Hurtandangry44 Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Ugghhh! I am turning into someone I hate. I found out I was the "other woman". Meaning I had a boyfriend who it turns out had another serious girlfriend that I knew nothing about. I created a cheater profile of him on a website. And then sent it to him. His ex wife reached out to me as asked me to delete it. Still trying to decide whether to or not. So here's the latest way I'm torturing myself. I created a fake Facebook profile and friended both him and the other girlfriend. She knows he cheated on her for about 6 months but she has chosen to stay with him. Every time I log onto this fake profile, I can tell when they are together. If they aren't, she is literally on Facebook all the time. If they are together, neither of them are on. I can also see when they are both on chatting with one another. I feel like I'm going crazy. I've never felt like this in my life. It's not like she's won some great prize. She's choosing to stay with someone who had an entire other relationship going on or mover half of the time they've been together. Does anyone have any advice on how to stop? I k know sounds like it should be easy, but I've kind of become obsessed with knowing at all times when they are together. Even though it hurts me.
TylerDurdenn Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 You're definitely losing it. Why do you care so much for this prick? 2
Author Hurtandangry44 Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 You're definitely losing it. Why do you care so much for this prick? I have no idea why. I honestly cannot figure it out. I'm usually a really logical person, but I literally can't stop. Maybe it's the feeling of betrayal? I don't think I'd have an issue with it if he was dating someone else. I just don't understand why hes the horrible person and yet he gets to continue being happy. And she gets to continue on like nothing is wrong while my life feels like it is falling apart. 1
CaliBabe Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Wow, this is a little over the top. You are only hurting yourself with this torture. You need to put this energy into focusing on yourself. Go take up a new hobby, get your hair done, nails done, go to the spa, gym, anything! Don't sit around and facebook stalk them. You are doing nothing but delaying your own healing. I promise you if you do things to love yourself a better man will come along and love you way better than your ex could have. He is scum. Cheating on both the long term gf and stringing you along? Karmas a B*TCH! You really want to get him back for betraying you? Move on and be HAPPY. It is truly the best revenge. 1
Iguanna Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 There are some people who want to victimize themselves in order to have an excuse to not moving on. These people can be insecure and have low esteem. Something big must happen to wake them up. I admit I went through this phase some years ago (I remember it now and I feel so ashamed and bad :S). I used to check what he was doing, who he was talking to etc. It was a bad period of my life. At the end he lied to me on my birthday and that was the wake up call I needed. I said to myself "this is the person I cry for, totally worthless" and I went on vacation, which helped me get out of the "hole" I put myself into. Mom and friends helped enormously. Even if we tell you to stop you won't unless you realize yourself how pathetic that is. It's up to you and only you. But remember, the hours you spend on stalking your loser ex could be hours you would spend to hang out with friends or even meeting the love of your life!
Zahara Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 (edited) I have no idea why. I honestly cannot figure it out. I'm usually a really logical person, but I literally can't stop. Maybe it's the feeling of betrayal? I don't think I'd have an issue with it if he was dating someone else. I just don't understand why hes the horrible person and yet he gets to continue being happy. And she gets to continue on like nothing is wrong while my life feels like it is falling apart. Your ego is bruised. You're upset he didn't chose you and the "why" he didn't chose you. You're channeling your anger and resentment by creating all this drama for yourself because you want some sort of justice. It's the bitterness that won't allow you to let go. You want some sort of retribution to validate yourself. When all the valdation you need is that you should consider yourself really blessed for being able to dodge a cheater. Instead you're cracking your skull about how she gets to continue like nothing is wrong? She gets to continue because she choose to accept bad behavior. If you want to do the same, go back to him. And yes, horrible people have great lives too. You're no exception. We've all been with sucky people that go on living life without a care about who they trampled on, cheated on or stepped on. If you're going to go on a rampage everytime someone wrongs you, you're just going to be living your life stuck on everyone else but you. The advice you have been given is unanimous. Let it go. This is useless and senseless. He's living life. She's going on with him like nothing ever happened. And you? What are you doing? Still talking about a site that has served you no purpose. Now you've created a fake profile to stalk your ex and that has served no purpose as well other than to hurt you even more. Stop taking the knife and stabbing yourself, over and over again. Put it down. Edited November 26, 2013 by Zahara 2
Haydn Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Tyler your posts always cheer me up. Your so clinical! You're definitely losing it. Why do you care so much for this prick? 1
Author Hurtandangry44 Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 Your ego is bruised. You're upset he didn't chose you and the "why" he didn't chose you. You're channeling your anger and resentment by creating all this drama for yourself because you want some sort of justice. It's the bitterness that won't allow you to let go. You want some sort of retribution to validate yourself. When all the valdation you need is that you should consider yourself really blessed for being able to dodge a cheater. Instead you're cracking your skull about how she gets to continue like nothing is wrong? She gets to continue because she choose to accept bad behavior. If you want to do the same, go back to him. And yes, horrible people have great lives too. You're no exception. We've all been with sucky people that go on living life without a care about who they trampled on, cheated on or stepped on. If you're going to go on a rampage everytime someone wrongs you, you're just going to be living your life stuck on everyone else but you. The advice you have been given is unanimous. Let it go. This is useless and senseless. He's living life. She's going on with him like nothing ever happened. And you? What are you doing? Still talking about a site that has served you no purpose. Now you've created a fake profile to stalk your ex and that has served no purpose as well other than to hurt you even more. Stop taking the knife and stabbing yourself, over and over again. Put it down. Thanks so much Zahara. Your posts always get through to me. I try to tell myself that I walked away from him. He really didnt choose her. You sound a lot like my friends here in the real world. They ask exactly what she had won. Yes, he may like her but he is so staying with her because he knows she'll accept his bad behavior and not go anywhere. I have a ton of friends and family that love me to pieces. I'm also really blessed in my life to have an amazing career and to be financially stable on my own. I've had people who have wronged me in the past, including ex's. I had one really bad breakup with someone that I dated for 6 years. It devastated me. and I've always taken the high road. I've never felt the need for revenge like I do now, and this relationship was just a little over 6 months. I'm not really sure what is happening to my emotional state. I really do hate feeling like this. I've tried to stop. Ill go a day or two and not check the fake account, but then I'm right back at it.
Zahara Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 (edited) Thanks so much Zahara. Your posts always get through to me. I try to tell myself that I walked away from him. He really didnt choose her. You sound a lot like my friends here in the real world. They ask exactly what she had won. Yes, he may like her but he is so staying with her because he knows she'll accept his bad behavior and not go anywhere. I have a ton of friends and family that love me to pieces. I'm also really blessed in my life to have an amazing career and to be financially stable on my own. I've had people who have wronged me in the past, including ex's. I had one really bad breakup with someone that I dated for 6 years. It devastated me. and I've always taken the high road. I've never felt the need for revenge like I do now, and this relationship was just a little over 6 months. I'm not really sure what is happening to my emotional state. I really do hate feeling like this. I've tried to stop. Ill go a day or two and not check the fake account, but then I'm right back at it. What are you hoping to uncover or learn from the fake FB profile that you have created? I've tried to stop isn't the same as I want to stop. It's a choice. A decision. And when you make it, you stick by it. And you do that because YOU want to be done with this drama. The thing is, you DON'T want to be done with the drama. Tried isn't the issue. Don't is your problem. This is the way you deal with your pain. Others cry, post here, break NC, sit in depression, etc. You, you post on a cheater site and create fake profiles. That's how you deal with it. Those short relationships are harder to get over. In that short time you create an image of what you want it to be, what your hopes are and things are still in the honeymoon stage and the potential is limitless, and you're giddy with the newness of it all and then you suddenly get cut at the knees. You were on a high and suddenly you're nothing. And added with the pain of betrayal, it's even harder to wrap your head around. What happened? Why? But? How come? And when someone is cheating o you, it makes you question your value. Makes it even worse. You HAVE to WANT this to end. Until you come to a resolution whereby you aren't driven emotionally but rationally to 1) say to yourself you've had enough 2) it's time to put the focus back on you but most of all 3) you are ready to let go and start grieving and healing, you will keep going back to FB and you will hold on to that cheater site. I don't think anyone can say anything to make you stop. You have to want it. Edited November 26, 2013 by Zahara 1
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 If you are reading this, you are on the internet. Log out of LS. Go to these other sites & delete the profiles. Close out every way you have to complain about them or check up on them. Now set about finding yourself a different healthier hobby.
TylerDurdenn Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Tyler your posts always cheer me up. Your so clinical! Lol cheers mate I hope they don't come across as harsh!! OP join the gym, get in shape and show him what he's missing. 1
nevergoodenough Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Lol cheers mate I hope they don't come across as harsh!! OP join the gym, get in shape and show him what he's missing. first you did the cheater thing.. now the fb thing all for a guy that cheated on you and lied to you. Come on now.. stop this. You will not get someone back by acting crazy, that I know for sure.
Haydn Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 No worries mate. Think we are both at the same stage. Not bitter but strangely ironic. And not like Leyton Orient away at all. But i would agree that that the OP has to get out of this rut. You can do it. Look at us? We are still here and we are slowly coming out of the clouds..... You can too. Lol cheers mate I hope they don't come across as harsh!! OP join the gym, get in shape and show him what he's missing.
Author Hurtandangry44 Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 hi hurtandangry, i'd venture the guess that you actually don't give a turd for this man & are trying to rescue others from him. if not rescuing others, at the very least pissed that you unfairly got the shaft while another lady is on easy street. your anger is totally justified, so if you waste it by isolating & focusing on these weirdos, you're misusing the trump card that could keep your pride intact & get you out there dating again, or at least socializing rather than getting sucked into a virtual voyeuristic position which is, face it, completely helpless. are you going to give up your trump card - wrongly getting the shaft - by prolonging the pain you were administered by someone else, so that in the end you actually become the only one really to blame? no. keep the blame where it belongs, squarely with him. leave it with him, & go out & get what you are entitled to: a life. & get ready, there are plenty more *******s out there. a lot of them are social butterflies littering the dating scene. actually your experience to me seems par for the course. lots of jerks in the dating world, male & female. j This! This! This! People assume I want him back. I don't. I just don't want him to be happy. I thought for sure the other girlfriend would leave him too. I'm so shocked that she didnt. What kind of person stays despite such a betrayal? I thought he would have to pay for what he did. And instead, everything is fine for him. I get that there are all kinds of crappy people leading great lives. I just don't want that to be him. I could care less who he dates, except for her, right now. They didnt break up at all. He didnt have to work at it. She just forgave him. He did not have one minute of suffering. I get life's not fair. And I deal with that fact very well day to day. Just not wih this. I have never obsessed over anything like this. I get that it is a choice. At te same time it feels completely uncontrollable to me.
Jules78 Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 This! This! This! People assume I want him back. I don't. I just don't want him to be happy. I thought for sure the other girlfriend would leave him too. I'm so shocked that she didnt. What kind of person stays despite such a betrayal? I thought he would have to pay for what he did. And instead, everything is fine for him. I get that there are all kinds of crappy people leading great lives. I just don't want that to be him. I could care less who he dates, except for her, right now. They didnt break up at all. He didnt have to work at it. She just forgave him. He did not have one minute of suffering. I get life's not fair. And I deal with that fact very well day to day. Just not wih this. I have never obsessed over anything like this. I get that it is a choice. At te same time it feels completely uncontrollable to me. A person who would rather stay than go through the pain of losing them. And I am hear to tell you that is a bad decision. Trust, gone. It will end eventually because she'll either drive him away nagging about it or he will do it again and she will be out. I obsess too. I did it today. It doesn't make you feel any better does it?
seekingpeaceinlove Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Hurtandangry, I read these words from a post on LS and it's helped me immensely: NOTHING IS EVER AS IT SEEMS. Your cheating ex may seem happy, enjoying a relationship, enjoying love...no consequences from the cheating. It could be true...or not. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. FB is a platform for people to put their best face forward....often glorified....exaggerated...sometimes fake. What you see is not necessarily what's really happening. Your ex, his relationship/his life is no longer your concern. All you're doing now is torturing yourself and everything you're doing as "revenge" only makes you look bad. Not him. Let it go. He's not worth your energy in any way shape or form. Focus on bettering you and being happy again. Living well is the best revenge!
LostConfused123 Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 This happened to me too at one time. . . I was incredibly angry and I think it's because I felt like he used me in the worst way possible. . . I would NEVER and I mean NEVER get involved with a "taken" man. . . I was furious because he made me part of his sick game. I felt sick that I had a part (unbeknownst to me) in hurting a fellow human being so badly. Had I know, I would have never had sex with him!!! If he had been up front, I would have at least had a choice if I want to be part of cheating. Which I don't!!! I was so mad at myself for something that would absolutely devastate this poor girl even though I had no idea. If he had been upfront I would have had no part in his deceit and that's what pisses me off!!!! I hurt another human being (her) and never would have if I had known all the facts!! when someone puts us in that position because of their lies and selfishness we feel duped and used!!! A horrific feeling!!
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