out of no where

[lovelylilly]

So, I met this really great guy. I know there’s a ton of great guys out there, but he bought me flowers on almost every date, held the CAR door open for me, called me and texted me every minute of every day, made me his first priority, I never had to play games with him, etc… Within the first three weeks of dating he invited me to an out of state wedding and I went with him (probably shouldn't have done that after only knowing him three weeks). After that we were inseparable, his friends adored me and I swear my friends liked him better than I did. We met each other’s families within the first month of officially becoming exclusive. He was studying for the bar (law exam) and after dating about a month and half he started studying really hard for the bar and we went two weeks with only text messaging. It was hard, but I never complained because I knew he needed space to study.

 

 

After he finished the bar, he took two weeks off work to relax and things went back to normal. We would see each other two to three times a week (we live about forty minutes away from each other). I am a college professor (age 25-he's 27) and I teach three morning classes and a night class, during my night class he would sometimes come and surprise me with a snack and some flowers. Well, after his two weeks off he started his job as a hospital administrator in the legal department. It was hard because of his long hours and we stopped texting as much because he was always busy, but on the plus side we would spend about an hour on the phone every day and we would still see each other three days a week.

 

 

Well, the week before we broke up he got his bar results. I never found out if he passed or not, but my friends and I don’t think he did. He went off the grid that day, I messaged him at 11pm to tell him I was going to bed and I woke up at 2am because I was worried and found he had never responded. I called him and he answered, he told me he was in a bad mood but we could still talk if I wanted. He said it had nothing to do with me and that it was work related, so the first thing that came to my mind was that he didn't pass the bar. I didn't say anything because I figured when he wanted to talk about it with me he would.

 

 

Well, long story short, a week after this we broke up. He basically said that his job takes up a lot of his time and he feels like I deserve someone who can spend more time with me. Now I am not lying when I say this, but I never once badgered him about not seeing each other. Two weeks before I even suggested that we just see each other on Saturdays because I could tell he was getting pressure from his job, he said he didn't want to do this because it was a little sad. I don’t think he wanted to break up with me, because when he did it he was crying and he kept giving me all these excuses. He said he I deserved someone better, that he loved me but didn't feel the spark, he could see us being best friends, that I was everything he was looking for, etc….(He did it over the phone, but I asked him to come over so we could talk about it, so he drove forty minutes to come see me).

 

 

I’m so confused and trying to make sense of everything. Three days before we broke up we were hanging out with my best friend and she texted me saying she could tell how much he loved me because he couldn't take his eyes off me. When he and I were together he would always hold my hand or have his arm around me--we always kept physical contact, and we always had our foreheads together when we were sitting alone.

 

 

He had a lot going on in his life, and I feel like this was just bad timing. His mom was going through some issues with his granddad, he just graduated from law school and getting his master’s in hospital administration, he just took the bar and started a new full time job. I just don’t think it’s fair that things were going so well, no fighting and lots of physical attraction. We never ran out of things to talk about and he always initiated hand holding or putting his arm around my waist, even up until the day before we broke up.

 

 

We broke up the Sunday before last and I have not heard from him or tried to contact him since (it’s been 8 days). I’m so sad because he was such a great guy and there was something there, he’s not my first boyfriend, but he was the first I've been able to be myself around from day 1. I felt so confident with him and we had a strong bond without even having sex. I don’t know how to explain it, but I've never felt that way about anyone and this break up was the hardest I've even had. I dated a guy for five years and he left me for another woman and this hurts way more than that.

 

I guess I’m not sure what kind of question I’m posting on here. He and I only dated about four months. I feel like it’s not enough to rekindle anything. I just miss him, even if we don’t date I really want to stay friends with him because he was such a great guy and we had so much in common. I’m not contacting him now because I know he needs space to wrap his head around whatever it was that bothered him, but I’m afraid of losing him. I’m perfectly fine with being single, I know life goes on and I’m 25 and I have plenty of time. I just want to know if he will get in contact with me, or do I need to be the one to initiate contact? He’s a great guy, so I think he might not be contacting me because he knows how much he hurt me. And I’m still trying to figure out what went wrong to begin with. One thing I didn't mention is that his parents are Taiwanese but he was born here in America. So I think a cultural thing had something to do with it too. I'm not the first white girl he's dated, he was actually engaged to a white girl last year but she left him for another guy.

 

Any comments would be greatly appreciated, and if anyone has any advice or have gone through/know someone who has gone through something similar I would love to hear from you. And I think I know the answer, but is there anyone out there who thinks we still have a chance of getting back together? Best wishes to all!!

xox

[Viro12]

Here's my speculations, and I could be wrong.

 

So, I met this really great guy. I know there’s a ton of great guys out there, but he bought me flowers on almost every date, held the CAR door open for me, called me and texted me every minute of every day, made me his first priority, I never had to play games with him, etc… Within the first three weeks of dating he invited me to an out of state wedding and I went with him (probably shouldn't have done that after only knowing him three weeks). After that we were inseparable, his friends adored me and I swear my friends liked him better than I did. We met each other’s families within the first month of officially becoming exclusive. He was studying for the bar (law exam) and after dating about a month and half he started studying really hard for the bar and we went two weeks with only text messaging. It was hard, but I never complained because I knew he needed space to study.

 

 

You need to think about this more carefully. You like the things he's doing for you. This doesn't reflect how well you love his personalities as a person.

 

I felt so confident with him and we had a strong bond without even having sex.

 

This is the only part out of this whole paragraph where you described a deep connection with you two. Which is good, shows that you like him.

 

I'm not the first white girl he's dated, he was actually engaged to a white girl last year but she left him for another guy.

 

It's possible that he's still hasn't walked on from his life about his fiancee who left him. This would explain the crying, and the social pressures affecting your time with him. If he realized that who he wanted was actually he's ex, then it would explain why he said he doesn't share a spark with you. In that case he's doing you a favor, because it would be unfair for you.

 

One thing I didn't mention is that his parents are Taiwanese but he was born here in America.

 

If he's raised here he shouldn't have cultural issues.

 

 

Personally, I feel that the message he's giving is that he's under pressure right now. All these things in his life and what happened to him last year, he feels that he wouldn't be able to give you a relationship he wants. I'm pretty sure he likes you, but he made a decision. If you really want to show him how much you're into him do something for him. If he rejects it then you need to respect his space immediately. There's also a possibility that after he sorts his stuff out he'll come back to you so keep in contact.

 

As for you, it seems like you're missing the possibilities of of what it could be. Best things in life are the ones we can't get. You should take note of it and re-evaluate your feelings for him. Then make the decision to pursue. If you do pursue, then make sure you do it slowly because it's obvious he needs space right now.

[PR08]

made me his first priority

 

Loser. You can do better.

He might as well be a puppy.

[lovelylilly]

Viro12 --thanks so much for your response. I only listed the things he did to give a back ground on what a great guy he was. I loved his personality-he was always in a good mood and every time we hung out or did something we were always laughing at something and having a good time.

 

I'm really struggling with why I miss him, maybe it's too early, but I am having a constant fight in my head with moving on or convincing myself that he was the one. I enjoyed being around him and I know it's cliche, but I've never felt that strong of a connection with someone. I just felt happy. I've dated plenty of guys in the past and I've never felt that way with someone before. I think that's why I'm so confused.

 

I guess I just need to give it more time to get my head straight and figure out what I want. I'm perfectly fine now to be honest, I have no problem being single and I've continued with my regular routine (going to the gym, hanging out with friends, riding my horse).

 

I just wish I had a magic mirror or something so I can look into the future, it would help me out with when/if I should contact him. I want to stay friends, but I can't go through that hurt again .

[Sparkle304]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you

 

I've heard that the shorter relationships are sometimes harder to get over because there's still the intensity and excitement and hope of finally finding 'the one'.

 

I would give him some space. Don't contact him...yet. I'm positive he's missing you, but right now he's very confused, overwhelmed and emotionally unavailable.

 

He should be the one to contact you as he made the decision to break it off, however, if you do decide to contact him be strong. It is important that you LISTEN to what he is telling you, not hear what you want to be true.

[lovelylilly]

So, no contact was broken. He asked how I was doing and I said good, asked him how he was doing and he said fine...blah blah blah. I then mustered up the courage to ask him if we could be friends or if it was too soon, and he responded with "friends will be good, but let's take it slowly".

 

How do I take it slowly? I didn't respond to the text (it was two nights ago). I figured I'll touch base with him once a week to remind him I'm still here, but I don't know how to take things slow to become friends?

 

*I'm still so confused*

[swimswithjeans]

I really - unfortunately - have little to no insight to offer on your situation. I am going through something similar right now. What I will say, however, is that I think you should be REMARKABLY proud of yourself for how you are handling things. Going to the gym, hanging out with your friends, et cetera. Good for you for literally moving on. I truly admire you for that and think you should feel really proud of yourself.

 

As for your guy, I would say just to follow your instincts. Don't compromise your wants/needs because of how you think he would want things to be.

 

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