Breaking-up Q+A

[OwlSoul]

Some questions on the forum repeat themselves. I've been reading a lot of topics, so decided to sum up what I observed. Feel free to share your own observations as well.

 

Breaking-up Q+A

 

He/she asked for some space/time. What does this mean?

 

Meaning: It might mean different things for certain couples. However, it basically gives freedom to date others for the person who asked for some space. At the same time it does not mean the official break-up.

How it usually looks: The person who asked for the space (dumper) gently suggests to the partner (dumpee) to try to live separately/stop dating for some time. The dumper refers to the problems at the school/university/work/family or uses phrases such as ‘I am not sure what am I feeling’, ‘I am confused’, ‘It is not about you, it is me’.

 

The reason: The dumper basically stopped feeling the romantic love towards the dumpee for some reason.

 

The dumper’s reaction: Most of the dumpers sincerely believe that it is really just for some time. There might be another person the dumper is dating. In case the new partner is not much better than the left dumpee, the dumper might start feeling disappointed and want back to the old relationship.

 

 

 

 

Why do I still love him? I am not sure what I am feeling syndrome.

 

A lot of people face some kind of animal feeling which is opposite to logic.

 

The Dumper case: the dumper usually is extremely loved and being treated very well. Logically, they should stay in such comfortable relationship where he/she is loved so much. But… the person feels deep inside that something is wrong, loses all the love, feels guilt, starts blaming self for being such a bad person for not loving back. So, the person starts counting cons and coins, which literally means nothing. Since whenever the cons or coins are, the feeling is still there. Sometimes the dumper feels like an idiot for wanting to leave, sometimes he/she wants it more than anything. And the dumpee showing more love, showing that the dumper is so needed pushes the dumper further away.

 

All 'cause you love, love, love

When you know I can't love © Love love love, of monsters and men

 

 

The Dumpee case: Logically, we should stop loving or even hating the person who hurt us so much. Logically, we should stop wanting someone who does not want us, since it is useless and hurting. Your brains tell you that the person does not worth your tears and your time, that the person is not ideal. But once we have invested so much into those relationships, dumpees’ gut feeling just cries and shouts that you want only and only this person. That he/she is the one; you won’t be able to love someone else ever and etc. More the dumper distances away, more you panic, show love trying to get the person back.

 

And I want you now

I want you now

I'll feel my heart implode

And I'm breaking out

Escaping now

Feeling my faith erode © hysteria – Muse

 

 

 

Why do we break-up?

 

How does a relationship survive: Love is related to sex and reproduction. Reproduction is the main aim for any living organism. Preferably, we want to give a birth to healthier and stronger versions of us. Therefore, we seek for an ideal partner who would be a perfect for us. For women the attraction mostly builds up around her appearance. For men – it is more about his social status and wealth. However, nowadays both physical appearance and social status is equally important for both genders.

So-o, at the beginning of any relationship partners think they are equal to each other in terms of health and wealth. As long as the partners are equal to each other, have the same emotional needs the relationship satisfies both of them and keeps living.

 

Breaking-up: However, even smallest changes in one of those spheres of life will affect the relationship. For instance, if one of the partners gets a new better job, his/her attraction level changes which results in one of the partners getting distanced, while the second one starts feeling it, panicking and pushing his/her partner further away. When it reaches the point when the dumper realizes the relationship is not going to satisfy him/her in the future, the break-up happens. Sometimes the dumpers acts in a such a bad manner that the dumpee has to leave first.

[LoveB86]

OwlSoul- great observations!! Indeed that is exactly what happened to me regarding "space".