Depressed, guilty feelings... And hurting.

[Saharaq]

First of all, I met this guy in October, very good looking white Scottish man, I live in London and I am a black female and he in scotland. We met online and got along really well. We never had any problems with talking but I noticed that he had a bit of insecurity. After being together he was asking me if his penis was the biggest I have ever had. I told him yes because I felt that it was the right thing to do and there was no need putting him down or saying what sizes I had seen. Then came the constant questions and me having to reassure him all the time. A few days ago I went to scotland and we were happy together the first day and the next thing we were watching The Wolverine and there was a fight scene with Hugh jackman. Next thing I did was say wow. My now ex boyfriend started asking me why I said wow. Being fed up of his ways of thinking I got angry and started raising my voice and "saying, what is wrong with you, why are you watching every single word I say. It's a movie and I am was admiring a fight sequence and not him. Besides he is an actor and I am never going to meet up anyway" My ex then got angry and said that I wanted to meet him if I had a chance. We fought about this for about 5 hours. I got so frustrated and said, look... Why are you so hung up about all this.. Ok fine, I am in love with Hugh jackman are you happy now? Then it got worse ...... He kicked the wall in and then we were arguing more and more and I got frustrated and all I could here was how I wanted another man. I started trying to calm him down and lost it... I was swinging punches and crying (please I am not violent but I was so frustrated). We got to bed at 6am, then I was drained and tired. The next day the fight resumed till night time and then I had gone 36 hours without food and water and cried a lot telling him it was over. He kept telling me I was violent and a sociopath and I reminded him of an ex of his. I lost it again and went for him because I was so tired and I was also trying to just grab him and make him understand that I loved him. I made the wrong move by hitting him again but I was so frustrated and tired from begging him, he had called me an ungrateful c**t and how he spent money flying me from london to scotland and paying for my food.I have been in abusive relationships before where I was called names and this time I was hurting and I know swinging punches was bad but I was just numb and frustrated and I had cried so much. When we argued I did tell him it was over because I was tired of walking on egg shells and not been allowed to say anything without being criticized. When he dropped me in the airport, I went back to him begging and saying I was sorry. He told me I was a liar because I told him I didn't mean to say it was over or say I loved Hugh Jackman but he said it was done and I was a compulsive liar, a violent sociopath, a cunt and said that African people like me chopped off people's hands, he even said that my belief in a Christian God was messed up. He said the only was I could make him forgive me was to turn back time . Today when I was leaving he told me not to stand by his front porch whilst waiting for a taxi as he didn't want me to be seen by his neighbours. I was so humiliated. I am sorry for hitting him, and before I left I withdrew 300 pounds and put it through his mailbox to refund him for flights he paid for me. I know I shouldnt come here trying to seek validation but did I do wrong by saying wow while watching a fight sequence ?.. I really was not even admiring Hugh jackman. Please someone help me, I know I said hurtful things too but I did apologise and went on my knees begging and begging but he said he doesn't believe in forgiveness. I was able to get a ticket back to london and I am home now. My friends now told me that I should have been careful and never date outside my race. I am not racist and I don't believe all white people are bad. This guy worries me...yes I know I messed up by hitting him... I really was so frustrated and tired...I don't even know Hugh jackman... I am just so shocked that there are people out there who get concerned about things like this... Please help

[strive]

Wow. This guy has ISSUES.

 

Yes it hurts now but let me just say you dodged a bullet by (accidentally?) dumping him. Okay so you did make some wrong moves. It's good that you're acknowledging that. But this guy needs some serious help I think.

 

Don't call him and don't answer the phone when he calls. Clear your head first before making any decisions that you might regret. Once you get over the initial shock, you'll realize that this is all for the best.

[Shaine]

Your ex is crazy! Who gets jealous of celebrity crushes? Right now your not thinking clearly. You cant see what a horrible peraon your ex is.

 

You will move on easily from this. Just think about it. He is super insecure. He is crazy. You will never be happy in the long run. A long term relationship is impossible with him.

 

But, next time, when you mad at your bf, dont hit him okay?