Jump to content

I don't know if we've broken up already or what. ?


Recommended Posts

Hey guys,

 

I've been keeping my relationship troubles to myself for the past 7 months already. Haven't told any of my friends nor family. I just chose to remain to be 'excommunicated' from my friends because I can't just seem to be happy with my troubles and I can't enjoy my time with them. And I don't know why I'm pouring it here but, here goes.

 

What happened was, the girl that I genuinely loved for the very first time in my life has told me that she needed space. While I was with the impression that things were doing pretty okay, clearly I was wrong.

 

For the first few months of the break, she was still a bit warm but still kind of distant, she was very careful with her words, that while she says sorry because of the break she has proposed, and that she still needs me in her life; she tells me that she is now suddenly unsure about me.

 

I heard this because I basically told her that I just can't tolerate her behavior of just stopping the relationship midway without any forewarning, and I told her I'm leaving because **** it, my feelings are hurt because of what she did.

 

So the months went by and around the 4th month of the break I started breaking down and telling her things that made me look like a desperate fool and she started detaching herself completely out of my life.

 

She told me that while she loves me but she is unsure if she wants to stay with me, and still she gives me her spiel "If you leave will this be forever?" every time I tell her I will leave because it hurts so much. But every time she tells me that line I give her a chance and tell her okay I'll wait because she has been patient with me and I love her.

 

But it seems like the only one interested to fix this relationship is me.

 

Whenever I restart my body to go on waiting mode again she just chooses not to do anything to fix the relationship because she tells me I should be 'a man and I should court her like good old times', how can I find the motivation to court when I am filled with anger and sadness of what she has done?

 

She also told me that one thing that led to this break thing is that I'm a cheapskate, while this is not by choice, I had no money during the start of our relationship because I was still a student then. I had to mention this because this is one of the worst, low life excuses I have ever heard in my life.

 

What I know though is she has been patient and understanding of me during the duration of our relationship, she has been giving me chances and understanding me with everything I do, and I mean everything , and I am very thankful of that. That's why I am still staying even though she has said a lot of hurtful things during this break.

 

I just can't understand why she suddenly wants me out of her life, I am really at a loss and I have a lot to say about my situation but I am restraining myself to make my thread readable.

 

I text her everyday, I chat to her everyday, but sometimes I just breakdown and say **** it im not talking to you and when that happens I tend to pour out my feelings to her just to get my heart crushed by her words that tell me that she is unsure and she doesnt want me now in her life.

 

I try to be happy and just forget it all, I try to do what she says by just being friends but really, it's not that easy to become friends when the only one who wanted the break was her and not me.

 

For all those who don't like to read my long spiel, it all basically boils down to these questions:

 

  • Should I stay even if it hurts me that I am the only one trying to fix the relationship?
     
  • How can I wait patiently and happily when I am filled with anger and sadness because of her sudden decision to stop things?
     
  • If I stay, how can I find the motivation to stomach all the things she says and all the hurt I am feeling?
     
  • Why is it that she loves my personality, but not me as a person and not understand my faults? And not forgive me and give me a second chance in making it up for her? Instead of just opting to stop the relationship altogether.

 

I love her so much with all my heart, but she is hurting me and I'm having trouble with coping to this "space/let's just be friends for the meantime" thing.

 

I just don't do well with these kinds of situations, I don't understand why exes should be friends and why people should still be friends after a relationship.

 

Thanks for reading, hoping for some advice, Im really really at a lose and I've got no one to tell these things.

Edited by whirwhir
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...