audreysrose Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Hello So a brief backstory. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about eight months ago. We were each other's first love. We had been friends for a few years before we started dating. We fell in love quickly because the feelings had been there for him for a long time. And I started to realize I liked him back too. The whole transition from friends to a couple seemed completely natural. The thing with my ex was that he never felt good enough for me. It was like he put me on a pedestal even though I never acted that way. We dated less than six months but it got very serious. He talked about wanting to marry me and have kids, the whole bit. Somewhere along the line though things changed. I later found out my "best friend" had been texting him behind my back and talking badly about my relationship to others. Soon my ex was more or less looking for a reason to end it with me and he did. He immediately began dating my "friend", who is a girl that has all the traits he claimed to have never wanted in someone. Eight months later, I still see my ex and his girlfriend on a regular basis because of church. He and I have spoken only a few times since the break up and he says he is fine with me and wants us to be friends someday. He cautioned me not to get any "false hope" about our relationship to which I laughed. He has lost weight and looks angry and bitter when I see him. Or he wears this big, huge cheesy smile on his face that looks almost manic. I can tell without a doubt that he hates me; he won't even look at me, let alone speak to me. When he does look at me he glares and when I'm around he stomps away from me as quickly as he can. He is always asking our mutual friends if I am badmouthing him. I have done nothing to him. I was never the crazy ex-girlfriend who went nuts. I was broken hearted over the betrayal and did my best to avoid them both. What do you think of his behavior? Shouldn't the dumpee be the one who hates their ex, not the dumper? I'm so confused.
aybc123 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Honestly? I think he knows deep down that he made a horrible mistake by following through on the temptation of your friend and regrets it because it can never be fixed and now he is with the wrong person. He doesn't hate you, he hates himself. 1
Sugarkane Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Also he doesn't have the balls to talk to you/face you.
Author audreysrose Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 Honestly? I think he knows deep down that he made a horrible mistake by following through on the temptation of your friend and regrets it because it can never be fixed and now he is with the wrong person. He doesn't hate you, he hates himself. Wow. That makes a lot of sense. Do you think this still applies even though he claims to be in love with this girl? My former friend also isn't able to face me, though she tells her friends that he is much happier with her than he ever was with me. I've heard about the whole "rebound" thing but this seems like a long time for it to be that. But why would you stay with someone that's wrong for you if you know you aren't happy?
aybc123 Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Do you think this still applies even though he claims to be in love with this girl? Yes. What else do you expect him to say? you'll never get that confirmed as the truth. And he probably does love her, just not in the same way or to the same extent he did you at the beginning. though she tells her friends that he is much happier with her than he ever was with me. This is even more of a red flag, she's clearly jealous and has doubts about his feelings, justified or not. If he had left you to go to her and was madly head over heels in love with her and her him they'd feel so guilty and bad about their mutual happiness that they wouldn't mention anything to anyone and would probably both go out of their way to be nice to you. I dont think it's a rebound, there is clearly something there between them, but every relationship is different, especially if it's a first love, some are better matches and with stronger loves, some less so. People stay with people that are not perfect or at least very good for them all the time (i never said they were wrong, just not amazing) they do it because they feel secure in the relationship and are afraid of losing what they have and not finding something better. These relationships always tend to blow up the second one or the other come across someone they prefer, or at least think they might.
ColdAlone Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 He might genuinely hate you, depending on what your former friend told him. But does it really matter?
OpheliaSong Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 It isn't hate. It is guilt for treating you like sludge. I wouldn't waste another moment thinking about this guy. He was less into it than you thought. Stinks but it is good you know.
Author audreysrose Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 (edited) I do not bother my ex in any way. I have made no attempts to get him back. I have had a hard time getting over it sure but I don't want to be with him because I can't trust him. I've been working on myself since the break up. Getting in better shape, being with my friends...I found out from a mutual friend that my ex commented to her that i was better off without him. And he's right. And if another guy comes along I'm not going to be holding the door open for my ex. I'm just trying to get some insight into why he acts this way. Edited October 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Simon Phoenix Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Wow are some people on here just plain mean or what? I am not seeking attention. I'm just asking a question my bad. I thought that was the point of this site. I just don't understand how a guy who chose to leave a girl can continue to go on hating her when she has nothing to deserve it. I don't like knowing that someone hates me whether it's my ex or anyone. I try to be a nice person to everyone so yeah it kinda bothers me to see someone glaring at me and acting all pissed just because I'm in the same room. I do not bother my ex in any way. I have made no attempts to get him back. I have had a hard time getting over it sure but I don't want to be with him because I can't trust him. I've been working on myself since the break up. Getting in better shape, being with my friends...I found out from a mutual friend that my ex commented to her that i was better off without him. And he's right. And if another guy comes along I'm not going to be holding the door open for my ex. I'm just trying to get some insight into why he acts this way. But why does it matter? That's the point that people are trying to get through to you. If you are concentrating on yourself, the fact that he acts like a dildo when he sees you shouldn't occupy your brain the way it does. Even if you did know his motivation, what does that do exactly? Nothing. Trying to figure out why people act the way they act is one of the biggest wastes of time there is. 1
flight E Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 (edited) I agree with Simon pheonix For the OP if your story is completely true. Then that guy still likes you. The opposite of hate isn't glaring and anger. It's indifference. However it's not of any importance what he thinks. You should get over this guy and move on. He is not right for u. If he can date you former friend so easily Edited October 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author audreysrose Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 I guess I can see what you're saying. It really doesn't make a difference. Whether I know why or not won't change his feelings. It's just a shame that things have to be this way between us. I was hoping we could somehow be at peace with each other but it doesn't look like it.
esteem-jam Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Somehow I think the same as "flight E". Then that guy still likes you. 1
Recommended Posts