yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 run down on what happened. 12 n half years 2 kids perfect life we had everything from nothing if that makes sense. we split 3 months ago she was unhappy for some time. i begged cried and all that rubbish for 2 months roughly. it was a bad break up. i have fallen out with her and her family partly cos i was the dumpee and couldnt get my head straight. i have since been dating and now have feelings for someone else. and the new lady is waiting for me we are sort of seeing each other slept together once whilst drunk we both can only remember bits of it but we see each other when ever we can but i have the kids and am protecting her. well i thought i was moving on here comes the bomb shell! ex has been to hospital and had scans down stairs bad news she is in bits now at hospital. could be cancer i dont know she been there since 11am. i have got the kids and not telling them yet but i have said im there for ex as i do still love her and she is the mother of my kids. but i am so confused. help me someone give me some advice please by way ex hasnt said she wants me back but i feel i owe her support still. not cos of us but cos of the kids and im scared for the worse. i need help im in bits just being strong for the kids.
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 For your kids' sake be nice to their mother until you find out definitively what's wrong. They will never forgive you if you "kick her when she's down."
Author yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 yeah i know that and i am there for her even without the kids because i do love her but im scared now as i have feelings for someone else and i dont wanna hurt anyone! i am there for my ex cos even though its been 3 months since we badly split 12 n half years we spent together as a close family and she was my world im just so confused my head is fecked. hearing her cry has shocked me and im scared for her, i regret alot of thinks . i dont bloody know just head is a shed
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 The someone else has to understand that she's the mother of your kids. Even if that person gets hurt, it won't be permanent damage.
Author yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 thanks for that yeah she is understanding and tbh we are good mates the new woman and we arent an item yet but so very close , but yes ex i will support her. but thanks for your advice much appreciated
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 What the hell are you doing getting into another RS just 3 months after a 12 year RS? Bad, bad, bad, bad idea. This is not going to go well. Sounds like you have co-dependency issues which will need to be sorted out first and foremost.
Author yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 yeah i sort of agree with you there but tbh it wasn't really like that. but now reading it i guess it is im confused. it started off as a confidence thing im not in a relationship with this new lass yes i want one i guess i dont really know. im confused but thanks for that
Haydn Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Yorkie mate, be there for her. The kids need to see you be the gaffer now. As for the the other crush if you like her them be honest to her. If she has feelings for you she will understand. Remember there for the kids. You went boozing with the the big G. You can do this.
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 yeah i sort of agree with you there but tbh it wasn't really like that. but now reading it i guess it is im confused. it started off as a confidence thing im not in a relationship with this new lass yes i want one i guess i dont really know. im confused but thanks for that Well, I can tell you that you will have a very tough time not bringing old baggage and issues into a new RS this soon after the last. I believe one should spend a significant amount of time after a LTR reflecting, growing and learning about themselves and what they want. So soon after a LTR, you have not had enough time to do this. You haven't learned the lessons yet.
Author yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 yeah cheers hadyn i will be there for her end of the day i still do love her and yes my kids will always come first! and my ex i will be there for to! thanks mate that was a nicely put message i am the gaffer and i need to act like it i have done it with the kids now i will for my ex, the other lass is sound to she has actually said to wait 6 months but we got drunk one night and tbh both cant remember much. but she is a good mate of mine to. i am just confused as people on here kept saying move on etc go and date etc and now this yeah its tough and yes i should of waited, just didn't wanna hurt. now im hurting alot more. but your right i am the gaffa and i need to think of others instead of me, she phoned me the ex did in tears and all i wanted to do was go to the hospital she is still there now but i cant go cos i have the kids at home just bought us a takeaway. i am texting her every hour to see if there is news yet?
Crila16 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 You've been married for 12 years and have 2 kids. She broke up with you...and you've moved on in only 3 months. This is what I don't get. How is this even possible? You do know this new girl is nothing but a rebound...don't you? You have displaced your feelings onto her, and you haven't really dealt with anything. You wanted a quick fix to take the pain away. You're most likely going to break this new girls heart, because your pain will come up and bite you one day. You need to be there for your children. They're #1. Forget this other woman for now. You have a lot going on, and whether your wife hurt you or not...she's the mother of your children. Be there for her. Stop worrying about the "new love". She's not important right now. THis is serious stuff. 2
Author yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 yes i know, thanks i do feel like sh@t at the mo and yeah i just got off the phoned to the ex and we cried. i am so mixed up i really am.
Author yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 by the way i wasnt married but like that makes a difference i know. also yes due to people on this site stating move on and date etc which is my own fault not blaming anyone but not always NC and go on dates i now realise is the best thing! by god i feel so sh@t right now,
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 by the way i wasnt married but like that makes a difference i know. also yes due to people on this site stating move on and date etc which is my own fault not blaming anyone but not always NC and go on dates i now realise is the best thing! by god i feel so sh@t right now, Take it easy. No need to feel like ****. Just back it up a bit and slowly move forward in the right direction. Let this new girl know what's up and get right with yourself for a while. You don't need a new love interest.
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 but what do i do with my ex? I really can't speak to that... Sorry Maybe others have some wise words...
Haydn Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Yorkie, shes in an nhs trust? those guys are good, keep the faith.
Author yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 wow found my thread again lol admin must of changed my title, wow my head is a shed well she phoned me we cried whilst doctor is out of the room she has a 5cm cist which is growing she has to go for an operation. but i am confused! does she still love me she phoned me and cried with me should i wait should i go i dont know! argh this pain is so bad! is this breadcrumbs? argh i am so bloody confused i was nice and supportive and will be to her but when i was down, she wasnt there for me what do i do should i still go LC for the kids? her gran said she must have feelings for me whilst she would not of phoned me! we both cried does this mean there could be a chance i dont know? i was moving on? has she got control back i dont know!
Author yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 do i ask her why she contacted me ? why hasnt she got support from her family? i dont know?
Author yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 well i just wanna say sorry for all this guys, i have been used as an emotional tool. she was crying after i last spoke to her and i said to her to go home and take night off work and rest because she had an emotional day and tiring day i got her to promise me to go home which she did. and guess what i phoned her mum and asked if she was there and she said no shes at work! well so much for a stressful day. i feel betrayed again, i was there for her and i feel used emotionally. i guess i need to learn my lesson. sorry guys for posting all this i feel a right n@b. but thanks again
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 well i just wanna say sorry for all this guys, i have been used as an emotional tool. she was crying after i last spoke to her and i said to her to go home and take night off work and rest because she had an emotional day and tiring day i got her to promise me to go home which she did. and guess what i phoned her mum and asked if she was there and she said no shes at work! well so much for a stressful day. i feel betrayed again, i was there for her and i feel used emotionally. i guess i need to learn my lesson. sorry guys for posting all this i feel a right n@b. but thanks again Might be best to wish her well and lots of luck with her current issues. And then put some distance between you and her for a while. Let her know that you need some time away from this to get your head on straight and that you can possibly be there for her in the future, but just not right at this moment. You don't know if you're coming or going at this point. And, while you are so confused and emotional, you are no help to anyone, especially yourself.
Author yorkie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 very wise words and i like what your saying i have just texted her and said im glad she has all clear of dreaded cancer and wished luck i also said she needs support and she has a good family and that she should seek help from them as i cant help her. i said dont worry about the kids if its your time i will sort it etc and that she needs to look after herself. but so do i.
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 What you do with your EX has multiple components. First, what do the kids need? Second, how life threatening is her condition & what long term impacts will it have on her? Do you need to obtain custody of the kids? Does she have a will, a living will etc. Third, what do you want & how will you feel if she died & you did nothing to help? Fourth, to a limited extent, what does she want? 1
Author yorkie Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 well after a nights sleep which was ok only woke up twice during the night, i have now come to the conclusion yes it was bad what she did to me i will support her through this regarding the kids like i always have and don can i just say i have the kids living with me. the kids come first like i have always said. i will obviously be there for her but i have asked her to seek support from her family as it has confused me she also said she has talked to her mate and praised me for being kind. which tbh i dont wanna know. all i have read on this forums is move on go LC and move on find another woman and go on dates etc. now i have done that i am determined to move on. but you know what it will happen one day that she will come back and say she made the worse decision ever to split up with me. we had everything and she broke that she cant use me emotionally as that aint fair. i probs sound awful here but thats the decision i am making. thanks for the support guys
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 LC/NC is not a good idea when kids are involved. Conventional wisdom doesn't apply to every situation.
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