Gf of 5yrs broke up with me, doesn't care. reflections

[kidinfo1]

Full situation: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/388148-girlfriend-5-years-broke-up-me-doesn-t-care

 

Summary: Ex gf of 5 years broke up with me, doesn't care, already talking to other guys.

 

Now I can't help but think was I really the bad one all this time? When we were dating my friends would always tell me to leave her because they didn't like her, she treated me bad, etc. but I couldn't.

 

Now after the breakup I'm thinking about maybe I was actually the one who caused everything.

 

I keep thinking of things I could have done different to keep us together.

I keep thinking was I really that bad that she can already move on so fast?

 

I'd like to think I gave her everything she wanted...

 

The only thing I couldn't do for her is smoke / drink with her (which she loved to do) because I'm completely clean (never smoked / drank. I've tried both, used to enjoy smoking but now I just get panic attacks when I smoke). So I guess that's the only real thing that made us different. She is a "party animal" and I'm more of a chill out kind of guy, unless its a big party worth going to. She's been known to leave me home sick in bed / ditch hanging out with me to go to a party, but I always let it slide because we basically lived together, although I did get mad and argue a little. But how could I not of? We'd literally have plans to go somewhere.

 

I can't see myself with anyone else. She's all I know. No one else looks good to me but her. It hurts so bad knowing she's giving herself to someone else already..

 

Now that I think of it, she's always ran to other guys immediately after she broke up with me. Last time I even received a naked picture of her from some random guy that she was sending around... I can't deal with that again...

 

Like I've said in previous posts, we werent perfect - I wasn't perfect. At all. But, I was not some huge douche that deserved treatment like this...

 

Edit: I am attempting the great advice that i received here, but it's still in my head and won't leave no matter what I'm doing

Edited April 23, 2013 by kidinfo1

[130R]

You and I are in the same boat. That describes my ex fiance pretty accurately also. 5 years, 4 months, 16 days. Only difference is, I've started smoking weed and going to parties towards the end of the relationship. She always wanted to do those things with me, but when the opportunities presented themselves, she didn't want to party/smoke out with me. I changed to be more open minded, more fun... but it wasn't enough.

 

maybe we were just too conservative, too safe, too predictable, too stable. Maybe sometimes girls want drama in their life... they want to be flirted with... pursued... I don't know anymore. I thought I had it all figured out and we were going to get married.

 

 

You're not alone in this. Good luck

[Chi townD]

Dude, she literally JUST dumped you. You ARE GOING TO FEEL THIS WAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE! No getting around it. So, you have to go through it. Stay No Contact from her. None!

 

If she comes by to get your sister, stay in your room until they leave, don't look out the window, nothing. Or, just leave yourself. Personally, I think she's going to give you a wide berth from you. Crap is just too raw for the both of you right now. So, I would even worry about it.

 

But, I would worry in the future when sh*t calms down. I mean, if this chick is bold enough to send pics of herself naked to other guys AFTER your last break up, then it wouldn't surprise me if she starts sending stuff to you just to get under your skin. For no other reason than to get a rise out of you. To let her know that she still has some sort of power over you. Don't give her the satisfaction. Stay strong and stay NC. If you stay NC, you give her NOTHING! She has no idea where your head is at. She has no idea if that made you angry or made you sad or even if it affected you at all. nothing. If you need to vent, do it here. People WILL be here to listen and to walk you through this difficult peroid in your life.

 

Now, I hope that you've taken my advice about making positive changes to your life in your other thread. I think you stated that you were in the process of ordering new clothes. Good, I hoped that happened. Now, go to the hair stylist and get a new look. Trust me, when people see you in new threads and a new hairstyle they're gonna say, "Damn dude! You're looking sharp!" It's going to help your self esteem and give you a little ego boost that you probably need.

 

Then, go to the gym today, get your ipod and run on the treadmill and push some weight. Go for an hour TODAY! The gym is free to you, so use it! You'll walk out of there a little tired, but you should also feel a lot of the stress is gone. Get the blood pumping and the endorphins going, you're going to feel better even if it's just a little bit. Trust me on this one. And go everyday or at least 6 days a week with one recovery day. Eat healthy and clean. No junk food. Lots of water. Before you know it, you'll be leaner, muscles will bulk up and you'll be cutting a nice six pack. Girls are gonna notice this, and in a VERY nice way. That's definitely an awesome ego boost. If you're strict about this and your training and diet, you are going to start to see changes within a month. JUST ONE MONTH! Come on, dude! That's an easy positive change!

 

So, start with the clothes, hair and working out. Your first steps.

[kidinfo1]

You and I are in the same boat. That describes my ex fiance pretty accurately also. 5 years, 4 months, 16 days. Only difference is, I've started smoking weed and going to parties towards the end of the relationship. She always wanted to do those things with me, but when the opportunities presented themselves, she didn't want to party/smoke out with me. I changed to be more open minded, more fun... but it wasn't enough.

 

maybe we were just too conservative, too safe, too predictable, too stable. Maybe sometimes girls want drama in their life... they want to be flirted with... pursued... I don't know anymore. I thought I had it all figured out and we were going to get married.

 

 

You're not alone in this. Good luck

 

Thanks man it's good to know I'm not alone. And yeah maybe you're right about being predictable and safe. But idk... It truly is killing to think about all this and I just can't stop..

[kidinfo1]

Dude, she literally JUST dumped you. You ARE GOING TO FEEL THIS WAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE! No getting around it. So, you have to go through it. Stay No Contact from her. None!

 

If she comes by to get your sister, stay in your room until they leave, don't look out the window, nothing. Or, just leave yourself. Personally, I think she's going to give you a wide berth from you. Crap is just too raw for the both of you right now. So, I would even worry about it.

 

But, I would worry in the future when sh*t calms down. I mean, if this chick is bold enough to send pics of herself naked to other guys AFTER your last break up, then it wouldn't surprise me if she starts sending stuff to you just to get under your skin. For no other reason than to get a rise out of you. To let her know that she still has some sort of power over you. Don't give her the satisfaction. Stay strong and stay NC. If you stay NC, you give her NOTHING! She has no idea where your head is at. She has no idea if that made you angry or made you sad or even if it affected you at all. nothing. If you need to vent, do it here. People WILL be here to listen and to walk you through this difficult peroid in your life.

 

Now, I hope that you've taken my advice about making positive changes to your life in your other thread. I think you stated that you were in the process of ordering new clothes. Good, I hoped that happened. Now, go to the hair stylist and get a new look. Trust me, when people see you in new threads and a new hairstyle they're gonna say, "Damn dude! You're looking sharp!" It's going to help your self esteem and give you a little ego boost that you probably need.

 

Then, go to the gym today, get your ipod and run on the treadmill and push some weight. Go for an hour TODAY! The gym is free to you, so use it! You'll walk out of there a little tired, but you should also feel a lot of the stress is gone. Get the blood pumping and the endorphins going, you're going to feel better even if it's just a little bit. Trust me on this one. And go everyday or at least 6 days a week with one recovery day. Eat healthy and clean. No junk food. Lots of water. Before you know it, you'll be leaner, muscles will bulk up and you'll be cutting a nice six pack. Girls are gonna notice this, and in a VERY nice way. That's definitely an awesome ego boost. If you're strict about this and your training and diet, you are going to start to see changes within a month. JUST ONE MONTH! Come on, dude! That's an easy positive change!

 

So, start with the clothes, hair and working out. Your first steps.

 

Yeah I started with most of it and def going to be working out starting now. I just feel like I'm taking this way harder than I should but I don't know... I'm definitely staying no contact with her because even if I wanted it to be no contact I couldn't because she's blocked me from everything and won't answer anyway. Even doing these things suggested I'm constantly thinking about it..

[ThatJustHappened]

Dumping someone isn't usually a spur of the moment decision..it's something the dumper thinks about for a while. They typically give themselves time to make sure they're making the right decision, which in turn allows them to get used to the idea and start healing before they've even dumped. That's why dumpers can sometimes seem to move on more quickly while the dumpee, who is blindsided, takes longer.

[kidinfo1]

Dumping someone isn't usually a spur of the moment decision..it's something the dumper thinks about for a while. They typically give themselves time to make sure they're making the right decision, which in turn allows them to get used to the idea and start healing before they've even dumped. That's why dumpers can sometimes seem to move on more quickly while the dumpee, who is blindsided, takes longer.

 

Yeah that's true. Come to think of it. She said "I've been wanting to do this for awhile and I knew you never ****ing would"

 

But the ****ed up **** is, alllll the way up until that night, she acted completely normal. Asking when we are going to get married, asking to get a hotel room, saying I love you, seeming excited to see me, cuddling, etc. then just that one night she flipped out of nowhere. I just don't ****ing get it.

 

She really is all I can think about. I've been seeing hot girls all over, way hotter than her and they don't do it for me. All I can think about is her and how I wanna be with her and only her. I can't think about any other girls sexually either. Which, I feel would really help if I could

[ThatJustHappened]

There's always porn. Jussayin'...

[kidinfo1]

There's always porn. Jussayin'...

 

Haha yeah that only work temp though then I'm back to the same position like 10 minutes later lol