bluecell Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Hi, I just broke with my girlfriend, because I think she has the 'Greener-grass syndrome'. Let me explain why. About 2 months ago she quit school. Waiting to get in a different school which will start in about 2 more months, she had much time to think. Probably, too much time, as she felt really depressed. She's currently being helped by a professional. Three weeks ago she stopped wanting to see me. I knew something was wrong and it was confirmed when she wanted to talk two weeks ago: she wanted a break. She didn't know who she was and wanted to try and 'find herself'. She did make explicit that she didn't want to date anyone else, but she also didn't want to see me. Personally, I think she felt smothered, because I told her that I would like to life together. She said she didn't, but I didn't think it was a big deal for her... I wouldn't mind if we waited. Anyhow, she probably felt otherwise. Btw, she's 22 and I'm 26. After our talk, I just wanted to help her, but she didn't want that. Probably, because I was part of the problem. What the actual problem is, I've never heard. She didn't know either I think... she just felt that she needed to find out who she was. It also wasn't me, according to her. For me that doesn't make any logic... if you don't want to see me then it's because I'm part of the problem, one way or another. The two weeks followings was very hard for me. We did text each other every day, but it was very superficial. I tried very hard not display any neediness and gave her space. She started to do a lot of fun things with her family and friends. Not knowing what the future holds made me crazy. Being in limbo is so hard, I couldn't stop thinking about the situation... my work suffered, I felt heart broken. Luckily I have good friends which I started to spent a lot of time with... something I stopped doing for some months. Not that I broke contact with my friends... it was just on a lower level of importance. She did mention at the beginning of the break that she wanted to see me after two weeks. We could then see what happens, and probably 'date' each other once a week while she continues to figure out who she is. Two weeks passed, but she never mentioned meeting. I did give her a call asking how the professional help was going/saying. Eventually, after reading about the Greener-grass here, I wanted to help myself and her by letting go of the relationship, which I did. The description fitted and I think it was the best thing to do. But now I wonder if this was. She did say that she didn't want to leave me, but she also didn't refer to any future of us and didn't want to meet. While breaking up, she did say that she and her professional help discussed that she wasn't ready yet. So, do you think I did good by breaking up? She does have all the space of the world now.
Chi townD Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Yep! You did the right thing. It wasn't fair to you to be held in limbo. And it was dair of her to have you clinging on to false hope. Does she have GIGS? Probably. But, that's something she has to work out for herself and for you to move on with your life. Time to start NC. Go dark on her. This was her choice. So, no reason to still be in communication. Ignore everything she sends to you. 2
aloneinaz Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I agree... I think you made the right decision. She might have been wanting to do it to you but didn't want to hurt your feelings so kudo's for you taking the bull by the horns. I'd also go dark on her. I'd ignore her since she'll probably be sending bread crumb texts cause she'll be curious. Its going to be hard and I'm going thru it now myself. I'm just continually telling myself she'd dead to me now and need to move on, date and find her replacement. 1
Author bluecell Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Thanks for letting me know that you think I did alright. I also think she wanted to break up with me, but couldn't... she said there is no room for any relationship right now but that she would never break up with me as she's been trying so hard to 'get' me. Perhaps now that she 'has' me, she lost interest. That's also one reason why I broke up... NC will probably spike her interest, if still there, more than clinging on the false hope. The evening after the breakup she did text me that's she's gonna miss me. I didn't felt any need to respond to that. She followed up with the question if this is the last time we'd speak, ever again. I said 'yes, at least until you've found yourself' I'm ignoring now whatever she says and moving on to other stuff/girls. This forum is awesome btw... really helps you with problems! 1
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