Does time change things?

[naomii]

He says we need a "break". All i could think of was the advice i had read before, a break is just a nice way of ending things. But then i think about how he's right, how all of the bad things that have happened -- we could never be together right now. We were together secretly, and i hated that. I always complained about how we werent out in the open with our relationship. His family hates me, my family hates him and right now it'd just never work out due to what happened (legal things). Not to mention we had been arguing a lot lately, mostly because of our secret relationship. He says maybe with time in between, we'd be able to try again because it will help "erase" things in a sense. He said we should do our own things for a while, and if we come back to eachother then we do. If we dont, we dont. I was devestated because we spent the last year or so working things out, and have known eachother a total of 3 years. We spent most of our time together. Now i feel empty and alone.

 

We spent the last night together and ended on good terms. We went out, had a really good time. He spent the night like he always did (no sex). Then morning came and he was acting like everything was how it always had been. He wanted to stay here like he always did. We talked like we always did. But then i remembered that he had joined a dating site and was already putting himself out there. Thats when i decided to join the same dating site with him sitting next to me and told him if this is what he wants, then he needs to leave. He sat there quietly before getting up. I said "Are you listening to me? If this is what you want, then things cant be the same." He moved really slowly to get his things. He said "Us spending time together doesnt magically solve everything." I started crying, we said goodbye and that was it.

 

Day 1 no contact. I had to hold back crying at work. I know he's probably just fine with things. That is until he starts to miss me. We've had "breaks" before. He always came back a few days later. He cant stay away from me. He tried to reassure me that the dating site he's on he usually has no luck with, but it doesnt sting any less that he wanted to give up on us. I agree, we do need time apart so maybe we'll have a chance of working out later on, but too much time apart might keep us apart for good. He said i should date someone else for a while because i've never had a relationship before him. He's afraid that I dont know what i want in a guy and that it might not even be him. I decided to go NC. Does time really change things or is he just using it as an excuse to find someone else?

[naomii]

Anyone?

[all_cats_rgray]

Girl You have to stand up for your self!

 

"You where in a secret relationship" never put up with being someone's secret.

 

I don't care about these excuses of his family hates me, thus we have to stay in hiding. A real man would say "THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND and I LOVE HER".

 

He always comes back because he knows he can. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. This man is not worth it. Someone that treats you like this is using you. You are his soft spot to fall when he's looking for "the one".

 

F u c k him. Find someone that teats you right. I know you love him, I know you think if I just wait, be compliment, he will see how much I love him, and he will crack and confess his undying love for you. THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN.

 

This break like the breaks before are break-up. THIS time, treat it like one. NC this man, and find someone that cares.

 

<3 Don't beat yourself up about this, I'v done this, alot of women do this. Being a doormat does not show them that you love them. It shows them that they can use you. AND that you don't respect yourself.

 

<3 I'm trying to put my foot down too. NC .

 

HE will find someone eles, someone that will be just like you. Someone that does anything for him... And he will repeat the pattern.

 

YOU will find someone that is not like your ex, and will be happy.

Edited April 27, 2013 by all_cats_rgray

[FailedFirstLove]

I understand the secret situation because for a year or two I myself was in one. This was when I was younger and had to keep it a secret because parents just didnt want us to be dating at a young age.

 

But anyways. It seems like alot if going on and your both under alot of pressure. His just exploded and decided pressure is too much now. I can understand how family is important and sometimes u don't want to break that relationship.

 

Your both in the same situation but you couldn't accept it. That provaby oressured him more. if you wanna try again u need a better plan. Either completely dismiss the family. Or take time to slowly re introduce him. Even little things like giving a gift for christmas and stuff.

 

Right now he just seems fed up with the drama. So let him go for now, if he loves you he will come back. Goodluck