Questionable situation

[Traptinmihead]

So, I've been facing a little bit of a dilemma the past week regarding a girl that im really into. Weve been dating for the past 8 months and everything was going well until she finally moved back into the city after living at her dad's house for the past 4 months. Note that this move wasn't planned and it was something she had to do to get out of her lease with a bad landlord.

 

I helped her with the move of course, but so much has been happening in her life on top of the move that she has been exhausted. I am always willing to help her out, but she said that she just needs to get things situated. Well, I started wanting to help her more and got my head into it too much, especially considering I was very anxious to see her since we weren't as much in the past 3 months, but was making time to see me and even go on the road with me during business travel. Well, I ended up visiting unannounced one day which I used to do all the time, but she became annoyed at that. I ended up leaving after she said she just wants time to herself right now and stated that it was unfair that she was treating me with the cold shoulder but was something she needed to do. She didn't want to see anyone, even her roomate at that time.

 

After this, the steady flow of texts slowed down so naturally, I felt a bit distraught for a couple days. I then realized that I should have listened to her and not pushed the issue to see her as she was becoming a little turned off by it. It also made me realize I was losing my individuality that I know she loved about me as more things were revolving around just her. So, now im finding it again by going out to see friends and do things by myself for awhile.

 

The situation is a bit concerning as I dont know how to handle it. The upside of things is that while we haven't been talking much, she occasionally initiates conversation and when I say something, she responds. She gives me insight as to what she's been up to, but were not as funny and lighthearted as we were before this setback. However, I feel her keeping contact with me gives me the sense that she still cares.

 

I have no desire to lose her, but I want to be sure that I have the right line of thinking with this situation. She says she needs her time and things are stressful with the recent move im sure. I've also mentioned to her when she asked how I was doing that ive been reevaluating myself and realizing that I was being selfish and not giving her the space she wanted to get things done. After all, when she mentioned this before, we still texted like normal. It was just the visit that screwed things up a bit along with me asking when I could see her. If I learned that before, well the situation would be way different. It has been about a week since the unannounced visit at this point and have not pushed to ask to see her since then. Also, I should note that she is a VERY blunt girl and has no problem expressing what she thinks to anyone.

 

With all this and there being no ultimatum given by either of us (seeing other people, leave me alone, we should stop seeing each other, etc), does it seem that I am taking the appropriate steps to help mend things between us?

Edited June 23, 2013 by Traptinmihead

[aloneinaz]

She demonstrating classic signs of losing interest in the relationship. I know you don't want to hear that but look up on the internet "signs that you're about to be dumped".. That was terribly rude of her to do that when you stopped by without letting her know before hand. Especially if you've done that before as well.

 

You have an opportunity now to end it before she does. You can simply be nice and say you'd like to take a break from the relationship. See what she says.

 

Or B, you can simply confront her and ask her if she wants to take a break. Clearly, if she was still madly in love with you, she'd be seeing you and texting you all the time.

[JustAReformedGirl]

She may be losing interest in the relationship, as Alone said, but I'm not entirely sure about that. If the flow of conversation is starting to pick up again, there might be hope for the relationship.

 

I suggest having a serious discussion with her on the matter, though. No one here can know for sure what she's thinking or feeling, if you yourself, don't.

 

Be open and honest with her, and ask her to grant you the same courtesy. Ask her if she's losing interest in the relationship. If she is, tell her whatever she wants to do from that point on, you will respect her wishes. It may hurt you, but if she's losing her feelings for you, and doesn't wish to try and fix things, there really isn't much you can do.

 

If she isn't losing interest, but is just stressed out and overwhelmed by all the changes in her life, give her time to mull things over. This doesn't mean waiting for her verdict forever; after all, you have feelings too, and it would be better if she doesn't string you along.

 

Hopefully, your issue can be resolved. Best of luck.

[Traptinmihead]

Thanks for the feedback. I feel its a combination of the two in that due to her levels of stress (looking for a betterjob, unpacking, coming out of a lonely and uncomfortable environment living with her dad and wife for a couple months, etc) and the new environment, she didn't want to see anyone at the time and me pushing to see her caused her to lose interest in sharing things with me. While I should've figured it out sooner, i'm glad I did what I did so that I could realize that what I was doing wasn't beneficial to her, so ill know that for the future, whether i'm still with her or not.

 

At this point, I'll accept whatever will happen and am giving her breathing room to see if she feels better about things between us. She has initiated texts since then and they're sounding a bit more like herself, but they are still not too frequent. She told me she will be off from her current job next week (note that I didnt ask about this, she volunteered this information). I feel that if things don't improve between now and when she has time, I will request to sit down with her and talk about the situation, which at that point I may request to take a break depending on her views on where she sees things with us going. In the meantime, ill be doing my own thing and hanging out with different people.