My boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me for another girl

[Mana15]

Hello, everyone. This is my first topic, so I'm sorry if I'm not able to express myself very well.

 

So, my boyfriend of almost 3 years (I'm 20 and he's 18, I'm in college and he's a senior in high school) broke up with me in March because he was starting to have feelings for another girl. I should've seen it coming, since he was distant on the last weeks of our relationship. A month ago, after I tried to keep contact with him for 2 weeks, he told me he already loved that other girl more than me.

 

I know for a matter of fact that our love was true and there was no cheating or anything like that involved. However, although we speaked a lot through Skype, we couldn't be together very often due to our schedules, while he sees this girl everyday.

 

I got back in contact with him a few days ago but I'm getting ready to go into NC because I'm not as ready as I thought I was.

 

Can this be considered a rebound? Is he maybe confused because it's something new?

Edited May 7, 2013 by Mana15

[Treasa]

Honey, I once had what others would consider a "rebound" that lasted six years.

 

I think that going NC and not lending too much weight to his words (he's in that honeymoon glow right now) would be good for you. Start making a list of your goals, and start achieving them.

[Toddbt12y1]

He isn't confused. This isn't a rebound. You shouldn't talk to him.

 

Look, he dropped out of this relationship. He found someone who he was able to see more often(still no excuse to coldly drop you). Heck, he even was a jerk about it, and said he loved her more. Who does that? You say he wasn't cheating with her, but you are wrong. He was.

 

There are two types of cheating. Emotional, and physical. I am not saying he did physically cheat...But he definitely emotionally cheated on you. He doesn't love her, if that helps you.

 

I can say this, because real love is built upon time. He maybe infatuated with her. He might be in lust, but certainly not love.

 

He treated you poorly in the end. Telling you he loved her...was a jerk move. I would NC him for that.

 

I know you wanted to hear something more positive. I am truly sorry dear hugs* But be strong, and realize that he has emotionally changed his heart towards you.

 

(Although, if he did leave her...knowing that you care for him, or her leave him, he would go back to you...but that is not how you should be treated, like second fiddle).

[LoveB86]

No one can exactly tell you, but him. My ex cheated (I don't know if physical, but emotionally he did) with a co worker of ours. He dumped me and immediately is in a relationship with her. I don't know if it's rebound, but I can say he showed me he was heartless. That was the end result.

 

For someone to let you go like nothing... That is fine! Gives someone else an oppportunity to find you. Why be considered second choice?

[KatZee]

Not a rebound since he met this girl while with you. I'd say he checked out of the relationship on an emotional level and was focused on her. I know how much this sucks bc my ex did the exact same thing to me but you can't be naive in thinking there was no cheating. Cheating doesn't have to be physical. The fact that he loves her and is proclaiming more than he loves you is telling. It shows he's been spending significant time with this person, confiding in this person, opening up emotionally to this person. Sounds like an emotional affair to me. You also have no idea how long this has been going on so it very well could be love if he's been hiding this for a while. Don't wish for him back or hope he comes back to you. Never been someone's second choice.

 

Edited May 7, 2013 by KatZee

[Mana15]

You all are right. I've thought all that through over and over again.

 

I just feel really bad, because it's been 1 month and a half and I still feel really, really bad... I guess I should just move on. The thing is I don't know how to do it, because there will always be a little of hope inside of me.

[Toddbt12y1]

You have to mentally kill that hope. Pretty much force it.

 

You loved him. You will hurt. But you will get through this. Then...you'll realize that you did throw hope away.

 

Besides...Welcome to LS!

 

I promise you...we will be here to help you through this or any other problem you have. We all want you to feel better and will help you as best as we can.

 

I know it hurts now...How you move on? Go out and enjoy life. Do those things you want to do(as long as it's not self destructive). Be Flirty. Build your confidence. Go to the movies with friendsm be active.

 

This combined with time is what will heal you dear.

[Mana15]

In this month and a half I've actually done some changes on myself! I've started a new job and I've reconnected with old friends. I was actually pretty confident, but all that confidence went away when I got back in contact with him because I thought I was ready.

 

And thank you very much! I believe this forum will help me to get over my pain.

[Toddbt12y1]

Therein is the problem.

 

Avoid contact at any cost.

 

Even if you honestly believe you are ready.

 

Truth is there is no simply being friends with a person you love like this.

 

Jerks don't change that easy. You don't need more of this. More hurt. Could you imagine months or years later, being friends with him...and seeing a Facebook status or something else of him talking about how great some other girl is?

 

Even years later...and this could greatly hurt you...thus setting you back.

 

I am glad you are doing those things. Now just give it time. Give yourself control to not look at or contact him.

 

I am glad you think so. We shall be like dear friends and greatly help you.

[justin1988]

Same thing happened to me! I did a complete overhaul on my life. Did a lot of personal growing. I've improved myself drastically and was feeling much better about the break up. Then 7 months later, boom. Ex contacts me and all the work and building I've done is smashed back down. Go no contact and you will be much better off. Letting go of the ex is hard (believe me I'm still trying to do it) but sometimes it's the best thing to do for yourself.

[Skipper888]

my ex emotionally cheated on me. She said i wasnt there for her when she needed me. Its hard to be there for someone when its a LDR. I tried my hardest to be there for her but she found comfort in a work mate who could be there physically as well. Its hard to compete against someone like that. She got into contact with me after about a month and we talked everyday saw eachother twice in 4 months and was amazing but i had trust issues and she never resolved them for me so she ended it again and hasnt spoken to me in 2 days.

 

I dont know if she was seeing this other guy while talking to me but i assume she was. I guess she realised that i was there for her all along but it was too late. She probably dating this guy now and enjoying all the things we use to do together. Im sure she will and has moved on pretty easily after all she checked out months ago.

 

Its really hard to let someone go but we have to. They dont care anymore and we cant make them care even though every part of me wants to shake them and tell 'DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING' or even text them and talk about it but they have moved on and are happier

[Mana15]

Just blocked him again. Back to NC! I have a really important exam next month and I need to focus on that, not on him.

 

I need one last advice: should I block him on Facebook (he wouldn't be able to search for my account nor get notifications from me and vice versa) or should I simply keep him unfriended? I'm afraid he'll think I deleted my Facebook account just because of him when and if he searches for it and doesn't find it.

[Toddbt12y1]

Block him on FB too. Do not leave any avenues of hope.

[Mana15]

I did what you advised. Thank you.

 

Well, today was the first day and I cried a few times. Whenever I talked with a friend and he said he would always support me, I would immediately start crying.

 

I guess what makes me suffer more about the break up is that I lost the person who I'd always lean on. My best friend.

[KatZee]

I did what you advised. Thank you.

 

Well, today was the first day and I cried a few times. Whenever I talked with a friend and he said he would always support me, I would immediately start crying.

 

I guess what makes me suffer more about the break up is that I lost the person who I'd always lean on. My best friend.

 

See, when you start thinking things like this you need to switch your way of thought. Is this how you would treat him? Is this how you would treat anyone you called a best friend? How was he being a friend to you when he was off behind your back emotionally cheating on you?

 

This is why I never understand why those in relationships call their partners a "friend." They're not your friend. They're a boyfriend/girlfriend. The second the relationship is over, there is no friendship left.

 

9 times out of 10 the breakup isn't mutual. You can't fool yourself thinking he's going to be "just" a friend now. It's awkward. He's with someone new, someone who doesn't want you lingering around.

 

And you definitely need to lose the hope. What are you hoping for? To be his backup plan? To have a cheater back? You don't want any of those things.

[Mr. Nibbles]

You're young. Find a good man who will honor and respect you.

[Mana15]

See, when you start thinking things like this you need to switch your way of thought. Is this how you would treat him? Is this how you would treat anyone you called a best friend? How was he being a friend to you when he was off behind your back emotionally cheating on you?

 

This is why I never understand why those in relationships call their partners a "friend." They're not your friend. They're a boyfriend/girlfriend. The second the relationship is over, there is no friendship left.

 

9 times out of 10 the breakup isn't mutual. You can't fool yourself thinking he's going to be "just" a friend now. It's awkward. He's with someone new, someone who doesn't want you lingering around.

 

And you definitely need to lose the hope. What are you hoping for? To be his backup plan? To have a cheater back? You don't want any of those things.

 

I know you are right. This is the 3rd time we break up (the 1st time we were apart for 1 month and the 2nd for 3 months), and I don't think a relationship (or me) could take any more damage.

 

I'm trying to lose all my hope, but it won't be easy. He's in love with someone else. I have to move on for my own good.

[Mana15]

Sorry for my double post, but I'm on my 2nd day of NC and so far so good. I'm not even close to considering contacting him.

 

I'd like to know if anyone has any suggestion of stuff I can do to keep myself busy, preferably at home since I get home at the end of the day really tired, but it's the time of the day I think about him the most.