youngnlove89 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 "Call me crazy, but I still believe very much in untainted, unchanging, everlasting love. Despite the heartbreak and the disappointment that follows each mismatch, I've never failed to pick myself right back up to dive into yet another dream. It's just I've seen rainbows without the rain, I've felt the ground shake as I prayed, I've witnessed light shine from darkness, so I've concluded that true love must be out there waiting for us." Dear me, Hi. I love you. I love all of you and I care about your well-being and happiness. That’s why I am writing this. First of all, I want to say how proud I am of you. You have grown into quite the strong, smart, independent woman in the past years. You made it. What I want you to always remember is that you, and only you, are in control of your happiness, emotions, and actions. As we have learned in the past, relying on someone else to fulfill those duties, your duties, only leads to a grand mass of heartache and sorrow. I know that you did not purposely place these responsibilities on someone else, but rather slowly and unconsciously let them slip from your grasp, in the midst of the sometimes strenuous burden of loving another individual. You lost yourself in the quest for a perfect love and, as a result, lost the love as well. As I said before, I know that you did not do this intentionally; this is the precise reason I am writing this to you now. Now, while you are outside the insane realm of love, while your heart is still in your possession, while you are still very conscious of your feelings and emotions. I am writing this now, while you are still in control, so that you can remain in control. Remember who you are. Remember your immense strength. Remember your worth. Because you are worth it. You are worth a happy and satisfying relationship. You are worth the time of day. You are worth the time. If ever you feel uncomfortable or emotionally unstable in a relationship, remove yourself for a moment. Take a step back. Reevaluate where you are, who you are with, and how you got there. Be honest with yourself as well as with others. Never, ever use love as an excuse to do something or be someone that you are not. Do not use love as an excuse to lose who you are. Above all else, guard your heart. Take risks, but be smart. Be happy. Love always, Me 15
Toddbt12y1 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 That's beautiful. Very well said young hugs* that's a great way to look at things. 1
Compromize Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Very well written and I am taking it inside me as well! I too had found what I was looking for and placed all my hopes and desires and happiness in her and ultimately lost it all and myself in the process. I think when we do this we set ourselves up to be brutally hurt and become extremely needy. I loved too much, too hard, too strongly I think and it drove her away. I will be more careful in the future. Letting someone in all the way and giving them all of you opens you up to the most intense feelings and passion and love possible but also the most pain possible. The person that deserves all of you will not be the one to leave and cause the pain, but rather to accept all of you and give all of themselves in return, for life. That's what I want and deserve and have to give. We should accept no less. 4
ViciousCycle Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 That's moving stuff! I wish I could steal it. But I should probably right my own. What you said is applicable to all of us. I get the vibe from reading your other posts that this has been quite a long and difficult process for you, but that you're learning so much. I am proud of you! 1
crustyjojo Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Fantastic post and so much resonates true it made me cry. I've even shared with a friend who has just started a new relationship but is afraid of getting hurt again. Hopefully, for both me and her we will never lose ourselves again.
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Thank you I keep reading this to myself every day hoping that eventually I'll be over him..
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 I need to keep reading this EVERY DAY. 2
Hope737 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Absolutely beautiful words and true in every sense. I have very much lost myself over the past few months, I've forgotten who I am and have let myself slip. I've even been to the point where I didn't even know who I was anymore but reading your post has made me realise that no matter who deceives you in life, you still have YOU. For me, learning to love myself has been very difficult, and still is, but your original post was a real eye opener in the fact that if you can learn to take a step back and look at yourself in a positive light and realise all your achievements then the road to learning to love yourself just got a little shorter for me. All the best! 1
GI_Joy Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I need to keep reading this EVERY DAY. It's easy to feel this sense of empowerment and capture the moment, but it's much, MUCH more important to internalize it and actually put it to action. Even if it means snapping yourself with a rubber band to stop the negative thoughts and urges to break NC. Will power and discipline only get stronger with practice. The moment you realize you are in control of the things that drag you down is the moment you take a step in the right direction of moving on.
Empty Heart Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 That was just what I needed to hear today....I too have 'lost myself' in all the stress and grief of a BU after ten years. It's so easy to wallow, to over analyse, to be consumed by what has happened. When it's not your choice, it makes it doubly hard. I saw myself in a different light today....after a couple of months of not eating/sleeping/feeling normal and happy...today I woke up and thought 'is he feeling like this?' I doubt it. Even though he contacts me (mostly text messages or email) on a regular basis, I have seen gradually that his messages are mostly about him, his day, his feelings. Does he ask about me? Rarely. I just thought to myself in the quiet moments before getting up 'up your bum, I actually matter here and I have a life that is getting ever shorter'. I went out, bought myself some new bits and bobs and actually ate something. It's not until this finally sinks in that we can then look back and think 'wow, I let someone dictate how I live my life and feel about things'. I'm not saying I won't have some more down days to come, I'm sure I will....but slowly, very slowly I'm beginning to see that only I can do something about this. It's not rocket science I suppose. Even if it's only today, I couldn't have thought about a moment of resting from the nightmare two weeks ago, so I'll take this as a sign that I'm slowly getting there. Thanks for your letter to you, it was good to read. 2
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