Mrlonelyone Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Ever seen an ex who at least seemed so beautiful to you when you were together, or even shortly after separation, looking not so good latter on? I have seen a couple of pictures online via a mutual friend on facebook. She's not looking so good. I am not sure if it was in my minds eye that they looked good to me, or if it is the difference between pictures vs live action, or what but they just don't look too good. I mean, they look sickly. She was always thin but even in pictures from a year ago, six months ago, she looked healthy. Now... :smh: She's not my problem anymore but I almost wish I was seeing someone unequivocally healthy, and well, and feeing bad about not having them. Instead I feel sorry for them, wish them well, and hope that if I ever run across them way way down the line, they are looking well again. Has anyone else had this experience?
Sugarkane Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I've always wished this would happen with an Ahole ex, but I've never run into them. And I'm sure they'd still be Ahole anyway. 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) Mrlonelyone go look at some old pictures of her when you were together and report back if you still think she's hot, i want to know if it's just the new photos of her. Edited December 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Simon Phoenix Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) it's normal to see your ex in a different light after some No Contact in a breakup. I know the first time I saw pictures of mine after breaking my No Contact something seemed a little off. She didn't look much different, but the way I felt when I saw her was different. Maybe it's the fact that you've gotten her off the pedestal in your mind and you are more objective when you see her. But it's not abnormal. Edited December 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Mrlonelyone go look at some old pictures of her when you were together and report back if you still think she's hot, i want to know if it's just the new photos of her. Looking at pictures I have of her from a year ago, six months ago, and the latest ones, There is an objective difference over the last six months. It could just be some bad angles.... Skinny =/= Unhealthy ...but she is scary skinny. imagine someone who was about 5' 6" - 5' 8" and 135. Ok, then that person looses another 25 lbs. Dark under eye circles, hair looks thinner somehow too. Someone who had, for their young age, a plumpness to them. If I did not know better I would think either she's gotten on some heavy duty drugs or is anorexic or something. I'm not sure why you are acting like you are 12 right now, but whatever. But to take the subject away from your weird thing with overweight people and on to the OP, it's normal to see your ex in a different light after some No Contact in a breakup. I know the first time I saw pictures of mine after breaking my No Contact something seemed a little off. She didn't look much different, but the way I felt when I saw her was different. Maybe it's the fact that you've gotten her off the pedestal in your mind and you are more objective when you see her. But it's not abnormal. I really hope that's all it is. I hope I am just seeing her as she really was now, looks wise. Perhaps part of what made her beautiful to me was how she acted when things were good between us. Oh well.
Wings Of Love Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I saw a photo of my ex recently. Not by choice, but it happened. My immediate thought was that he looks better than ever. However, when I mentioned this to my family, I got some odd looks. They thought he looked very tired and gaunt. Dark circles under his eyes, thinner than before. I didn't bother having another look, I don't want to cause myself unnecessary pain. It seems to me I'm still blinded by my attraction to him. Perhaps you're able to see your ex as she really is now?
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I saw a photo of my ex recently. Not by choice, but it happened. My immediate thought was that he looks better than ever. However, when I mentioned this to my family, I got some odd looks. They thought he looked very tired and gaunt. Dark circles under his eyes, thinner than before. I didn't bother having another look, I don't want to cause myself unnecessary pain. It seems to me I'm still blinded by my attraction to him. Perhaps you're able to see your ex as she really is now? Perhaps. That may be a part of it. I am sitting here searching my memory...she was always a very thin woman. She had the height and the weight to be a model (but that wasn't her thing.) Now she's just scary skinny. Even looking at a photo from a month after we parted ways to now she's really changed.
JDPT Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I recall seeing my ex roughly about a month ago out of pure coincidence. I was driving and she was coming in the opposite direction when I spotted her. Although I saw her from far wearing sunglasses, she merely looked like just another girl. It was relieving to not feeling that attraction. I'm not certain if things would be different if I was to see her face to face. But the chances of that occurring are slim to none.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I recall seeing my ex roughly about a month ago out of pure coincidence. I was driving and she was coming in the opposite direction when I spotted her. Although I saw her from far wearing sunglasses, she merely looked like just another girl. It was relieving to not feeling that attraction. I'm not certain if things would be different if I was to see her face to face. But the chances of that occurring are slim to none. If only. Seeing this person looking unhealthy I certainly don't feel attraction. When we parted just before the final good bye there was a improvement in relations. You know like no hard feelings and what not. So it's like seeing an old friend not looking well.
Arabella Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) My ex (dumpee) lives a couple streets away from my SO's parent's house, and we regularly drive past his house to get to the highway after visiting them. Couple of weeks ago, he happened to be in the yard doing work with his brother. He looked ragged, sickly thin... clothes were too big and just hung from his body and cheeks were sunken. He was sporting a Jesus-like beard; completely unkempt... at 23 years old. Clearly he's not taking care of himself at all... He was the most unattractive I've ever seen him. Kinda made me wonder how on earth I ever found him desirable. He actually spotted me in the passenger seat, where I was laughing and talking to my SO and... glared at me. I'm currently pregnant and have gained weight, but I am still very pretty and look good anytime I go out. His cold look was actually quite telling to me. I think he was afraid we would stop and he would be forced to face me. He owes me a lot of money and refuses to answer my emails to work it out amicably. This is just what time does. You stop caring about them and start to see all their flaws for what they are. They might have been there all along, you just didn't see them because you were in love -A Edited December 5, 2013 by Arabella 2
JDPT Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 If only. Seeing this person looking unhealthy I certainly don't feel attraction. When we parted just before the final good bye there was a improvement in relations. You know like no hard feelings and what not. So it's like seeing an old friend not looking well. The feeling was more of a "ohhhh I remember her..." Felt rejuvenating to feel that way then. However, now I'm starting to feel like I'm getting sucked in like vortex all over again. Issues that I thought I dealt with resurface leaving me to feel as if I'm back to square one all over again. I guess I just need to ride this. bad wave.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 The feeling was more of a "ohhhh I remember her..." Felt rejuvenating to feel that way then. However, now I'm starting to feel like I'm getting sucked in like vortex all over again. Issues that I thought I dealt with resurface leaving me to feel as if I'm back to square one all over again. I guess I just need to ride this. bad wave. Well I'm not feeling that "sucked in" feeling. We've both moved on. I've moved about 100 miles away, graduated from the school we were both at. What's more is, I know that in six months she too will graduate and move on to a job or another school and whatever is going on now, that seems so important to her, now, will soon be trivial. In other words, this relationship was all it could have been all things considered.
Zoe Lilith Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I don't think that looks are relevant. I was impressed with my ex's eloquence and gentleman-like atittude. It was a new experience for me and I fall deep in love with him, I fell in love with him for who he was, or rather, who I thought he is. 1
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) I don't think that looks are relevant. I was impressed with my ex's eloquence and gentleman-like atittude. It was a new experience for me and I fall deep in love with him, I fell in love with him for who he was, or rather, who I thought he is. I know what you mean. The best description of what my relationship with her was about and like I found in Shakespeare. Othello part 2 - YouTube It was not about looks. However she looked good enough. She looked healthy and vibrant. Now she looks pale, thin, gaunt smiling in the picture but it looks so forced. I wish I just did not care at all. Just to be sure I have done a side by side comparison of pictures and, she's really objectively different looking. It would be one thing if I looked back at pictures from before and she looked awful in them now... there has been a real change in her appearance. She was an olive skinned beautiful mediterranean woman. Now she looks pale, gaunt, and grim. : | Oh well. It's not my problem now. Edited December 5, 2013 by Mrlonelyone 1
reddragon588 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Oh please. Anyone who says looks aren't important is full of it. Clearly you can't sustain a relationship on looks alone, but you also can't sustain a relationship without at least some physical attraction. As far as OP, I've seen some pictures of my ex recently and in my opinion she is just as attractive as ever. But it doesn't really matter too much, we tend to always think our current (or at least most recent partner) is the most attractive person we've ever been with. Sometimes after the relationship that image is proven to be just love blinding us. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Oh please. Anyone who says looks aren't important is full of it. Clearly you can't sustain a relationship on looks alone, but you also can't sustain a relationship without at least some physical attraction. Of course this is the case, but not everyone is attracted to the same "look". 1
reddragon588 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Of course this is the case, but not everyone is attracted to the same "look". I never said they were.
melell Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Everyone is attracted to different things. I have three sisters, we all like different things- to the point where it is insane. Looks matter relative to the individual. Some guys prefer girls that are bigger- nothing wrong with a large mammal. For me the problem is when people are nasty instead of accepting different tastes etc. There is never going to be a situation where everyone on the planet finds you attractive, so why alienate those that are interested in different things, or furthermore are different than you? What matters is what you personally find attractive- and when it comes to your ex, this shouldn't need to be considered. Move on.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Everyone is attracted to different things. I have three sisters, we all like different things- to the point where it is insane. Looks matter relative to the individual. Some guys prefer girls that are bigger- nothing wrong with a large mammal. For me the problem is when people are nasty instead of accepting different tastes etc. There is never going to be a situation where everyone on the planet finds you attractive, so why alienate those that are interested in different things, or furthermore are different than you? What matters is what you personally find attractive- and when it comes to your ex, this shouldn't need to be considered. Move on. What makes you think I haven't. We move in a relatively small circle within the profession I have been in for 15 years, and she is just starting in. We will see eachother around and be one degree of separation apart for the rest of our lives. That taken with the fact that it wasn't all horrible, even in the end, when I see her looking Ill I'm a bit concerned. It's only human to give a crap about someone who has plenty of $$$ looking like they are living through a famine or something.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 What makes you think I haven't. We move in a relatively small circle within the profession I have been in for 15 years, and she is just starting in. We will see eachother around and be one degree of separation apart for the rest of our lives. That taken with the fact that it wasn't all horrible, even in the end, when I see her looking Ill I'm a bit concerned. It's only human to give a crap about someone who has plenty of $$$ looking like they are living through a famine or something. Not your concern anymore. It sounds like you are using this as an excuse to justify contact. 1
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Not your concern anymore. It sounds like you are using this as an excuse to justify contact. Contact. No. I don't want any contact with her. I started this thread to see if anyone else had been through a simmilar experience, and they have been. Either she's always looked pale, gaunt, and unhealthy and I had love blinders on, or she's really taken a turn for the worse. Either way it's nice to know that I am not the only one dealing with this. That it may even be normal to now be able to see physical flaws for what they are.
melell Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 What makes you think I haven't. We move in a relatively small circle within the profession I have been in for 15 years, and she is just starting in. We will see eachother around and be one degree of separation apart for the rest of our lives. That taken with the fact that it wasn't all horrible, even in the end, when I see her looking Ill I'm a bit concerned. It's only human to give a crap about someone who has plenty of $$$ looking like they are living through a famine or something. My post wasn't directed at you. But yeah, I kind of agree with Simon on this one, there are people I know where it is a case of one degree of separation. I think of one specific person that does not look so great compared to how they looked in the past. It isn't my business to worry, or talk about them- if I was a part of their life of course I would, but given I am not it is really nothing to do with me. My ex isn't well. Far from it. I wish the best for them sure, but not to the point where I really care. Maybe it is selfish of me, but I just think it is their life, their choices, they can solve it, or get help from the people that are close to them...
Zoe Lilith Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Oh please. Anyone who says looks aren't important is full of it. Clearly you can't sustain a relationship on looks alone, but you also can't sustain a relationship without at least some physical attraction. As far as OP, I've seen some pictures of my ex recently and in my opinion she is just as attractive as ever. But it doesn't really matter too much, we tend to always think our current (or at least most recent partner) is the most attractive person we've ever been with. Sometimes after the relationship that image is proven to be just love blinding us. My ex was an averige looking guy, nothing special about him, as far as the looks are concerned. As I said, I was more attracted to his "talk"..come to think of it, "that was quite an act" ..wow
reddragon588 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 My ex was an averige looking guy, nothing special about him, as far as the looks are concerned. As I said, I was more attracted to his "talk"..come to think of it, "that was quite an act" ..wow You still had a physical attraction to him. 1
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