Chris715 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 This will probably be long but I'm going to do a recap of my very long story so everyone can see what a ****ing idiot I've been. My ex broke up with me in November when she says she didn't "know what she wanted" and "thought of me as a friend". She was depressed, suicidal, etc. through our relationship and I was definitely what people on here call a "fixer". Tried to help her with all the problems and our relationship kinda became defined by that I guess. We break up, still remain close because she needed someone there for you, stay in kind of a psuedo-relationship until January. She goes away for school again at that time, becomes increasingly distant to me as her problems with depression and suicide get better. As a result I become depressed and suicidal considering I made her my everything for a year, unable to move on. I keep pressuring her for contact, wondering why she doesn't seem to give a **** about me anymore. We fight a lot, her saying she wants space and me never giving it to her. Going into May she comes back for the summer. We had continually fought through March and April but I'm trying to patch things up at that point, stupidly thinking I can mend things over the summer. I find out she's interested in seeing someone else in town I know, a guy I worked with and knew fairly well and my heart was ****ing shattered. We get in another huge fight, she admits that she basically ****ing used me in a relationship as comfort for her problems and cast me aside when she didn't need me. At that point I go full NC, taking the advice of people on this board. I assume I'm never going to talk to her again, considering hearing anything about her when she was dating this other guy hurt like hell. Fast forward into mid June, I'm feeling a bit better, not entirely over her. I find out she's going to be working where I work for the summer, which was ****ing great. At that point I decide I basically need to break NC and talk to her about it so things can be as least awkward as possible. We agree to be on talking terms for work, I tell her it's good to have her back, etc. Give it a week or two in, we're getting along pretty well. We talk more and more in and outside of work which I knew was a dangerous game all along in the back of my head. I learn she no longer is seeing or even talking to the other guy and I'm ecstatic at that point, thinking I have a chance to mend things despite all the **** she put me through in our incredibly unhealthy relationship. I talk to her more, invite her to a couple parties I was going to. Finally she decides to come to one, we hang out the evening with the rest of my friends and I thought had a pretty good time. Fast forward a couple of days to today and I text her about something I was missing, wondering if she had it. She basically gets pissed at me for no ****ing reason, telling me I haven't given her space since she started working again, I made her feel uncomfortable talking to her at work all the time (I was trying to be ****ing friendly yeah, but I'll admit also trying to get her attention more, big mistake), and I made her feel uncomfortable at the party. Tells me she doesn't want to become close again or even really be friends for that matter. That was earlier today, and now I find this entire tirade that started in November basically coming to an end. I feel incredibly hurt, depressed, angry, and tired of it all. Have no idea what to do for the rest of the day except sit around an think of all of my stupid ****ing mistakes. I have no idea how to move one, honestly it feels like my capacity for a relationship, to care about anyone, to love anyone, is in pieces and I feel ****ed. What should I do? What can I do? I'm working the rest of the summer with her and it's probably going to be hell for me.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Look for a new job. If not possible, go NC except at work and at work, just talk about work only. Stop trying to meddle and fix things. 2
Author Chris715 Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 Look for a new job. If not possible, go NC except at work and at work, just talk about work only. Stop trying to meddle and fix things. I know it's done so believe me, I'm done trying to meddle and fix things. In some ways it's kind of a relief. First time in nearly 9 months I've felt like I'm not stressing over trying to get a relationship with her again because she pretty much flat out told me today it's pointless. Trying to deal with all the fallout of this now, the pain and depression, that's all.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I know it's done so believe me, I'm done trying to meddle and fix things. In some ways it's kind of a relief. First time in nearly 9 months I've felt like I'm not stressing over trying to get a relationship with her again because she pretty much flat out told me today it's pointless. Trying to deal with all the fallout of this now, the pain and depression, that's all. Well, then keep your distance permanently. Really no other way. Distance and time.
Author Chris715 Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 Well, then keep your distance permanently. Really no other way. Distance and time. Any advice on dating when you still have feelings for someone else? (which I still do love her and probably will for some time) I have a female friend who wants to set me up with one of her friends. Thinks we'll get along great and wants us to meet soon and possibly start dating. Good idea or bad right after the emotional fallout with my ex? This was my first break up so I have zero experience dealing with this kind of stuff. At this point I'm feeling like it might be a rebound kind of situation for me but I don't know... Maybe it will help me heal faster.
Paddes16 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 It's unfair to go into a new relationship with bad feelings from a past "relationship", or whatever you want to call this. Not unfair for your ex, nor you, but for the new partner. Because she'll have to deal with your problems. I suggest you sort your problems out, going full NC again. It'll be hard at work, but I'm sure you can do it. Then, if she's still willing to do so, contact your friend's friend, maybe then you'll be ready for a new chapter in your life. Stay strong. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Any advice on dating when you still have feelings for someone else? (which I still do love her and probably will for some time) I have a female friend who wants to set me up with one of her friends. Thinks we'll get along great and wants us to meet soon and possibly start dating. Good idea or bad right after the emotional fallout with my ex? This was my first break up so I have zero experience dealing with this kind of stuff. At this point I'm feeling like it might be a rebound kind of situation for me but I don't know... Maybe it will help me heal faster. I'd pump the brakes on that. Allow yourself time to grieve. A lot of times dating just reinforces the feelings you had for your ex. I'd slow your roll on that for now.
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