Harlequin_Dog Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 So- I'm the dumper here. But a little backstory first. I met my ex went I was 16, and he as 23. Against a lot of odds, we managed to date throughout my high school years and into college. However, our relationship was always rocky. Fighting was a common occurrence, mainly because after about the 6 month mark, ex stopped putting effort into the relationship. But, I was in love with him, and refused to stop trying. He was also in love with me, he just felt too comfortable and felt he didn't need to try anymore. We broke up several times during the relationship in it's entirety. Finally, I broke it off with him in January of 2012. I couldn't deal with him ignoring me anymore. He would refuse to take me out on dates, and if I came to visit him, he would literally ignore me for hours playing video games and refuse to even acknowledge me in his apartment. (If I tried to speak to him while he played games he got irate with me very quickly.) He would also refuse to have sex with me unless it was on his terms- and would never work to please me in bed. I felt completely alone and ignored. Also if anything bad happened, I was the one who would always receive blame in the relationship. Bad day? My fault. Sick? My fault. It's raining? SOMEHOW it's my fault. We ended up being FWB for a while after that, simply because I wasn't looking to move on. (I kept hoping he would change, or take me out on a date, or pay attention to me.) Little did I know during this time he still told his family/our mutual friends that we were actually still together. That June I found a new partner, and told him I was done being FWB. Even though that particular relationship was short (most likely it can be called a delayed 're-bound' of some sort?) it lead me to meeting my now current partner. I love my current partner with my whole heart, and I never could have imagined life could be this amazing. I just recently talked to ex, and found out he's moving on now. I am so overjoyed that he is- I want him to be happy very badly. We tried our best to keep the BU very nice and on good terms. I honestly don't want to lose him from my life- as he is a good person underneath it all. I can also honestly say I still care a lot for him too- not in a romantic sense, but I would do anything to help him in life. But, honestly, it hurts to see him move on. I know it's a normal reaction, especially considering I dated him at such a young age and for such a long time. But I just wanted somewhere to say this. That it does hurt to watch him go, kind of like watching a wild animal you helped raise get released back to the wild. I know he's finding joy again, and I am ecstatic about that, but it's sad to see the last embers of what we had finally put out. It's a strange mixture of relief and sadness, and I just hope he's finally finding people who can balance him out. Anyway...I'm sorry for such a long post. ;;;@_@ I may use this thread as a bit of a journal, but any similar stories or thoughts? Also, I guess I'd like to say not every dumper wants to hurt you, or see you sad or never have you move on. (Heck- I even tried helping my ex go on a few blind dates! :3) So don't think we're all horrible, and someday you will meet someone who will be your everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
taya Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 i love this post ...i have learn that if its not ment to be it wont be and what is ment to be will be life is too short and i know the pain hurt so much but dont spend the rest of your life thinking and crying for someone that chose to be with someone eles just let go and find the guy or the girl that your ment to be with that will never let u go for someone eles .. Link to post Share on other sites
TeaFor2 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I have just posted myself for the first time and I am stunned to see that I can Identify with someone who posted just before me!! I Honestly can identify with your situation. It is almost identical to mine two months ago but possibly more from my ex girlfriends perspective in an ironic sort of way. I almost fell off my chair when I started reading! Your story is a sad one just like mine and many others when a relationship ends on good (or fair) terms. The only advice I can give is to take thinks slow as you move on. At the same time if you still wish to speak with your ex, advise him to also take things slow and to be careful. As you may see from my story with my ex, neither of us took things slow and we both flew into other relationships. Luckily we both seem to be very happy aside from some issues that are naturally upsetting, and we have a good chance of feeling 100% content in the near future. This really is lucky. Be happy that he is happy (seemingly) but also be sure you don't want him back as the good person you obviously know he can be. What I will say is, many of us make the terrible mistake of taking our loving partners for granted even though deep down we love them very much. We become oblivious to our ignorance and bad attitude towards them. This may or may not have been the case with him. It was with me and I needed time to look in the mirror, and make the effort to better myself as a person so It would not happen again. Unfortunately, I lost my girlfriend and I was very very lucky to meet someone special although unlucky that it came way too soon (it makes it seem like a rebound when it actually is for real and this makes it complicated). Feelings sometimes take time to become clear. I never allowed myself that time and even though it may be for the best It is sad thinking that I will never know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I recently found out that my ex is leaving the state. We tried to remain friends after the breakup and did so as best as we could. She is a roaming and unsettled soul and her past experiences have not been kind to her, but I tried my best to be anything but what the norm has been for her in the past. I've sabotaged and lost relationships b/c I wanted to be there for her. Not in a romantic way, as a support. Something happened that finally and abruptly made her decide that she had to move on. A combination of un-supportive family, city (state) culture that was abhorrent to her, a job situation that seemed so precarious for her. But, something else, something very recent happened and now she is going to pack up in three weeks time, with her two young children and escape. I love her and have told her so in ways that I knew how. Not to stop her from going, rather, to let her know that I have been infinitely blessed by her presence in my life. I will miss her dearly. Already do. Letting go, hoping that she will be better off somehow.... I can only believe and want to believe that she and her children will be. You know the say, when you love someone, you have to be prepared to let them go, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
taya Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I recently found out that my ex is leaving the state. We tried to remain friends after the breakup and did so as best as we could. She is a roaming and unsettled soul and her past experiences have not been kind to her, but I tried my best to be anything but what the norm has been for her in the past. I've sabotaged and lost relationships b/c I wanted to be there for her. Not in a romantic way, as a support. Something happened that finally and abruptly made her decide that she had to move on. A combination of un-supportive family, city (state) culture that was abhorrent to her, a job situation that seemed so precarious for her. But, something else, something very recent happened and now she is going to pack up in three weeks time, with her two young children and escape. I love her and have told her so in ways that I knew how. Not to stop her from going, rather, to let her know that I have been infinitely blessed by her presence in my life. I will miss her dearly. Already do. Letting go, hoping that she will be better off somehow.... I can only believe and want to believe that she and her children will be. You know the say, when you love someone, you have to be prepared to let them go, right? right .....and also if she wants to go nothing u can do but just let her go it sucks i know but we cant force anyone to be with us ..am sorry this happen to u tho Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 right .....and also if she wants to go nothing u can do but just let her go it sucks i know but we cant force anyone to be with us ..am sorry this happen to u tho thanks taya! it was a shock to hear that she was leaving. we were planning a hike/picnic together for next Monday. she sounded so excited about it. it is sad and it does suck. i'm doing everything to let her know that I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE IF SHE EVER NEEDS ME! [sigh] Link to post Share on other sites
taya Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 thanks taya! it was a shock to hear that she was leaving. we were planning a hike/picnic together for next Monday. she sounded so excited about it. it is sad and it does suck. i'm doing everything to let her know that I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE IF SHE EVER NEEDS ME! [sigh] your welcome and thats all u can do is let her know how u feel its up to her what she does next and what ever that is wish her the best...the hurt will stop soon i really hope so ...beep down do u think she care for u as much as u care for her??? and if u dont think so its should be a open eye of letting go Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 your welcome and thats all u can do is let her know how u feel its up to her what she does next and what ever that is wish her the best...the hurt will stop soon i really hope so ...beep down do u think she care for u as much as u care for her??? and if u dont think so its should be a open eye of letting go Oh, we broke up months ago. Had no intention of getting back together. I'm sad b/c I'm losing a dear friend. Someone that I love and care for deeply. I had been seeing another lady since the breakup. I know that she cares for me, yes! I know how she feels and I am proud to say that I did all I could and with dignity and great consideration. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
taya Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Oh, we broke up months ago. Had no intention of getting back together. I'm sad b/c I'm losing a dear friend. Someone that I love and care for deeply. I had been seeing another lady since the breakup. I know that she cares for me, yes! I know how she feels and I am proud to say that I did all I could and with dignity and great consideration. ok i get it now Link to post Share on other sites
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