YAST Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) Hi everyone, It's my first time talking about my situation in such forum, and I must say the main reason for opening up here is because I want sincere objectivity from you guys. So I was in a very serious relationship with a girl I truly fell in love with for around 8 months. We've been like best friends for more than three years, and had established a strong bond ever since. Two years ago, I, possibly as a rebound from my ex, asked her out and got rejected. I was certain that she liked me back too, because we used to hold hands in class secretly and stuff. Though I regarded the breakup no big deal, it still hurt to see her with another guy (whom had claimed to help me get this girl... and betrayed me). And I dated another girl for couple of months – another rebound. We were in the same school, and I had completely ignored her existence for around 6 months. Possibly because I was embarrassed, and possibly because I got pissed at her. We slowly began to talk to each other and reestablished our friendship, became best friends again, and this is where this thing started. She was on a vacation to Shanghai for two months, and the last time I saw her before she left, I realized that I still had a crush on her. Months went by, and I kept my emotions hidden because I was afraid I would get hurt again. I eventually became her secret admirer, and some of my friends who noticed this told me I should go for it. And I did. She had a crush on someone else, but I persuaded her for like a month and we FINALLY got together. She didn't love me from the beginning, but things were literally, awesome between us as time passed by. We did so many things together though we had limited time available to each other as we're students. She loved me more than anything else, and was fully devoted to our relationship. I also loved her more than anyone else in the world. She even, later on, mentioned how she wants to marry me and be happy with me ever after. But here is how these terrible things started to take place all of a sudden.... We're Koreans but both lived in China. My dad had his contract issue with his company, and we were told to move out back to Korea. I was devastated, I had one more year left to finish, and even the thought of leaving my girlfriend here alone hurt me. I told her about the decision that she should not tell anyone about this. She wanted to cry over the weekend but didn't because she knew that I feel weak when she cries and I can't be with her to solace her. She held up by next Monday when we met at school... and she told me that she already talked to her friends about my leaving. My parents have begged me to not tell anyone because the decision was not completely certain (and I know I should have listened to them); but my girlfriend was the only one whom I could trust. I thought she betrayed me, and got really hurt. I lost my cool and pushed her to the wall, putting pressure on her shoulders, shouting and swearing like a ****ed up beast. That's the moment where she began to fear me and wanted to break up. But I apologized and she gave me a second chance. So I persuaded my parents to let me stay. It was a hard decision but my parents eventually let me for the sake of my academic pursuit. But in reality, one of the main reasons for my stubbornness into staying was because I wanted to be with my girlfriend. Okay, so I told her that and she got extremely happy. So was I, of course. Well, some people say life is a bitch. And when THIS happened, I completely agreed with that. I got to stay and now my girlfriend had to leave. Same issue, same reason. Now, she was devastated. She got really stressed because you know how severe competition to universities is in Korea... She had to prepare for a whole different set of exams within three months! Of course I was extremely abysmal as well. But I knew I had to be there for her whenever she needed me, and I did. But at times... I got so disappointed that she could no longer meet me and care for me in general. I knew what I had to do, but I couldn't hide my disappointment. We had lots of fights, small and big quarrels, almost twice a week. When I felt that I got hurt, I displayed my violent side as a defense mechanism so that I wouldn't get hurt anymore. And that was being violent. I threw books to the wall, threw chairs, shouted, punched the wall, called her names, grabbed her arm, etc... I think it happened like three times in total. Whenever it happened, she wanted to break up with me, and I knew well enough that that's not what I wanted. So I told her I would try to change myself and she gave me the third, fourth and fifth chance. Every time we got back together, we became extremely happy, but then when we had arguments, we got totally wrecked. One week before she was to leave China, we had another argument (she wanted to spend some time off alone and I didn't let her. Because I have always been afraid that she might say 'Let's break up' again; another ****ty defense mechanism I have...). This time was pretty bad though I must say. I grabbed her elbow tight, and she got bruised. I dragged her down to bed and she hit a chair and got a bruise there also. I don't know, it just happened within a blink of an eye..... I realized the seriousness of my defect (emotion control), so I started seeing counsellors, opened up to my friends and asked for advice, exercised (because apparently it helps), listened to calm music only, watched nonviolent movies only, read lots of articles about this, etc... But she left me, for good, she said. And she left me, too, physically, back to Korea. She will be extremely busy until August for the university preparation, so even though I am currently in Korea, I cannot visit her or anything, which sucks. The last week she was in China, I did everything I could out of desperateness; buying her flowers, having candle-lit dinner, giving her rings as my solemn promise to never let that happen again. I begged, cried, shouted, threatened to suicide, and did all the things you shouldn't do after you break up. Her answer was still no... We talked about our relationship and decided to wait till December and see how things will be like by then. She kissed me and hugged me to comfort me, but the day after I felt insecure and started talking about what we had already discussed as a way to 'secure' it. Then she got annoyed and mad at me, and cancelled all the promises we made. I couldn't talk to her at school and that hurt a lot that I couldn't even hear my friends talking to me. The last day, though, I asked her if she could come over my house to talk, and she said yes. Things were weird; we talked and we lay on bed together, she in my arm, kissed and had a great time. She was worried that she might be raising my hope, but I said this is no big deal and that she can do anything she'd like. That night, I had a night out with my friends and because I was late, she got worried. She called me at 2AM that I should go back home and she even came out to see me and say goodbye to me. I was puzzled, but as I decided, I tried to accept her as the way she is and hoped that she would come back. Then the moment she left to Korea, she seemed very firm and decisive about the breakup. She and I talked casually, but we always failed. We always ended up talking about our relationship. She clearly doesn't want to date me back because 1) she cannot trust me; 2) she does not love me anymore. I completely understand that, but it is really hard for me to let her go. It's been almost a month that I have sincerely tried to change myself, and already did partially. We texted last night until 3AM how I really changed and how I really learned to love her the 'right way'. She only said hurtful things to me (I guess that's her defense mechanism) and that she does not love me and men, including I, disgust her. And that she wants me to move on. I am not planning to move on because I know this girl is the right one, and I now –maybe too late– know how to love her, really. I can treat her right because I know exactly what I need to do. But she won't give me another chance... She's too badly hurt. She cannot trust me anymore. She feels 'betrayed' because I was the only one whom she could trust and rely on... Last night we concluded that we will talk about our relationship on October, and until then I will remain No Contact. I have started writing journal-like things on a notebook; so starting from last night, I could write a hundred journals regarding my changes and my love towards her. I want to show her that my love is unshakable and that I will do everything for her. And I do believe love can move mountains. I don't know what I am supposed to do. I often get sad and cry alone. Even listening to songs saddens me and I end up crying. ****. I really want her back. This is especially terrible because it was really serious and now we're physically and emotionally separated... Any useful tips.. or advice will be appreciated. Please, help me through. I am willing to change every single part of my thought and my behavior for it to be better. P.S. Sorry this has been a very long post... and thank you for reading through. Edited July 7, 2013 by YAST
Z33 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Wow, i am korean also living in us. My lady is vietnamese and we just ended 2 years of relationship. Ive been praying everyday for 28 days now. I have 72 more days to go. Im only doing this to change myself. According to her, i have temper issue and i too agree with her. I couldnt accept the fact that its over. For 3 weeks, i chased her. Last night, i met her again for the first time in 3 weeks and she was still angry. She hit me and screamed at me. Didnt give me a chance to talk about anything. I asked my female friends about why she would act that way and they dont even know why she did that. But for now, i accept that its over. Its time to change myself to become a better individual. I hate the words "move on" so much so i wont mention it. She blocked me on fb and my phone #. Things doesnt look pretty but i am going to be strong and work on myself. For me, shes the only one. Look at the big picture, friend. If you two are meant to be, you would be able to smile and talk about this incident after you marry her. I too believe love can move mountains and one day, she would realize it. Wait patiently. Sounds stupid but thats the only way
Author YAST Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Look at the big picture, friend. If you two are meant to be, you would be able to smile and talk about this incident after you marry her. I too believe love can move mountains and one day, she would realize it. This is exactly what I am hoping for. Seems like you and I are going through a very similar situation – I have anger management issue and chased my ex for the last three weeks. I strongly find the need to work on myself as well; though I have been somewhat bad at it recently. I guess I'll need to work harder. Once I saw a list of signs that your ex might still care about you: showing emotions (whether it's good or bad) and blocking you on social networking websites (e.g. facebook) apparently mean that she still cares about you, mate. I hope things between you and your lady turn out exactly how you want it to be. Hope is a terrible thing, but given these circumstances, that's what keeps us going, isn't it?
Z33 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 ^yup you got it right. She just called me and asked me not to talk to her sister and come to her apartment. I said ok and i told her i wont contact you. But if she wants to talk or need me, she can always call me. I even told her she can come back to me even if she dates another man. To be honest, i really dont care. This is 21st century. I shared bed with many women and she has her past. It sucks if she sleeps with another guy but officially, we are not together. If that makes her to feel guilty and want to come back to me, im ok with it. I told her i would work on improving myself. I do crossfit and brazilian jiu jitsu so im very fit. However, i know im not the smartest guy out there. Im going to spend more time on studying and since im going back to school next month, it is very good time to focus on things i need to accomplish. Some of us are not like other guys. I know i cant be a player or a bad guy. I trust people and believe human are good from the nature. From the 2 years of relationship with my lady, i found out shes a very caring person with warm heart. She donated $ to poor people in vietnam whenever she had chance. She helped her friends whenever they needed her. I believe shes a good person so i believe what she did to me last night was not her true intention. I just believe and know that we will see each other soon. Weird, but i feel much better and calm now. 3 weeks ago, i felt like i got shot in the chest but now, i am more calm and can go to sleep well. I think she would suffer from now on. Or maybe not. Who knows
Z33 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/406594-crazy-break-up-she-hit-me-screamed-me-but-i-still-love-her Thats my story.
Author YAST Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/406594-crazy-break-up-she-hit-me-screamed-me-but-i-still-love-her Thats my story. Hi. It's been quite awhile since the last post. Any updates regarding your relationship issue? Mine's gone worse...
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