What does the dumper feel during NC?

[Emma1234]

Really struggling, I know I've posted a lot recently but it's the only way I can stop myself from texting him.

 

I didn't know that losing a lover could be this painful, I just don't understand how he could do this. We had so much and he just banished it all.

 

How can I get through each day, all I want is him back. How on earth cab people move through this stage and be happy again? I just can't see a light at the of the tunnel.

 

I have heard all of the 'you're so much better than him' and 'he's not worth it' but that just won't alter my feelings. I just want to be with him again.

 

Please please give me something that I can hold onto so that I can get through this.

[Mack05]

Emma firstly really well done for posting here and not breaking NC. I think it's better to post 1000 new threads on LS then breaking NC. Keep posting.

 

Right now you are hurting too much to truly understand how important NC is right now. If you break NC the results will set you back enormously. He will either be considerate but offer you nothing, or he will be sharp/cold and make you feel so much worse then you do now.

 

One of the greastest benefits of NC is that it keeps your emotions under control. You hear so many stories (and I am one of them) where someone breaks NC and they completely lose it afterwards when they get the reaction they weren't expecting (or maybe the reaction they were dreading). They start begging, pleading, bombarding their ex with texts and phone calls. Emotional control has been lost..

 

You are at your weakest, your most vulnerable and you are desperate to reach out to the one person that you feel can help you out of this nightmare. This is only the heart playing tricks with the mind. The one person you are sure that can help you, is the one person that can hurt you even more (which believe it or not is possible).

 

They say people become stronger after breakups. I think one of the reasons why, is because you became strong again (with some help from family/friends) without your ex. Not only did you survive this incredible pain, you learnt from it and you grew from it. When you become a better version of what you were, this is called 'character building'. It's actually a blessing to learn and grow from pain because it makes you stronger and better eqipped for when the real tough challenges in life come.

 

Of course that doesn't help you now. The sad thing there is no easy solution here, there never is. We have all been there. I remember at my lowest a few years ago telling my mother I had no fight left in me. I was a confident, popular guy going places. A few years (and bad choices) later I am rock bottom. I know this hurt. We all do on this site.

 

I promise you it does get better. I promise you this will be an experience that will stand to you in future. A few keys things. Try not engage in negative behaviours. Drinking alcolohol only numbs the pain. When you avoid and supress your feelings they came back to bite you even harder. Not only that you even make bigger mistakes further down the line. Stuff like casual sex, drugs, over eating again they just numb the pain. Like putting a plaster over a gapping wound.

 

Try find a good balance. When the pain comes (and it will come in waves) sit with it. Go someone quiet, have a bath, a scenic walk, just find somewhere tranquil and peaceful. Take deep breaths focusing firstly on your breathing and then the little things around you. Keep doing this until these uncomfortable feelings pass. The book 'the power of now' gives you great techniques on how to relax when you are feeling anxious/stressed. Also buy the book 'getting part your breakup'. This really is theeeeeeeeeeee breakup book.

 

On weekends try enjoy yourself. Do the things you love but don't be afraid to try new things. Indeed trying new things can be very liberating. Also excerise. I swear by excerise after a breakup. Ok getting your depressed ass to the gym after a breakup is hard, but getting up in the morning gives you a purpose to your day. Try do a class. It's hard to do treadmills when you don't want to be in a gym. A class will keep you focused on the task at hand. Before you know it six months have passed your heart feels better and you wonder where did this body come from!

 

This is just about taking little steps. Trying to do small postive things everyday. Small things add up. Try not to look up at the steep mountain. That will just keep you stuck in a rut. Instead focus on one small thing everyday. Before you know it you wake up one morning and they are not the first thing on your mind. it's awesome when you realise this. The clouds have parted and the sun has returned. Onwards and upwards...

 

I wish you well..

Edited June 26, 2013 by Mack05

[Emma1234]

Emma firstly really well done for posting here and not breaking NC. I think it's better to post 1000 new threads on LS then breaking NC. Keep posting.

 

Right now you are hurting too much to truly understand how important NC is right now. If you break NC the results will set you back enormously. He will either be considerate but offer you nothing, or he will be sharp/cold and make you feel so much worse then you do now.

 

One of the greastest benefits of NC is that it keeps your emotions under control. You hear so many stories (and I am one of them) where someone breaks NC and they completely lose it afterwards when they get the reaction they weren't expecting (or maybe the reaction they were dreading). They start begging, pleading, bombarding their ex with texts and phone calls. Emotional control has been lost..

 

You are at your weakest, your most vulnerable and you are desperate to reach out to the one person that you feel can help you out of this nightmare. This is only the heart playing tricks with the mind. The one person you are sure that can help you, is the one person that can hurt you even more (which believe it or not is possible).

 

They say people become stronger after breakups. I think one of the reasons why, is because you became strong again (with some help from family/friends) without your ex. Not only did you survive this incredible pain, you learnt from it and you grew from it. When you become a better version of what you were, this is called 'character building'. It's actually a blessing to learn and grow from pain because it makes you stronger and better eqipped for when the real tough challenges in life come.

 

Of course that doesn't help you now. The sad thing there is no easy solution here, there never is. We have all been there. I remember at my lowest a few years ago telling my mother I had no fight left in me. I was a confident, popular guy going places. A few years (and bad choices) later I am rock bottom. I know this hurt. We all do on this site.

 

I promise you it does get better. I promise you this will be an experience that will stand to you in future. A few keys things. Try not engage in negative behaviours. Drinking alcolohol only numbs the pain. When you avoid and supress your feelings they came back to bite you even harder. Not only that you even make bigger mistakes further down the line. Stuff like casual sex, drugs, over eating again they just numb the pain. Like putting a plaster over a gapping wound.

 

Try find a good balance. When the pain comes (and it will come in waves) sit with it. Go someone quiet, have a bath, a scenic walk, just find somewhere tranquil and peaceful. Take deep breaths focusing firstly on your breathing and then the little things around you. Keep doing this until these uncomfortable feelings pass. The book 'the power of now' gives you great techniques on how to relax when you are feeling anxious/stressed. Also buy the book 'getting part your breakup'. This really is theeeeeeeeeeee breakup book.

 

On weekends try enjoy yourself. Do the things you love but don't be afraid to try new things. Indeed trying new things can be very liberating. Also excerise. I swear by excerise after a breakup. Ok getting your depressed ass to the gym after a breakup is hard, but getting up in the morning gives you a purpose to your day. Try do a class. It's hard to do treadmills when you don't want to be in a gym. A class will keep you focused on the task at hand. Before you know it six months have passed your heart feels better and you wonder where did this body come from!

 

This is just about taking little steps. Trying to do small postive things everyday. Small things add up. Try not to look up at the steep mountain. That will just keep you stuck in a rut. Instead focus on one small thing everyday. Before you know it you wake up one morning and they are not the first thing on your mind. it's awesome when you realise this. The clouds have parted and the sun has returned. Onwards and upwards...

 

I wish you well..

 

 

I don't think you realise how much your words have just helped me. I will re read them when I'm at my lowest and definitely buy this book. Thank you so much.

[hoping2heal]

Emma,

 

I know you're hurting. It's okay to hurt, you don't need to just cut all of your feelings in one day, one weekend, one week, one month etc. It might not seem like much right now Emma, but many people have gone through this. They have had a break up, including for reasons/stories similar to yours. You know what? They moved on, they got through it and you will too.

 

Even though you feel lost for hope right now, one day you too will grow and have some perspective. You'll understand why the relationship ended and you'll be thankful for that awesome new person in your life who won't leave you, who is not breaking up with you.

 

It feels downright torturous misery sometimes, don't I know it. You're going to get through this though. Put one foot in front of the other. As much as you don't feel like it, reach out to your friends and start forcing yourself to do things. Even if you don't even feel like you're enjoying it at first. Just be in the moment of life moving forward so you know you don't simply have to stand still.

[Hoaks]

That helped me too, nice words Mack:)

[Emma1234]

Hey, my story is basically that he left me to find himself after 2 and a half years. I can't explain how much he has hurt me, so much so that I don't think I could take him back even if he came back.

 

He told me he still has feelings for me and misses me and that he wants me for the future but that for now he needs time to himself. He also reassured me he wasn't going to get into another relationship or sleep around.

 

Basically I'm just curious about what he's thinking/going through. I've been no contact for nearly a month now and I finally deactivated my fb account today which was like a breath of fresh air.

[BC1980]

My last ex was like this. Always needing more time to make sure he wanted to marry me. After 3 years? I know people who have waited around longer and are still waiting. I used to think how pathetic until I turned into one myself.

 

He won't decided. His feelings won't suddenly become clear. He is in total control. Putting you on the back burner while he "finds himself." I finally realized what a doormat I was being, and I feel like a fool looking back on it.

[TaraMaiden]

He told me he still has feelings for me and misses me and that he wants me for the future but that for now he needs time to himself. He also reassured me he wasn't going to get into another relationship or sleep around.

tell him to go phukk himself.

 

What -

 

"I'm off to go have fun, get laid, live it up a little enjoy sowing my wild oats - but just hang ten there until I get back, because when I'm done, You'll do just fine to settle down with, so don't go anywhere, I'll be back...."

 

Really?

And he's 'reassured you he won't' ....what??

ORLY??

I trust you don't believe him?

 

That's a pile of crock.

If he has no intention whatsoever of playing the field and getting shagged - then what the hell is this separation all about, exactly?

 

Yeah.

 

Right.....

 

Basically I'm just curious about what he's thinking/going through. I've been no contact for nearly a month now and I finally deactivated my fb account today which was like a breath of fresh air.

 

What he's thinking/going through...?

 

being a 'cake-eater'.

 

He wants you to stay put and not move on with your life, but sit there like a docile little girl, on the back-burner, quietly twiddling your thumb until he's ready to play catch-up again....

 

yet he wants to go 'find himself' (in the bed of some other lady, no doubt!)

 

Time to himself, indeed!

 

*scoff*.....

[lop98]

Convince yourself he's on the lookout for someone else. It will reduce the impact once you find out he's not knitting every night praying for more spirituality in his life.

 

I was told similar crap, the last one comforted me and I smiled to myself, thought it was fair to let him sort things out in his mind, he's a human being afterall, needs time, needs to think things through: he got in a relationship a week later.

[inaya42]

i think that when one feels a need to have someone leave her/his life for any reason, there is initially a sense of relief (that can be erased by even one iota of contact), curiosity, subtle longing (maybe), apathy. usually, dumpers who leave saying the things your ex said care for you and don't want to hurt you, but they do not want emotional responsibility for you either. so NC for them means that you get it, respect their decision, and are moving on.

[Leigh 87]

It just means that they do not feel strongly enough about you to want to continue a committed relationship.

If he was madly in love with you to the point where he just could not let you go... He would not go.

 

This is all hard to hear. Look, in most cases, the guy is not being an @sshole. They genuinely liked their time with you. Don't feel like you didn't mean much to them. Likely, you did. Just not ENOUGH for them to want to marry you. OR commit long term.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT wait around. And stay No Contact....

 

I recently made the mistake of moving on from my ex (albeit acceptance, not indifference) and then I gave in when they reached out and incessantly contacted me; he found out that I had been with another guy. They were gutted and completely beside themselves. To them, it felt like I had "cheated":lmao:

 

..SO be careful about No Contact. He may be daft enough to think you will actually stick around, waiting for him This was the case with me.

This also happened to my friend, so just be careful; her ex pulled the same crap your ex did! Exactly. Then, when she moved on and saw other guys, he lost it and could not handle it.

 

He had the nerve to say " you have been with someone else now. I don't want you anymore, but I WAS going to ask for you back"

 

:lmao:

 

So whatever you do, DO NOT wait around for him. DO NOT talk to him again!

 

Talking to him will only lead to some sort of drama. Or, he will want to do the whole "friendship" thing. Which is obviously not much fun. Since walking on broken glass isn't fun. Friendship with the ex is even less fun than the glass.

[aloneinaz]

You need to remember that he was thinking about leaving you or ending that relationship before he ever told you. I bet there were warning signs as well the last few months/weeks, etc.

 

* Less time spent with you.

* Not calling as much.

* Not spending as much time w/you.

* Not as affectionate, less interest in sex.

 

Bottom line, he left and tried to say the right things to not totally crush you. But in the end, he said "I don't want you in my life anymore". It doesn't get much more harsher than that. My ex ended our up/down toxic relationship. She'll NEVER hear from me again due to what a selfish, nasty, *itchy ass she was the last few months.

 

So, what do they think? Hum.. usually relief. They're glad it's over and want to move on. I broke up with one girl I dated for 7 months. She didn't take it well. I was nice but clear that the relationship wasn't working for me. I can't tell you HOW relieved I was driving home afterwards. Did I think about her in the days after? Not really. She just didn't rock my world sexually or w/her personality. It was a bad match.

[flitzanu]

Hey, my story is basically that he left me to find himself after 2 and a half years. I can't explain how much he has hurt me, so much so that I don't think I could take him back even if he came back.

 

He told me he still has feelings for me and misses me and that he wants me for the future but that for now he needs time to himself. He also reassured me he wasn't going to get into another relationship or sleep around.

 

Basically I'm just curious about what he's thinking/going through. I've been no contact for nearly a month now and I finally deactivated my fb account today which was like a breath of fresh air.

 

they feel good. they are out pursuing their life and meeting new people and starting new relationships, which is what they wanted to do when they dump you.

[HopelessRomantick]

they feel good. they are out pursuing their life and meeting new people and starting new relationships, which is what they wanted to do when they dump you.

 

What he said...

[athousandquestions]

For the purpose of your healing: who the hell cares about what he's thinking about. He's not thinking 'wow I messed up and I really want and need her back in my life" so what else matters?

 

 

For... scientific purposes: When I first broke up with my boyfriend I immediately experienced INTENSE regret. I couldn't eat/sleep etc I was so miserable without him (I had ended things because of a silly fight) and I made it ABUNDANTLY clear that I had made a mistake.

 

When he broke up with me, he seemed confused. Told me he loved me (weeks after we broke up) and seemed hurt whenever I went out with other guys.

 

But the fact is, maybe he missed the comfort, or my friendship, or the sex, but if he had missed me the way I had missed him, I know he would've come back pleading.

 

Edit: forgot this was about during NC.. not during the breakup...

 

 

During NC I think that they feel like we are regaining power. Their ego may be wounded because we are no longer at their beck and call. But they're still moving on with their lives.

Edited June 27, 2013 by athousandquestions

[jukeboxromeo]

I'll tell you.

 

They sometimes feel guilt. Most people who aren't narcissists feel badly for hurting someone else's feelings. They feel remorse for their actions (whatever those actions might have been). They feel like dirt, sometimes. They feel angry, especially if they wanted the person to be hateful towards them because of the break up.

 

Other times, they feel relief. They feel freed. They feel like the world is ahead of them, and they can do whatever they want with it and crush it in their hands.

 

But I would say that most times, when a dumper lets someone go, they feel like the dumpee for at least a little while. Like they just lost someone extremely valuable to their heart, and they don't know what to do - So, they sleep with other people. They drink. They sing sad songs. Anything to remove that person from their thoughts and try to soldier up and move on. And sometimes it's easy to just let those feelings go, because usually they've already dismissed this person in their heart many weeks, months, even years before.

 

I was the dumper recently. We were together for 14 months. In the last few weeks, I have felt and done all of these things I just mentioned. I didn't like playing that role, and I truly enjoyed much of the time spent with my ex-girlfriend, but my heart told me that it was just time to move on. No sense in dragging it out and hurting her worse later on. She and I were just too different, we didn't compliment each other well, and I didn't feel like those feelings I had when we started out were going to be there in the long run. So I had to do what was best, and that was for both of us to find a better match.

 

Just my two cents.

[all_cats_rgray]

SOW THEIR OATS!!!!

 

Alot of men leave because of this. Men are raise in a world where ****ing women and alot of them are linked to their self-worth and identity.

 

So, when women get all mad with a man "boy" leaves because they have only been with you. I don't get that woman...

 

The image of dragging a man to the alter is burned into are minds. ITS NOT CHANGING.

 

AND its not just a male gender thing.

 

Many couples that marry without SOW THEIR OATS don't workout.

[Emma1234]

Will I honestly ever going to get through this or is it going to hurt for years and years afterwards. I can't believe he has done this to me, it just makes him seem like a totally different person, almost as if I didn't know him through the years. I never imagined he could hurt me like this.

 

When will I feel ok?

How and when will I get over this or is he going to be branded to me forever?

I just can't believe I'm feeling this much when I know he's probably not feeling anything.

[TaraMaiden]

Emma, stop.

 

You have to STOP.

 

You are posting basically almost the same question on a virtual daily basis, and you're obsessing.

S.T.O.P.

 

Quit constantly focusing on him.

You have to turn your attention to YOU.

 

First things first:

 

Read the No Contact Guide.

It's the first post.

 

Understand a few things:

 

No Contact is NOT designed for getting your ex- back, making them miss you, or making you forget them.

No Contact is about you - healing you, helping you move on, accepting what is done, and learning from it.

It's about your progress to becoming a 'whole' you again.

 

You must quit being so obsessive.

You're hung up on what He is feeling, going through, thinking, and what his motives are.

 

It's no longer about him.

He's an ex.

Gone.

it's OVER.

Done with.

Finished.

Ended.

 

You have to begin forming a strategy on how to work with yourself.

 

Read the Guide.

Ask whatever you need to ask - but focus on you.

Not him.

He's out of the picture.

 

Time to start again.

[Emma1234]

Emma, stop.

 

You have to STOP.

 

You are posting basically almost the same question on a virtual daily basis, and you're obsessing.

S.T.O.P.

 

Quit constantly focusing on him.

You have to turn your attention to YOU.

 

First things first:

 

Read the No Contact Guide.

It's the first post.

 

Understand a few things:

 

No Contact is NOT designed for getting your ex- back, making them miss you, or making you forget them.

No Contact is about you - healing you, helping you move on, accepting what is done, and learning from it.

It's about your progress to becoming a 'whole' you again.

 

You must quit being so obsessive.

You're hung up on what He is feeling, going through, thinking, and what his motives are.

 

It's no longer about him.

He's an ex.

Gone.

it's OVER.

Done with.

Finished.

Ended.

 

You have to begin forming a strategy on how to work with yourself.

 

Read the Guide.

Ask whatever you need to ask - but focus on you.

Not him.

He's out of the picture.

 

Time to start again.

 

I know that you are completely right but it's the only thing going through my mind right now. I can't block things out and I over think, it's the sort of person I am and it's just hard because I know he's the opposite to me.

 

Thank you though, I need those words to make me face reality but I don't understand how people actually get through this, they must be pretty strong so for all those who have you are incredible.

[TaraMaiden]

The first thing you are seeking, is 'Closure'.

All your questions are based on being in a complete fog as to his motives.

 

Well, sadly, you will never get closure - either from us, or from him.

Why?

 

Because:

Any questions posed to him will result in (1) platitudes, (2) ignorance or (3), lying.

 

(1) He will try to placate you by appeasing you and telling you "it's not you, it's me!" or explaining that you need to find someone better for yourself.

 

(2) He may also resort to responding that he doesn't know, he's not sure, he just feels out of sorts, can't really put his finger on it....

 

And finally (3) - the lies:

He will just make anything up in the hope of getting you off his back, and explain that business/work/family ties just make it difficult to focus on you both right now... but maybe once all *this* has settled, he will be back.

Note: Lies will also heavily feature in (1) and (2).

 

The fact is, wanting Closure just engenders more questions, and doesn't give you closure, just more desperation, and curiosity.

As I've said before:

 

"Closure is like Vomit: It comes from within, but you need to get it out of your system."

 

The next thing you have to quit doing, is 'snowballing':

 

I read something on the internet, a while back, that struck a chord....

 

Basically it said that when you're in true distress, the distress lasts for 12 minutes or so.

After that, it's self-inflicted.

A stack of people came back with arguments against this fact:

 

That drug addicts can take years to get over their pain, bereavement is permanent because someone is gone you can't replace them...

 

They were missing the point.

 

If a thought that provokes the pain comes into your head, that thought generates that pain for around 12 minutes at a time.

 

Any prolongation of that pain, is something you are psychologically inflicting upon yourself, by perpetuating that pain.

 

So the thing to do, is to not permit that pain to 'snowball.'

 

This is the problem with situations like this:

Those nursing a broken/healing heart, can't "just leave it there"....

They begin the snowballing... that is, they have the grain of an embryonic thought, and instead of leaving it, they begin to roll it DOWN the hill, accumulating more 'snow' as they go, turning this fleeting little notion into a great big story complete with chapter, verse, footnotes and date references....

 

The trick is to not start rolling the snowball.

Pick it up and throw it, and move on.

 

It takes time to 'get over' a relationship of any kind.

But in your healing process, learn to spot, to recognise, where the real 'pain' should stop, and where you begin with the self-inflicted 'pain'.

 

Pain is valid.

Emotions are valid.

They deserve to be honoured.

But if we self-inflict, we actually do those honourable feelings an injustice, because we coat them and embellish them with our own story, and blur the edges of their raw honesty.

 

The self inflicted pain begins when you begin to labour the point. When you diversify from the original thought and take that line of thinking into a completely new and unrelated zone.

you may THINK it's all related, but it's not.

 

For example: (totally invented and just to demonstrate....)

You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and you jokingly accused him of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what he was wearing, other things he said....

 

Here it is again, with the original thought, and where the point starts getting laboured...

 

(1) You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and you jokingly accused him of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, [highlight]snowballing starts here[/highlight] (2) but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what he was wearing, other things she said....

 

See what happened there? You began the snowballing, adding, embellishing, expanding - and feeding your own pain.

 

Feel the feeling (1). Don't labour the point (2).

[Emma1234]

The first thing you are seeking, is 'Closure'.

All your questions are based on being in a complete fog as to his motives.

 

Well, sadly, you will never get closure - either from us, or from him.

Why?

 

Because:

Any questions posed to him will result in (1) platitudes, (2) ignorance or (3), lying.

 

(1) He will try to placate you by appeasing you and telling you "it's not you, it's me!" or explaining that you need to find someone better for yourself.

 

(2) He may also resort to responding that he doesn't know, he's not sure, he just feels out of sorts, can't really put his finger on it....

 

And finally (3) - the lies:

He will just make anything up in the hope of getting you off his back, and explain that business/work/family ties just make it difficult to focus on you both right now... but maybe once all *this* has settled, he will be back.

Note: Lies will also heavily feature in (1) and (2).

 

The fact is, wanting Closure just engenders more questions, and doesn't give you closure, just more desperation, and curiosity.

As I've said before:

 

"Closure is like Vomit: It comes from within, but you need to get it out of your system."

 

The next thing you have to quit doing, is 'snowballing':

 

I read something on the internet, a while back, that struck a chord....

 

Basically it said that when you're in true distress, the distress lasts for 12 minutes or so.

After that, it's self-inflicted.

A stack of people came back with arguments against this fact:

 

That drug addicts can take years to get over their pain, bereavement is permanent because someone is gone you can't replace them...

 

They were missing the point.

 

If a thought that provokes the pain comes into your head, that thought generates that pain for around 12 minutes at a time.

 

Any prolongation of that pain, is something you are psychologically inflicting upon yourself, by perpetuating that pain.

 

So the thing to do, is to not permit that pain to 'snowball.'

 

This is the problem with situations like this:

Those nursing a broken/healing heart, can't "just leave it there"....

They begin the snowballing... that is, they have the grain of an embryonic thought, and instead of leaving it, they begin to roll it DOWN the hill, accumulating more 'snow' as they go, turning this fleeting little notion into a great big story complete with chapter, verse, footnotes and date references....

 

The trick is to not start rolling the snowball.

Pick it up and throw it, and move on.

 

It takes time to 'get over' a relationship of any kind.

But in your healing process, learn to spot, to recognise, where the real 'pain' should stop, and where you begin with the self-inflicted 'pain'.

 

Pain is valid.

Emotions are valid.

They deserve to be honoured.

But if we self-inflict, we actually do those honourable feelings an injustice, because we coat them and embellish them with our own story, and blur the edges of their raw honesty.

 

The self inflicted pain begins when you begin to labour the point. When you diversify from the original thought and take that line of thinking into a completely new and unrelated zone.

you may THINK it's all related, but it's not.

 

For example: (totally invented and just to demonstrate....)

You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and you jokingly accused him of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what he was wearing, other things he said....

 

Here it is again, with the original thought, and where the point starts getting laboured...

 

(1) You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and you jokingly accused him of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, [highlight]snowballing starts here[/highlight] (2) but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what he was wearing, other things she said....

 

See what happened there? You began the snowballing, adding, embellishing, expanding - and feeding your own pain.

 

Feel the feeling (1). Don't labour the point (2).

 

That was an incredible thing you just posted, you've managed to put a few things into perspective for me which is something I haven't been able to do. It makes logical sense and it certainly is what I'm doing.

 

Deep inside I know he's not worth it, I need to focus on that.

 

Thank you for your words, you have no idea how much it helps just to hear different opinions than my own trapped mind frame.

[Emma1234]

Is this your first break up?

 

It is my first serious break up yes. I previously broke up with someone but it was a totally different relationship and despite being 2 years there were no future plans and we were young and accepted that.

[TaraMaiden]

Emma, when things resonate with us, it's because we knew it all along, and were aware of its unspoken wisdom. It just took seeing it in print to validate our own opinions.

So the above is something you knew all along.

It just took reading it, to bring it to the fore.

 

So it resonates - because you're 'like-minded'.

I take no credit for your common sense.

 

If it helps, copy, paste, print, carry it around with you.

I know - for a fact - many people have actually done that with the NC Guide, too.

 

Sometimes we need to revise. Re-reading something which helps - helps further.

 

[Mack05]

Emma, when things resonate with us, it's because we knew it all along, and were aware of its unspoken wisdom. It just took seeing it in print to validate our own opinions.

So the above is something you knew all along.

It just took reading it, to bring it to the fore.

 

So it resonates - because you're 'like-minded'.

I take no credit for your common sense.

 

If it helps, copy, paste, print, carry it around with you.

I know - for a fact - many people have actually done that with the NC Guide, too.

 

Sometimes we need to revise. Re-reading something which helps - helps further.

 

 

That mushroom soup...WOW cooked it last night.....Thank you TM this was the missing part of my three course meal.