 12 years.

All you can do man is live for your kids right now, your ex may/possibly come back to you at some point in the future. But only if you get yourself together.

This new guy has NOTHING on you when it comes to your ex. He's just some new fling most probably, i dont know, maybe not. But right now, you gotta accept its over, and do your absolute best for your kids. They're the most important thing here.

Stay strong
__________________
This too, shall pass....
fixing is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 12:37 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by yorkie View Post
just found out ex is seeing someone for a week, and i am gutted cried all day and feel so much pain. dont know what to do and yes having nasty thoughts again and got no one to talk to. please help me
Sorry to hear that Yorkie...that's my worst fear too. But I can avoid knowing about it. In your situation it's hard to avoid what your ex is getting up to. I'm sure it stings bad.

The fact that she's got somebody else doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means. Your brain's probably putting an unpleasant spin on the whole thing; you know...like...she's having better sex with him than with you, they'll die together in each other's arms, she finally found somebody with everything she's been looking for, he's smart, amazing, perfect for her...you know the deal.

But NONE of the above (a) is true, or (b) will remain true with time. She'll get tired of his naked body and the way he likes her to do certain weird **** in bed, he'll get tired of her in the same way, she'll see more and more of his personality and the incompatibilities will steadily flood in, putting pressure on the idealized image they each constructed in the humble beginnings. Eventually it'll be one clear that this is far from the ideal and the relationship will become about coping with the fact that it is far from ideal...but trying to salvage something nonetheless.

They'll try to make it work...but being humans and alive in our age they'll be grossly ill equipped to forge a satisfying long term relationship that is selfless, based on empathy. Frustration, anger, confusion and resentment will slowly creep in and ruin the party until the whole thing goes tits up or they choose to live like zombies and see this out to the end because they're too scared of the alternative.

That make you feel any better buddy? It's equally as likely as her having finally discovered bliss. I know how it stings. Even the imagined possibility of my ex with another guy pains me badly :-( Let me know if you wanna chat...happy to...we're both in the same country and all.
sambo77 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 12:42 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: york uk
Posts: 233
sorry i dont want to give that impression about suicide i will not do that for my kids as i love them but im hurting all over again. i am and have done everything for my kids and still will continue to do that! but my ex has played with my head for ages and has given me and used me breadcrumbs wise. yet she says she has never given me hope that she will come back. i am seeing someone else and im trying to move forward i really am but 12 n half years of loving someone des go away that easy and its hurts that im tossed to one side. i am and will beat this im just feeling rather low and depressed at the moment but i tell you what tomorrow is a new day but im hurting so much right now! she lied to me for years! and she is still lieing now and i just want to stop loving her as my new lady friend is great! im sick of having my mind ****ed up by a tramp thats what she is a tramp! but it hurts
yorkie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 12:48 PM   #8
Established Member
 
fixing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 648
Good man! Keep that anger and use that to see the light. She is a lying bitch. You sound like a great father too. Keep treating this new girl right.

Dont let this tramp get the better of you by occupying your mind this much. Just force force FORCE her from your mind the second she enters.

12 years is 3 times my longest LTR so i wont pretend i know how hard this is, but try to focus now on all the positives, she gave you two beautiful children for starters, and now your free from her vindictive ways.

Spoil them kids and spoil yourself because you deserve it sir.

Last edited by fixing; 12th December 2013 at 12:53 PM..
fixing is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 1:56 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: york uk
Posts: 233
thanks sambo, fixing, & softie. i have had my cry and my kids are coming back at 8pm tonight. tbh im moving on faster than i thought and this rollercoster is so hard. but now i am leaving her to it. i think this will actually help me move on and not contact her again apart from the kids obviously. as in two mind, firstly if it works out yeah id be gutted but pleased for her, 2ndly if it doesn't then you know what she will realise what she has lost maybe not in me but what its like to date someone and not get what they want if that makes sense.

its been a very hard tough emotional day for me but i will bounce up
yorkie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 2:04 PM   #10
Established Member
 
fixing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 648
Quote:
Originally Posted by yorkie View Post
thanks sambo, fixing, & softie. i have had my cry and my kids are coming back at 8pm tonight. tbh im moving on faster than i thought and this rollercoster is so hard. but now i am leaving her to it. i think this will actually help me move on and not contact her again apart from the kids obviously. as in two mind, firstly if it works out yeah id be gutted but pleased for her, 2ndly if it doesn't then you know what she will realise what she has lost maybe not in me but what its like to date someone and not get what they want if that makes sense.

its been a very hard tough emotional day for me but i will bounce up
All im saying is its going to be very hard for ANY man to fill in your shoes. 12 years? You musta been doing something right for over a decade +

You'll be alright in the end m8
fixing is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 2:11 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: york uk
Posts: 233
yes i agree and everyone who knows me has even said im a good bloke and done everything right. i can walk down the street with my head held hi, but i still feel embarrassed
yorkie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 2:18 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,193
Who cares what your ex is doing. What a YOU doing to take control back in your life?
ponchsox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 2:20 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: york uk
Posts: 233
yes i agree although hard i need comments like this but its hard when you love someone
yorkie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 2:50 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Zoe Lilith's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 295
No one is worth your tears, espcially your life. Hang in there. Every end is also a new begining.
Wish you all the best.

Last edited by Zoe Lilith; 12th December 2013 at 3:28 PM.. Reason: typo
Zoe Lilith is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th December 2013, 4:00 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Am4Real's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,280
Why would you tell her you're seeing someone else and not expect the same in return? You pushed -- she pushed back!

Word of wisdom, don't play emotional games, they almost never work the way the schemer thinks they should. You told her straight up how you feel and unfortunately she rejected your requests. We need to have all of this energy focused on you now.

I am VERY sorry for your pain; it sounds terrible but staying the course will erode at it, trust us when we tell you that.
__________________
This is a rough period - takes so much time to clear the head and let it rule over the heart!
~Am4Real (2013)
Am4Real is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Almost 3 months post BU and starting to miss her badly aaron11892 Breaks and Breaking Up 10 25th November 2013 9:46 AM
My ex and I ended badly and we were NC for 11 months. Frank13 Coping 1 9th August 2013 12:03 AM
Need your so badly because boyfriend behaving badly love_story General Relationship Discussion 2 14th December 2011 1:43 PM
I want back what I had so badly! Just me 1980 Separation and Divorce 1 25th October 2011 5:49 PM
I want her back so badly tonberry Breaks and Breaking Up 2 5th February 2008 12:28 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 2:01 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.