My Breakup Story Don't Know What To Think?

[EnigmaWolf92]

Feel free to ask questions. I've told this story many times now be it friends and family I'm sure to have left stuff out as much as I try to keep it to the point.

 

I guess the best way to go about this is start from the beginning and hope I leave nothing out but give a concise overview and by telling my story maybe reach some understanding in the end.

 

For the sake of the story I will call my ex S.

 

I met S in my first year of attending college. We quickly became friends and found we had many common interests. Eventually I asked her to go out with me for Valentines day. The date went well and a few months later I asked her out officially in private at a party with my friends and read her a poem I wrote for her.

 

Keeping to the point me and S like many couples spent time together and enjoyed each others company we took things slow and everything seemed fine for a long time.

 

In the end we ended up dating for a year and a half but things eventually got rough. I was goofing around at a family party and I guess was rough housing and it gave her parents the wrong idea. See I come from what some people would call a "broken home" and S comes from A happy on the outside home her family being avid church goers. I guess in the end they did not like what they saw in me.

 

 

Around one year and four months in I was asked to come over to her family's house to defend our relationship. I came and met with her dad on the porch. He told me his thoughts about me putting my hands on his daughter and pretty much stated his views of me I respectfully listened and did not argue with him.

 

After that me and S talked for a while and I asked her if she would like to break up she always came back to if that's what you want and well it was not what I wanted I broke up with her because I thought that is what she needed at the time and made plans to go strict NC.

 

Her parents contacted me after that and talked to me about things and it was agreed we should talk more in person and figure things out and I broke my one rule of dating for the first time and attempted to be friends with her even when I was still in love.

 

That lasted about two months during that time I would message S on facebook and well she was at work it always showed someone was reading the messages. It turned out her mom was monitoring all our conversations. Now we being both over 20 years old I found this silly but she refused to block her mother from doing such even when it was an invasion of privacy because she cared more about honoring her mother and keeping the peace then to go against her.

 

The spying I think lead me to anxiety and clinging issues. At this point College would soon be ending for her and I wanted it to be the best time it could for her so I went a little overboard on being a good friend and in hindsight most likely acted like more of a boyfriend. Bringing her flowers and candy, meeting her when ever I could and just going out of my way to make her laugh.

 

She told me at one point her parents don't know how to cope with a guy wanting to be in her life. And I guess when they heard us talking about Marriage got over protective and worried I might hurt there daughter and started taking steps to keep us apart.

 

S called me one night out of the blue and asked me to come with her to have a counseling session with her pastor and help do some work on a store afterwords and hang out. In that session with the pastor we talked and brought up the breakup. He told us we should cut off all communication with each other and go our own ways.

 

All I know is we both cried at the same time. She agreed with the decision I did not. I know one thing she always told me was silence would be devastating and she always wanted to be in my life to some extent. This is a girl who I have gone out of my way time and time again to do what she wants and knowing If I love her enough I should let her go. I did not agree with the pastor making our decision for us. He told us for now the only time we should talk is at College and if we did make it brief.

 

So in the span of about a day it seems like she flipped a switch. She blocked me on all forums of social media and that was that. She seemed fine talking to me at College. Then her family got involved again. I walked into College one day and was told by the College we could not talk to each other and bring our personal relationships here as the College was a place of learning. After that I had no way to contact her and it sort of blind sided me.

 

I had the day before asked S if she ever saw us being friends again and talking in the future she said yes. I asked if she saw a future for us. She said she did in the far future.

 

I obeyed the colleges wishes for a couple weeks but the lack of communication killed me. I eventually ended up talking to her again on the phone due to a family member having ordered products from her family and them needed to be delivered.

 

Her family was refusing to do business with me and trying to do it via a third party mutual friend. My family member thought this was silly and tried to get them to deal with us directly. Eventually it ended up with my family member arguing with there family member about our relationship and each family's views on it.

 

The topic of closure was discussed and the phone was handed to me and S and me talked. I asked S if this is what she wanted and tried to give her choices to help solve the situation. The problem is the whole time we talked her mother was listening in on the call so we could never really get privacy and she was not allowed to meet me face to face.

 

She promised me she would try to fix the College situation so we could talk and I know she reached out to the dean and attempted to do so but the dean said it could not be changed. She told me she would still do this and that and I could still send her my papers to be proof read and such.

 

The next mistake I made was I emailed her via college email asking if she could proof read one of my papers and told her sorry for everything. The college took this as me attempting to contact her when I was told not to and gave me a suspension of sorts. I had to finish up my term from home.

 

I after that tried to call her and even meet with her to see what the problem was but my attempts were ignored.

 

Two days later I get an Email from S parents telling me not to contact S anymore and if I do they will file a restraining order.

 

I did not contact S but later on I got a call from a Cop stating that no restraining order was filed however he told me to stay away from her or one would be filed.

 

Since then I have had strict NC with her. I know she still keeps in touch with my friends and keeps photos up of me and other things here and there.

 

I messed up today and wished her Happy Thanksgiving. I don't know what will come of that but I hope it does not lead to a restraining being filed.

 

The way the situation with S is to me as it sits. I have not talked with her for over three months. We where happy and best friends up until the day we talked with the pastor. Since then everything has been done through her parents. It seems like once her parents made up there mind about me and Pre-judged me by my family they took every effort to make sure she does not contact me again.

 

From what I knew this girl loves me very deeply and wanted to marry me and accepted me for my faults. Her parents once asked her when we where in the process of trying to figure things out if she loved me or was in love with me she said both. Her parents said you can't have it as both but she said once again it was both.

 

She has been the first relationship I've had where I felt I belong I love her family she loves me and she fits in with my friends and we both fit in each other lives.

 

It seems like in the end the choices were taken out of our hands and I'll never really know what she want's because her parents won't let her speak for herself. I don't know if I should ever really have hope because if she is not willing to settle for someone her parents don't approve of even if she loves them not sure what can be done.

 

I've had people tell me that she has said she wants to see how things are in a year. I don't know why she would try to leave a door open like that.

 

It seems in summary the relationship had problems like all relationships.

Her parents did not approve and took the choice out of her hands.

She has sent many mixed signals and messages since the break up but has not contacted me directly.

 

Just the other day it showed she viewed my profile and seems to be in the same down break up blues mood im in.

 

Clip notes version: Her parents did not approve of the relationship, She seems to still be checking up on me. I messed up and broke NC on thanksgiving. We both still seem to love each other but everything's unknown and there's nothing we can do. The last time we talked without someone prying into our conversations was about 3-4 months ago. It seems like there is no way for her to contact me without her parents knowing even if she wants to and I don't know why I'd expect her to. I may be reading into things to much.

Edited November 29, 2013 by EnigmaWolf92

[ariesgirl-328]

Wow, that was a lengthy read.

 

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. All I can say is that you NEED to let go. This girl chose her path in listening to her parents and the pastor and not working as hard as you were to get in contact.

 

She's keeping you around by saying maybe in the future, but that is extremely selfish of her. For once, please look at yourself and see that holding onto her will do you no good and that you will continue to feel pain until you decide that she is no longer an option by her own choice.

 

After all, there are so many of us that go against our families to be with the person we love, I was in a similar situation and was ready to give up everything for someone because my parents hated him for his religion. If she loved you enough and wanted you to be with her forever, she would have chosen to do the same.

 

Let go and move on. If it's meant to be, some day she will come back herself and cross all the obstacles in her way to be with you.

[EnigmaWolf92]

I'm sorry about the long read that's why I tried to include detail and dumb it down at the end. Just writing it all out in general even with what I may or may not of missed seems to take a massive weight off my shoulders.

 

I think I know I need to let go its the mixed signals that I should ignore and as you pretty much stated the "maybe" that kills me because it gives me false hope I don't want and hurts my attempt at healing but I can't blame someone for not knowing what they are doing to me.

 

Ah and in essence that's where It always gets tricky. The best thing is to let go and move on. However we always add that but if. but if its meant to be the person will come back. I don't want to look at things and think like that because It only makes things harder but I know we are all victims of it.

 

Moving on seems to be a constant day to day process. This post even with my mistakes was my way of dealing with things today and at least I can say I feel better for it. I mean I know I need to keep moving and stop even considering contacting her be it holidays or otherwise. Some days are rougher then others and at least I'm better off posting here then all over say a social media page.

Edited November 29, 2013 by EnigmaWolf92

[ariesgirl-328]

I understand what you're going through. I'll tell you in a summary what happened with me and it might help you gain insight on what to do.

 

I fell in love with a guy. Eventually, he stopped calling me, messaging me, etc except very little. Eventually, about a month later, he called me and said he wants to break up because he is just too busy and doesn't even have time to think about me or even call me and MAYBE someday in the future we would get back together when things settle down.

 

Besides the fact that we used to be comfortable enough to talk even when he was using the toilet for a few minutes so his statement about not having enough time made no sense, I hung on to him and kept calling and messaging him for months afterwards when he basically stopped responding altogether. Yet every once in a while he would throw that maybe statement at me so I kept going.

 

Eventually I got to upset, and went NC for a month....and he never messaged me even once in that time to find out why I stopped calling and messaging.

 

After the month, I reached out to him to find out he's engaged to another girl and when we talked he just did not care anymore. I realized the only reason he'd been giving me the maybe was to string me along as an option for him incase he never found someone else. But as soon as he found someone, I was kicked out of his life, and tortured by the pain and heartbreak I kept feeling since the time we broke up until today.

 

Don't let that happen to you. You need to move on and stand up on your two feet. She's stringing you along. The maybe is a probably not because if she wanted you to be with her, she would have chased you to the end of this Earth. Let her go and find happiness within yourself. I promise you there is someone else out there for you.

[EnigmaWolf92]

Yeah towards the end she acted like she was very busy as well but this was someone who would stay up with me all night if they knew I had a problem and was never to busy for me and said I would never waste there time.

 

During one period after two weeks of NC following the initial breakup she told me she talked to someone else because she needed a sounding board because she was not allowed to talk to me. She said she felt guilty and just talked to them about day to day stuff and tried to calm me ect. So the likely hood of her breaking NC even now is laughable. I don't know why I kid myself sometimes.

 

I'm starting to feel like she may have moved on months ago because she keeps adding to her circle of guy friends. but that's reading into things one way or another.

 

I feel in a way as you have stated kicked out and feeling the same sort of pain. In then end I hope I can move on because sometimes not knowing is really better.

 

I know being someones second or last choice is not worth it and I should treat myself better.

Edited November 29, 2013 by EnigmaWolf92

[ariesgirl-328]

Well you're not alone in your feelings, and if I'm getting through this day by day, I know you can too (: but honestly, NC is the best thing ever. Don't ever break it! Good luck and be happy

[EnigmaWolf92]

It's hard to see it as the best thing but in reality it really is the only option. I guess seeing it from other peoples perspectives helps in acceptance of the fact. Good luck to you as well.