Does he really want to be friends? WHAT DOES HE REALLY WANT?

[simplisticlycomplex]

So there was this guy I had a "thing" with for my entire first year of college... 9 months basically... long story short... we started getting more serious towards the last few months of the school year and started dating towards the end... then at the beginning of the summer he tells me that he does not think he can stay committed anymore because he also has some lingering feelings for a few other girls... including one of my so-called "best friends"!!! He said he felt like I should know instead of him trying to hide it and said he didn't know what he wanted at the moment and asked if we could just be friends and continue talking for the time being. I immediately told him that I didn't want to talk and I didn't know when and if I could ever be friends.

 

We go into immediate no contact and less than 3 weeks in he texts me out of the blue... I respond to see what he wants and when I see he is just trying to make conversation I immediately cut the conversation and stop responding. A few more weeks go by and then he texts me again trying to make conversation and asking how I'm doing... again after a few texts I cut the conversation and don't respond to him. Then a few weeks later (basically a few days ago from today) he finds out that I was in the ER and texts me asking if everything is okay. After explaining to him what had happened and that it just a minor surgery he says "I thought it was serious, I was going to come down to see you." I didn't know how to respond so I just changed the subject telling him that I was his area a few days ago and he responds complaining about how I didn't tell him I was so nearby him and that we could have gotten together because he probably didn't have much to do...

 

What does he want??? I'm so confused especially since he was the one who ended things with me. Is he genuine about being friends? I know that he still talks to my ex best friend that he also had feelings for.

[Sneaky]

I'm sorry but he hasn't given any inclination to wanting to be more than friends from what you told. You should ignore him next time he contacts you and stick to NC.

[Leigh 87]

He finds it easy to be friends with you, while he hooks up with and dates other girls.

 

He doesn't understand that you have feelings for him and therefore you find it difficult to be his friend when you know he's dating women that he likes enough to be with.

 

I get you. My ex wants to be friends. It's just really unsavoury to know that they don't want to be with you, yet there ARE girls they have enough feelings for them to date.

 

Tell him once: I don't want to be friends or talk to you, because you don't want to be with me and it would upset me to be you friend when you're dating other girls.

 

Then never talk to him again.

[reddragon588]

Being friends doesn't work. It means he wants you there as emotional support that he can't get from random hookups, he wants you as a backup in case he strikes out with the other girls one night, he wants you to be there in case he realizes that being single isn't as much fun as he thought.

 

It also means he's not completely over you. And that he's confused about who he is and what he wants. Going NC will allow you to move on and let him figure out whatever he's confused about. Either he will realize that he misses you or you will move on and not care about what he feels anymore anyway.