I'm a terrible person

[Completelymiserable]

So, after a bad breakup that left me feeling totally used, I did something horrible.

 

The two of us were seeing each other for about 6 months. He always tries hard to be seen as a "good guy". As a matter if fact, it's really important to him.

 

Before we had sex for the first time I asked him if he was sleeping with anyone else. He promised he was not, and I asked if that changed then he let me know. He promised he would.

 

There were signs all along that he may not appear as he seemed, but I chose to ignore them. Long story short, I find out he had a girlfriend this entire time!!

 

I ended things immediately and never said anything to the girlfriend.

 

I was crushed. Devastated. Tried to move on for 4 long months. but he wouldn't let me. He tried to reach back out several times, the most recent time was 2 weeks ago. This time, I got angry.

 

Here's what I did, it's truly awful.

 

In my anger, I reached out to the girl and told her all about us. She asked that I call her, so I did. We talked on the phone, and I know she believed me. She was completely upset as she told me they were getting ready to have their one year anniversary. She had no idea he cheated for about 6 months total. She said that her friends tried to tell her something wasn't right, and in her gut she knew it, but she loved him.

 

A friend told me today that they are still together and trying to work through things, but I still cannot let go of this guilt. Should I apologize to her?

[Janni]

So, after a bad breakup that left me feeling totally used, I did something horrible.

 

The two of us were seeing each other for about 6 months. He always tries hard to be seen as a "good guy". As a matter if fact, it's really important to him.

 

Before we had sex for the first time I asked him if he was sleeping with anyone else. He promised he was not, and I asked if that changed then he let me know. He promised he would.

 

There were signs all along that he may not appear as he seemed, but I chose to ignore them. Long story short, I find out he had a girlfriend this entire time!!

 

I ended things immediately and never said anything to the girlfriend.

 

I was crushed. Devastated. Tried to move on for 4 long months. but he wouldn't let me. He tried to reach back out several times, the most recent time was 2 weeks ago. This time, I got angry.

 

Here's what I did, it's truly awful.

 

In my anger, I reached out to the girl and told her all about us. She asked that I call her, so I did. We talked on the phone, and I know she believed me. She was completely upset as she told me they were getting ready to have their one year anniversary. She had no idea he cheated for about 6 months total. She said that her friends tried to tell her something wasn't right, and in her gut she knew it, but she loved him.

 

A friend told me today that they are still together and trying to work through things, but I still cannot let go of this guilt. Should I apologize to her?

 

I understand why you might feel guilty, but don't!

If I had been his girlfriend I would have been very thankful to you. Actually I almost experiences this as the girlfriend.

 

My ex cheated on me and I saw the signs but he promised me nothing was happening. One day, his best friends girlfriend tells me, that my ex had brought a girl to the best friends birthday party. And that's how I found out. I am so thankful to her for telling me and I feel like she really cared for me, by letting me know.

 

So don't feel guilty. You did the right thing!

[mikejensen3355]

Nah, you're fine. He deserves it, he was cheating. But now that she knows, I'd completely cut out all contact moving forward. There's really no need anymore for you to know about or focus on his life.

[forgetmenot75]

No, just let things like they are. Why you didn't block him in 4 months?

Delete, delete, delete him from your life!

[geegee81]

He's a horrible person and a cheater. Stay far away from him.

[reddragon588]

I fail to see why you're a terrible person. Still waiting for that part. All I see is you doing the right thing and telling someone that they are being cheated on.

[Completelymiserable]

I feel guilty because I didn't do it to help her. I did it because I was mad at him. She was shocked. It came so out of the blue for her.

 

I blocked him on everything that I could. All social media. His phone number. I couldn't block his texts, and he would reach out to me on my work email also.

 

I actually don't want him to think I'm a crazy person. Not sure why I care, because although I really liked him and I miss him a lot, I don't want to be with him. He is a liar and a cheater. Cheating is something I cannot forgive. I would never be able to trust him. At least he hasn't used this as an excuse to reach out to me once again.

 

I half expected her to contact me again with more questions once she confronted him. I was going to use that as an Opportunity to apologize to her. If she doesn't, should I reach out on my own to apologize?

 

Does your answer to that change if she has chosen to stay with him, like I have heard that she has?

[mikejensen3355]

There's no need to apologize. Ultimately, you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't lie about any of it. You're a good person, you feel guilty because of your intentions. But would you rather this girl have been in the dark about him cheating on her? Intentions or not, it's a good thing you told her. You'd want to know in that situation I'm sure.

 

I think you've gotta start focusing on you now. His life doesn't matter anymore. Blocking him on everything you could was a great start. Start the healing process for yourself. If nothing else, if what you did got him to stop reaching out to you, it's even better!

[Sugarkane]

In terms of acting horrible, that doesn't come close! I'm confused as I had a dumper act completely psycho towards me and snooped on Facebook to find out. He is playing perfect boyfriend with someone else and was contacting me at the same time. If I hadn't of snooped I would've never known. No one I don't think suggested I tell his gf at all. I completely regret it. If a dumpee did this they'd be labelled a psycho.

 

Cheaters do what they do because they know they can get away with it.

[Completelymiserable]

Thanks Sugarkane.

 

Does anyone else have any advice on my last post in this thread?? I would appreciate it.

[Kate9292]

So, after a bad breakup that left me feeling totally used, I did something horrible.

 

The two of us were seeing each other for about 6 months. He always tries hard to be seen as a "good guy". As a matter if fact, it's really important to him.

 

Before we had sex for the first time I asked him if he was sleeping with anyone else. He promised he was not, and I asked if that changed then he let me know. He promised he would.

 

There were signs all along that he may not appear as he seemed, but I chose to ignore them. Long story short, I find out he had a girlfriend this entire time!!

 

I ended things immediately and never said anything to the girlfriend.

 

I was crushed. Devastated. Tried to move on for 4 long months. but he wouldn't let me. He tried to reach back out several times, the most recent time was 2 weeks ago. This time, I got angry.

 

Here's what I did, it's truly awful.

 

In my anger, I reached out to the girl and told her all about us. She asked that I call her, so I did. We talked on the phone, and I know she believed me. She was completely upset as she told me they were getting ready to have their one year anniversary. She had no idea he cheated for about 6 months total. She said that her friends tried to tell her something wasn't right, and in her gut she knew it, but she loved him.

 

A friend told me today that they are still together and trying to work through things, but I still cannot let go of this guilt. Should I apologize to her?

 

It was him who strung you along, you did the right thing.

 

He played both you and her. What a jerk.

 

I hope you move on quick and so will she.

[aybc123]

You have nothing to apologise to her for, you did the right thing, in this case he is the terrible person, similar to stories you hear of people having other families in different states etc, but i think you know that.

 

It's really really scary that there are people like your ex out there, who seem like great people, so much so that even their significant others dont pick up on it or at least not for a while, but are really just awful, and yeah they often seem like the nicest folk.

[Toddbt12y1]

This is not your fault. Rather the fault of a sick, lying dog of a man. You did the right thing. You ended it when you found out the truth. You admitted it to his GF, talked with her over it. She seemed receptive.

 

You did all in your power to properly resolve this:Rest easy. This is his fault..

 

You are a good person.

[Completelymiserable]

As some of you know I reached out to my exs current girlfriend to let her know that for half of Her relationship with him, he was cheating with me. I had no idea, and she had no idea. I only told her out of anger towards him, and I've felt really guilty.

 

I have now found out that she has chosen to stay with him. It has really set me back. I'm not sure why I feel this way. I really don't want to be with him. He not only cheated on both of us, but he also cheated twice on his wife. They have been separated for a year, but haven't yet filed for divorce. When we first started hanging out he told me the divorce was in process.

 

In a way, I understand why she's staying with him. He makes you feel like the most important thing in the world. He is very, very good at saying the right thing. He's patient when you are upset. He's good at working through things.

 

Can anyone try to help me make sense of how I'm feeling? This has really set back my recovery, because at one time I really did love him. A lot. I think that if he was with anyone else, I wouldn't care. But the fact that he dated us at the same time, and the fact that I told her about him and details about us, upsets me. By the way, I'm the one that walked away from him, and he's tried to reach back out at various times. I've ignored him.

 

Someone, please help calm me down...

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

When you spit into the wind, the wind will return the spit back onto you. It's karma. It was wrong for you to tell her, it's not your business. You did it out of maliciousness so now the repercussion is on you. That's the way the universe works.

 

Let it go, mind your own business and stop communicating with any of them. Consider it a lesson learned.

[Zahara]

You did it in hopes that she'll leave him, he'll then hurt and be as miserable as you are. Unfortunately, it backfired and he still gets to be happy while you're still in the hole. It upsets you and now sets you back.

 

Sometimes it's best to just shut the door. Creating drama out of hurt only makes it more difficult for you to move on.

Edited October 27, 2013 by Zahara

[Completelymiserable]

These responses kind of confuse me to be honest. Just the other day, the responses to my other thread "I'm a terrible person" were 100% that I wasn't.

 

I actually only told her because I was angry at him, because he wouldn't leave me alone even though he was still with her. I really thought she deserved to know he's a cheater and a liar. I would want to know. It seemed like she really had no idea.

 

I don't care if he's mad at me. I really don't want him back. I just can't believe she's staying with him, knowing what she now knows. I have no idea why this has sent me into a tailspin.

[loveofhorses1970]

When the "other woman" (even though you were duped into being one) tells the girlfriend or spouse, it quite often works out this way in which she stays with him. The exact same thing happened in my situation. She deserved to know, be glad you told her. Be even more glad that you walked away and dodged a bullet. You could have ended up more involved with him than you did and it would have hurt much worse when he finally cheated on you.

[Completelymiserable]

When the "other woman" (even though you were duped into being one) tells the girlfriend or spouse, it quite often works out this way in which she stays with him. The exact same thing happened in my situation. She deserved to know, be glad you told her. Be even more glad that you walked away and dodged a bullet. You could have ended up more involved with him than you did and it would have hurt much worse when he finally cheated on you.

 

Thanks loveofhorses. Did your ex and the other woman stay together? We're you the one that told her? Did you feel guilty after you did?

[Mariposa10]

These responses kind of confuse me to be honest. Just the other day, the responses to my other thread "I'm a terrible person" were 100% that I wasn't.

 

I actually only told her because I was angry at him, because he wouldn't leave me alone even though he was still with her. I really thought she deserved to know he's a cheater and a liar. I would want to know. It seemed like she really had no idea.

 

I don't care if he's mad at me. I really don't want him back. I just can't believe she's staying with him, knowing what she now knows. I have no idea why this has sent me into a tailspin.

 

I think you did the right thing. I would have wanted to know as well. If I had been the other girl I would've been super hurt, but deep inside a little thankful for telling me. What happens after you tell her that's none of your business...

 

Be happy you final will get rid of this manipulative piece of crap!!

[reddragon588]

I remember your thread and you did absolutely nothing wrong. He lied to you and he lied to her. She was apparently ok with that. I know it's tough, but take solace in the fact that he's her problem now, not yours. Just keep moving forward and stop looking for more information regarding him and her, because it will only bring you more pain like this.

[Completelymiserable]

Thanks Mariposa and Red dragon. I don't go looking for this type of info. Bee just have so many mutual friends, I hear things sometimes.

 

I realy cant figure out why I am so emotional about this.

[reddragon588]

Thanks Mariposa and Red dragon. I don't go looking for this type of info. Bee just have so many mutual friends, I hear things sometimes.

 

I realy cant figure out why I am so emotional about this.

 

You're always welcome to tell your friends you don't want to hear about him!

[Simon Phoenix]

It was the right thing to do, but your reasoning was wrong.

[Completelymiserable]

It was the right thing to do, but your reasoning was wrong.

 

Can you please explain what you mean by this?