Winterkiss Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 I was dating this guy who I met online for four months, and last week he messaged me and told me I would be spending the fourth with him. When I explained I had plans (I hadn't seen my family in a long time), he pressured me into canceling them and said I was supposed to meet his brother and his brother's girlfriend on that day. I canceled my plans, because it seemed very important to him, and we spent the fourth together and had a GREAT time (his brother & the gf couldn't make it because they had an accident). At night, however, he asked me to come home with him and I said I wasn't really feeling it because it was really late, and he got very angry at me. He said that I was "teasing him" because I looked so hot but wasn't coming over. I agreed to see him the next day, and he said he would be cooking for me. Later that next day, though, he calls me and says he's invited his brother and his brother's girlfriend over so they can meet me. We spent a few hours together before they got there (no sex). I told him some jokes that were not entirely PC - but he told me to go ahead and say that in front of his brother because he'd "love me" and that usually he'd have to prep a girl, but I can just be myself and say whatever came to my mind and not to hold back. So, after they got there for dinner, the guy I was seeing went into the kitchen to start cooking and left me alone with these two people to be interrogated by them. When things got awkward, as they often do, I made some of those stupid jokes. After dinner, I helped the guy clean up and we stayed for a while just talking, but then I left, because again, it was getting late. I explained this and he wouldn't take that as an answer, and said we were supposed to have sex. I texted him to thank him for dinner later on and then I didn't hear from him at all on Saturday. On Sunday, I apologize for the lack of action, and tell him that I won't be doing that as often, but that it had gotten late both days and I had family visiting. He asked me what made me changed my mind and we had a good conversation about it, then I didn't hear from him later. On Sunday, this guy texts me and asks me to call him when I have time at around dinner time. So, I do, and he says: "yeah, so my brother hates you", and says he has another call and hangs up. He then calls me back a few minutes later and says "yeah, so my brother hates you and so does his girlfriend and we shouldn't see each other if the people closest to me can't stand you", and hung up. Less than one minute, so I texted and let him know not to do that over the phone, and then he messaged me on gchat and told me that they said I was raised by wolves, I had no social skills, that I didn't come anywhere near his family's standards (I am a college graduate from a top liberal arts college, a former teacher, and current government worker - legislation. The guy I was dating was my age and still in college with no stable job...), and asked him what the hell he was thinking. They complained specifically about the jokes he told me to say to them, as well. I understand that he set me up for this, and I blocked him on every venue (phone, text, chat, etc). After I blocked him on gchat, he texted me and said "hey, my google chat says you're offline?", and I asked him to give me space and blocked him there, too. While I was there, these people made fun of my Catholic religion, called me ignorant because I didn't know the name of a Latin dance and I was Latin, called something ghetto, and looked at me, as though insinuating that's what I was, as well, kept their backs to me and only spoke to each other almost the entire night. I am not a person that has sex very easily, and I only do that with people that have potential, as I was raised in a very religious household. I am a little taken aback that I didn't realize how chauvinistic and racist this guy and his family were, and I really thought I deserved more than a 30 second telephone break-up. I am not ready to talk to this guy, not for a long while, but is it ever okay to reach out and tell him that everyone is worth more than this and that he was kind of a d***? Or do I just let it be and let him figure this out for himself? I got basically no word in during the breakup, I just got rid of him everywhere. He told me he will be there to talk if I ever wanted to, but I don't want to ever talk to this guy... I just want to know if a while down the line it will be okay for me to reach out and tell him something? By letting it be and just letting it go, I feel like I gave him all of the power, but by reaching out, I feel like I'm giving him the power too, so it's kind of confusing, lol. The awful thing is that I have begun to internalize and actually believe everything that this guy and his family have said about me. I know that I don't give any of that off, but I can't help but ask myself "what if?" (I deal with people on a daily basis as part of my job and was also a high school teacher with great reviews, so it can't be true). I should just never reach out, right, and never tell him that their actions and their words affected me like this? Karma exists, after all.. FYI: *We were sexually active, we just did not have sex last week because I wasn't in the mood. A few weeks ago, I was on my period, and he knew when I was on my period, I don't have sex, but he whipped it out anyway and asked me to give him a BJ. I did it for like 30 seconds and asked him to put it away and he got angry. I think this is when I realized it was mostly for the sex. Sorry for the long question... and thanks for reading!
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Well, that just wasted eight minutes of my time... And here's the thing: you're worse off than I am because you're allowing this waste of time, space and oxygen to invade your thoughts. The best way to get over this piece of crap is just to never think of him at all. That's the very best he deserves from you. To be a complete inconsequence, because frankly, on that record? He lives under a rock and has a long scientific name which just translates as "something you've just scraped off your shoe". Forget him. Truly? he is so completely not worth it. Only, less so.
AllTooWell Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 This guy sounds terrible... I think you need to realize the way he was treating you is not okay! You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to not be in the mood. You are not being a "tease". How old is he? The whole brother situation is INCREDIBLY immature and he handled it completely wrong. You are right, this guy is a pig. You need to be thankful you are free of him. Don't look at the break up call as "didn't I deserve better?" His actions don't define you, they define HIM. They demonstrate what kind of a person he is - and that is a selfish, despicable one! I don't think you should reach out to him at all. Do not talk to him, don't lower yourself to his level. By ignoring him and refusing to contact him, you are taking back the power.
eddyctv Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 Wow he sounds like a winner! Dont bother telling him what a jerk he is; your lack of communication will get the message across. What a tool!
Author Winterkiss Posted July 10, 2013 Author Posted July 10, 2013 You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to not be in the mood. You are not being a "tease". How old is he? The whole brother situation is INCREDIBLY immature and he handled it completely wrong. Thanks, he is 24 years old, and his brother is six years older. We were supposed to just be eating together, but he called me in the afternoon and asked me to buy some ingredients because bis brother was coming. Yeah, they weren't the best people and they scrutinized everything about me. I am glad I'm out of that mess but that crap keeps eating at me.
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Posted July 10, 2013 The guy's a schyte-hole. And the fact that he quite obviously set you up - in a totally pre-meditated way - is simply indicative of what a despicable piece of crap he is. I suspect his brother probably had no idea you had been set up. It's like telling someone, "Tell my friend Bernard all those wonderful Jewish jokes in your repertoire!" then finding out Bernard is Jewish with a heavy family history....
Author Winterkiss Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 The guy's a schyte-hole. And the fact that he quite obviously set you up - in a totally pre-meditated way - is simply indicative of what a despicable piece of crap he is. I suspect his brother probably had no idea you had been set up. It's like telling someone, "Tell my friend Bernard all those wonderful Jewish jokes in your repertoire!" then finding out Bernard is Jewish with a heavy family history.... Yeah, I must have been blinded by that. It has helped to write it out - I am not sure how I was able to surround myself with someone who would have the audacity to say such awful things to me. But, oh well, that's just one less loser in my life!
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