Breaking up after 5 years of happiness and other assorted woes...

[neci]

Hello.

 

I sincerely cannot believe I am here writing this. I haven't posted anything here in over 7 years, last time I was 18 and going through my first break-up. Felt like the world was collapsing, thought I wouldn't ever be dealing with that again but here I am.

 

I had been with my ex for 5 years, I am now 25 and she is 23. We had been living together and happy for most of that period (living later of course, maybe past 3) she broke up with me last November and I am struggling to move on, I really just want to let this out get some good advice.

 

She never really gave me a reason, I have my own theories on the matter though. She graduated from University last July and moved back in full time. She was never happy since then, I think she had a very hard time adjusting to the "real world" as it were. I know how hard that can be, I myself had a really hard time when I went through the same, getting first job etc, can be incredibly stressful. I feel like she superimposed these feeling onto our relationship and convinced herself this was what was wrong in her life. I think this compounded with what I guess I would describe a "early life crisis" - omg why am I tied down at 23 etc etc. I know her better than anyone ever will and I am pretty sure these are the underlying reasons...

 

So.. Fast forward. I still spend nearly all my time with her in my head and heart. I cannot escape it. I really don't know if I am ever going to feel complete without her in my life, we spoke very infrequently for the first few months, then not at all... The only reason I don't contact her anymore is because I (crazily) feel like maybe she will wake up and realize that she has thrown away what we had for fleeting reasons.

 

So...

 

Now the rest.

 

On the one hand you have the girl I have been seeing for about 6 weeks now. I feel incredibly guilty for having these feelings for my ex while I am seeing her. I feel like she really likes me and I would hate to hurt her in any way, she is really a fantastic girl. But on the other hand, I need to move on right? I don't feel like these emotions are going away. This girl is great in so many ways, I have more in common in many ways with her than my ex. That said I feel incredibly shallow knowing that I don't find her as attractive.

 

Am I doing something wrong?

 

At the back of my mind I know I would drop her in a heartbeat if my ex wanted me back. I would never cheat though. I am not that guy, I pride myself on my integrity in relationships.

 

 

What am I supposed to do? I really thought I was going to marry this girl. We had talked about marriage and kids, everything.

 

I am really lost at sea here.

 

Thanks x

[neci]

Nothing?

[number122]

First you lost that girl for good.

Second you WILL lose the girl you have now too.

 

You don't feel fine that you are just playing with her. I suggest that you tell her that you don't really find her attractive.

 

Find time for yourself, heal and forget your ex. THEN start a relationship, otherwise you are just gonna hurt the new gf...

[LumberJack]

I had something like that once - where a girl hung out with me for about 3 months, made me think it was serious, then dumped me as soon as her ex came back.

 

We were dating for about 3 weeks before we became a "couple". I would've respected her a lot more and experienced considerably less heartache had she told me back then that she's not ready for a serious relationship.

 

Do the right thing. Tell that girl now. Hopefully it's not too late and you can still part ways on a friendly note and keep each other's numbers.

 

my $0.02.

[laceyjane]

Don't be in a relationship if you still have feelings for your ex and feel like you're not emotionally ready. You'll end up fooling her and yourself. Heal, forgive, forget then love.