Can anyone explain this?? Heartbroken mom.....

[Mrs Brown]

Daughter dates Mr. Nice Guy for a year. Good career, great guy, but part of the relationship was long distance due to schooling on his part. Then, bam, dumps him and doesn't shed a tear. Is almost vicious afterwards, so cool it was kind of scary in fact.

 

I discover later that she was talking to a fellow who I feel she fell in lust with. It can only be lust because this fellow doesn't hold a candle to Mr. Nice Guy! Mr. Lust is more her physical type though. Says she didn't dump Mr. Nice Guy due to Mr. Lust but I don't believe her.

 

Mr. Nice Guy doesn't give up. Keeps in contact with her, to the point of irritation. Why? He believes in their love - as do I.

 

Daughter says the relationship with Mr. Lust is nothing serious, they are just hanging out and she wouldn't be with Mr. Nice Guy even if she wasn't with Mr. Lust.

 

The break-up happened several months ago. Now that Mr. Nice Guy is back in the area she has gone to dinner with him, and several other outings. She claims she enjoyed the "dates" which she claims she went on as "friends". She is still keeping him at arms length, but they talk and go out when he can convince her. She primps for these dates and seems more mellow towards him.

 

I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure out her motives here. My mothers instinct tells me Mr. Nice Guy is the one for her - that's why this hurts SO much. What is she trying to do here?? Why bother going out with Mr. Nice Guy at all? Guilt? Pity? Does she still have feelings for him??

 

I'm hoping someone on this site can enlighten me. I know I'm asking an impossible question, but I'm desperate for an outside opinion.

 

I really want to see these two together again They were so perfect together.

[Misfortune]

It's her choice and her life at the end of the day. She has to deal with the consequences of her actions. I'm sure a lot of parents feel/have felt like you; watching their kids use nice suitors while they're enjoying their bad girls/guys. I've noticed that if the family loves the spouse, most people dump that person.

 

It happens all the time. A lot of people watch helplessly as their spouse/child/cousin/grands give up seemingly good things for "greener pastures"/"soulmates".

 

How were you when you were around your daughters age?

[Sparkle304]

Clearly the daughter is just not that excited by Mr. Nice Guy. It doesn't matter the reason - maybe she wants to experience different types of men, perhaps he bores her, and quite possibly she doesn't have a single reason for breaking up with him.

 

She likely primps for her outings with him because no one wants their ex to see them looking bad!

 

However, it is very important that Mr. Nice Guy stop all contact with her - for both their benefits.

[2sure]

I told some friends I really liked my daughters boyfriend. They told me that I had basically given the relationship the kiss of death.

[Viro12]

People make mistakes, it's what make us grow. Mr Lust has her attention right now, and she will pursue it and you can't do anything about it. She will need to be heart broken by Mr Lust or figure that he really isn't the one for her on her own.

 

 

Your daughter possibly is just stringing Mr Niceguy along because she enjoys the attention from him.

 

Showing your support for Mr Niceguy is basically the kiss of death of of the relationship. "Who wants what mom wants?"

[Mrs Brown]

It's her choice and her life at the end of the day. She has to deal with the consequences of her actions. I'm sure a lot of parents feel/have felt like you; watching their kids use nice suitors while they're enjoying their bad girls/guys. I've noticed that if the family loves the spouse, most people dump that person.

 

It happens all the time. A lot of people watch helplessly as their spouse/child/cousin/grands give up seemingly good things for "greener pastures"/"soulmates".

 

How were you when you were around your daughters age?

 

Married!! Lol.

 

Thanks for the advice. I'm seeing all the replies here echo pretty much what i know Just didnt want to hear.

[Mrs Brown]

I told some friends I really liked my daughters boyfriend. They told me that I had basically given the relationship the kiss of death.

 

Was afraid of that. We all love him to pieces. You can't very well hide that either. He's friends with my son and around our house still. It makes it even harder.

 

This isn't getting any easier and i k ow when he gives up and moves on I will be equally crushed. Woe is me, right? Lol.

 

Thank you for replying.

[Mrs Brown]

People make mistakes, it's what make us grow. Mr Lust has her attention right now, and she will pursue it and you can't do anything about it. She will need to be heart broken by Mr Lust or figure that he really isn't the one for her on her own.

 

 

Your daughter possibly is just stringing Mr Niceguy along because she enjoys the attention from him.

 

Showing your support for Mr Niceguy is basically the kiss of death of of the relationship. "Who wants what mom wants?"

 

Wow...you guys are right on and i thank you even though it hurts.

[Mrs Brown]

Clearly the daughter is just not that excited by Mr. Nice Guy. It doesn't matter the reason - maybe she wants to experience different types of men, perhaps he bores her, and quite possibly she doesn't have a single reason for breaking up with him.

 

She likely primps for her outings with him because no one wants their ex to see them looking bad!

 

However, it is very important that Mr. Nice Guy stop all contact with her - for both their benefits.

 

You are right. She isn't excited by mr nice guy. She has claimed that all along - no passion but i didnt think it would result in a break up.

 

As for mr nice guy practicing no contact - i know it would be best but that just not in his personality. He's a pursuer who doesn't like to loose and a bit clingy.

 

Thanks so much.

[Mrs Brown]

Ah so you'all dont think a something is going to magically click with her and she'll realize she did love mr right?? Lol.

 

That is what I wanted to hear

 

Any thoughts on how to deal with her? I've been cold shouldering her a bit to emphasize my disapproval of her choices. Wrong? I've deliberately kept my nose out of both situations lately afraid of influencing her. I cant even describe my visceral dislike of mr lust who i only met once!

 

Also any idea why she keeps downplaying the relationship with mr lust?? I can clearly see there is more to it than she is letting on. But she doesn't defend him to me either. Nor does she attempt to bring him around anymore.

 

The relationship with mr nice guy had been my happy place because her prior relationship was a real doozy too. I feel so cheated!

 

Thanks for the thoughtful replies.

[Misfortune]

You have swallow your pride/dislike and treat mr. Lust like the best thing since anything. Treat him the same as mr. Nice guy and see how long he stays around.

 

You dislike him so she'll probably keep going as long as possible to get under your skin/prove you wrong.

Edited September 13, 2013 by Misfortune

[Mrs Brown]

You have swallow your pride/dislike and treat mr. Lust like the best thing since anything. Treat him the same as mr. Nice guy and see how long he stays around.

 

That is a hard pill to swallow. Not sure I can do that.

 

Guess I've really botched things up. Should have discouraged Mr. Nice Guy and swanned all over Mr. Lust, huh? Too funny although you are right, probably would work!

 

You know, come to think of it, Mr. Nice Guy came to us with a bit of a reputation (ill-received) and was forbidden territory for awhile! So there you go - your theory is proven! Now to put it into action.......

[Mrs Brown]

You have swallow your pride/dislike and treat mr. Lust like the best thing since anything. Treat him the same as mr. Nice guy and see how long he stays around.

 

You dislike him so she'll probably keep going as long as possible to get under your skin/prove you wrong.

 

Great, just great.......

[Misfortune]

That is a hard pill to swallow. Not sure I can do that.

 

Guess I've really botched things up. Should have discouraged Mr. Nice Guy and swanned all over Mr. Lust, huh? Too funny although you are right, probably would work!

 

You know, come to think of it, Mr. Nice Guy came to us with a bit of a reputation (ill-received) and was forbidden territory for awhile! So there you go - your theory is proven! Now to put it into action.......

 

Mr. Lust could very well be her true love and you'll be stuck with your fav Son in Law who now adores you because you were so welcoming.<---Another outcome. 2 sides to that coin.

[Viro12]

Ah so you'all dont think a something is going to magically click with her and she'll realize she did love mr right?? Lol.

 

That is what I wanted to hear

 

Any thoughts on how to deal with her? I've been cold shouldering her a bit to emphasize my disapproval of her choices. Wrong? I've deliberately kept my nose out of both situations lately afraid of influencing her. I cant even describe my visceral dislike of mr lust who i only met once!

 

Also any idea why she keeps downplaying the relationship with mr lust?? I can clearly see there is more to it than she is letting on. But she doesn't defend him to me either. Nor does she attempt to bring him around anymore.

 

The relationship with mr nice guy had been my happy place because her prior relationship was a real doozy too. I feel so cheated!

 

Thanks for the thoughtful replies.

 

You are a very awesome, not to mention a very cute mom. Your biggest flaw is also being a mom.

 

Remember, best things in life (especially when we're young) is what you can't have.

 

Right now in your daughter's life, she focused on differences, not similarities. It's what happens when you first go out and meet opposite sex. It will take time before she realize have similarities is what's important.

 

Lastly, you know a way to make Mr Niceguy 100x better? Having him concentrating on something (art, sport what not) that your daughter appreciates. Nothing beats a man working for his passion.

 

If u really want to be manipulative, inspire Mr Lust to an act of rudeness. Make him a little too comfortable around the house, and maybe he'll start treating you without the politeness required. If your daughter experience that her boyfriend is rude to her mom, she'll kick him to the curb.

 

Last bit is a bit extreme, and if u mess up you'll be hated by your daughter. I personally suggest that you let your daughter figure out what's best for herself. It's the natural way to do things .

 

Good Luck Mrs. Brown.