Giha Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 (edited) She broke up with me on Monday. A real out of the blue break up for me. We had small hickup the day before. I felt she was being weird so I figured I'd give her some space for that night. The next day she ended things. We had, in my eyes at least, a perfect relationship. We cared for each other, we were always there for each other. I could feel she loved me. She had one boyfriend before me, that was in high-school. He cheated on her with her friend. She tried to date but she only found jerks and was hurt all the time. I know I was the only one who ever truely TRUELY loved her. She was not very social as well. She tried making friends but she always got hurt at some point and gave up. She had no luck in this matter either. I was her best friend the whole time. Maybe even the best friend she ever had. She had no one but her family and myself. And yet she was never clingy nor was she over-attached. She was just loving. The day before we broke up she told me how much I mean to her and how much she loved me. I really believed her. I still try to, but with every hour that passes the idea that she was just trying to convince herself that she loved me seems more real. How could this have happened? Sure, I tried my best to blame myself. I believe we all try to find reasons to make sense of it all. But although I can point at a few times where I could have been better to her, I can find no reason for which I would have broken things off so quickly with a partner I love so much. She said she didn't love me as she would have wanted to, and she didn't know what she wanted for herself and she didn't think I need to be dragged in this. I couldn't believe her at first. It made no sense. But the more I think about it, I really can't find a reason. I know she didn't find someone else, because she was either at home, at work (all grown-ups) or with me. She told me this over Skype. I was lost and hung up. I called her again after about 10 minutes because I just had to make more sense of this. I tried to argue that it really made no sense that in a span of two days she goes from THIS to THAT. The call lasted 5 minutes to no avail and I hung up. NC since, in the sense that I never tried to contact her nor did she try to contact me. But I did try to see if she logs to WhatsApp more or less often. And I did try to see if she logs into Skype any more, and keep track if she adds new contacts to her friend list. At least she doesn't have a facebook account, though I sometimes check if she re-opens her old one. I'm really trying to stop with this semi-staking behavior and I'm taking it a step at a time, but its really hard. I just feel lost. It's like I'm having a rat clawing its way through my chest and it never rests. I don't know if I should try to fight for it or leave with what dignity I still have left. I know most of you will say "NC till the end" but I guess all of you know how hard just the idea of it is. So this is my story. I'm heartbroken and quite frankly still shocked. I gave her everything I had, but it wasn't enough. This is a nightmare. Edited May 9, 2013 by Giha
Author Giha Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Managed to get myself to remove her from Skype and delete her number, plus our conversation in WhatsApp. Still got her number so hopefully I won't get tempted. But it's something.
CelticGibson Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 As long as you have the number, you will be torturing yourself with temptation. Don't do that to yourself. If you delete everything then you know you can't do it and you can start to heal...
Author Giha Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 As long as you have the number, you will be torturing yourself with temptation. Don't do that to yourself. If you delete everything then you know you can't do it and you can start to heal... I realized this as soon as I wrote the message. I don't have it anymore. I gave away all the stuff she gave me, and asked for it to be hidden from me. I know I should've just thrown it away but its too hard. Doing this made be broken even more.
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