In desperate need of some clarity!

[Frayedendofsanity]

Hi all,

This post will be a longish one, as i have quite a bit of background, and I don't want anyone to have any wrong judgements.

 

Ok, so I met my ex on FB 5 or so years ago. We went out one night and hit it off pretty much straight away. Had similar interests, and just really got along. Had no problems Neil a couple of years ago, when I started noticing that she was taking things other people and I said out of context and being really paranoid. This caused arguments all the time about who said what and what they really meant. I was always trying to explain to her that I would never say some of the things she assumed.

 

We ended up moving out together and were ok for about 12 months until I got in some trouble with the law. Around the same time, her brother in law told her he had seen me with another woman driving. Absolute lie! That day when I got home, I was told to pack all my belongings and leave. I stayed. That night, after all the stress of the day, all I wanted to do was sleep. She lay next to me and said that if I didn't want to sleep with her, to get out. So I grabbed my pillow and went on the lounge. She came into the lounge and told me that if I didn't want to be there anymore, leave. So I did!

After a while she contacted me and asked me to go over and visit (she was in her house alone), so I did and we started to get close again. Then she decided that she didn't want me or a relationship with me again and told me to never contact her again.

9 months later I get a phone call from a number I didn't recognise....it's her! She's decided that she misses me and wants to give the relationship another chance. I still had feelings for her so I thought I would act on them. She had since moved out of her house and back with her parents.

Problem with getting back together was, my family had lost all respect for her, with the way she ended things last time and how she accused them of saying things about her.

We were seeing each other in secret for a while and just hanging out in the car or going out to dinner, movies. But she wasn't allowed to come to my parents house. He parents welcomed me back and I occasionally went to visit.

Things were good for a bit and she started asking when we were going to get married and what plans we were going to make. My problem was that i had incurred a $60k debt from my legal trouble and wasn't really in any position to get married yet. But I explained to her that it would happen!

About 6 months ago she was really pressuring me to find a rental property that we could move into. I looked for about a month but didn't really see anything great. I was offered a house and land package that I liked and told her that this would be a better idea and a better investment moving forward. She wasn't happy with the idea of waiting anymore, but persisted.

She started getting angry about us not going out to dinner or breakfast, and me not going to the gym with her. One night, the night before inwasngoing to take her to dinner, she decided to end our relationship. Told me "you shoulda put a ring on it"! I was devastated and tried to sort it out but she wouldn't budge.

This was about 2 months ago.

So in the last two months, she had told me to leave her alone, which I did. She then called me one night while I was out with a friend, and when I asked her why she called, she said that I was the only one who understood her?! The she didn't want to talk to me again. She had planned a trip away for 10 days on her own, to clear her head. The day before she left, she rang me at work and asked me what I wanted for lunch. She brought me lunch to work and we had about 20mins of a pretty good chat. Just everyday things, nothing to do with our past. I went to see her after work to wish her a safe trip, and she was all hugs and really nice. She started crying a couple of time which I later found out was the result of her thinking that's she would never see me again.

She came back last week, and I didn't hear from her, so I called to see how everything was on her trip and just things in general. She didn't sound like she wanted to talk to me and I asked her what was wrong? She said that the decision she made about ending our relationship was final and that there was no point in keeping in contact anymore. I haven't heard from her in 4 days and I've tried to ring her with no success!

 

Now, based on all of the above, I need some experts to help me out with a couple of things!

I still love her like I always have. That has not changed and I'm not sure it ever will. I want to get her back eventually, but have no idea how to do it if she's not speaking to me. I sometimes think that she acts irrationally, and I understand and try to ignore it. She is on medication and sees a doctor monthly to treat psychosis that she developed years ago. She told me the other night that she would get back together but that I should know that she will be unhappy about it.

I guess I'm just confused about some of the hurtful things she says and the way she acts, especially the last couple of days. Is her past illness contributing to the way she's acting or is she just really over the relationship, and hates my guts?!

A friend of mine said that once she goes out with a few other men, she will realise that no one will put up with her and that she'll be back! I'm not sure i want her back after that, but I would welcome the opportunity to get back on track. Am I kidding myself here?.

[Frayedendofsanity]

and there's more..... tonight i rang my ex to go past and pick a couple of things up. She said she wouldn't see me face to face. I told her i wasn't coming around to speak about us or our relationship. She said" well if you're not calling to get me back, what do you want?" I said i wanted to get a couple of things of mine. She said she didn't want me to call, text or email her, then she hung up in my ear

 

I sent her this text:

"Don't think i'll ever hear from you again so i asked those angels (i gave her angel cards while we were together) to look over you and keep you safe. as bad as i think you've treated me lately, i still care the world for you. I'll respect your wishes only because i respect you, and wish things will one day be different. I think we both need time away from each other to get over our relationship fully, for the future......who know? If it was meant to be, we'll find each other, if not, i wish only good things for you and your family. Amen X"

 

I was trying to leave a somewhat nice image of myself instead of leaving angry and leaving her with a bad memory. She's still pretty hostile so i reckon leave her alone, if she comes back one day good, if not, also good! I also told her that i didn't want her back like this, i wanted the woman i met 5 years ago!

[todreaminblue]

No wonder you are frayed sanity you have been through the wringer, she obviously doesnt know what she really wants or what she had ...you dont kick people out take them back kick them out take them back ...see a pattern..... i dont know both sides so i can't really give you clarity......except to say she isnt ready for any type of relationship......she sound sounds a bit seflish actually......and it seems like you have tried really hard.......the last thing you did after all she put you through is probably one of the sweetest things that i have read a guy say he has sent a woman when the relationship ended...... very seflless......and extremely heart warming to read...renews my faith once more in the male species on love shack...lol

 

 

 

 

find a really nice girl who loves you as much as you love her......you honestly deserve that....if you are lying however you really suck because you made me go awww at the end ......smilin......you are obviously are a sweet guy who has had a few issues to contend with.....move on from her...heal and find the right girl for you......where you will be happy and trusted...if you are in a really good relationship it doesnt constantly end.......by you being kicked out over and over again.....its playing games...that aint a relationship..you deserve better.....good luck.....deb