From worse, to good, to Where am I?

[McDonald]

Hey LS.

Happy friday.

 

For those who have been folowwing my story... thanks for keeping up lol. I dont really make amny threads because I usualy just post in Na's Thread because our breakups are so similar.

 

However this deserved its own.

 

In short- 4 months since break up. Gf dumps me for another guy... strings me along... try to bre friends...tells me she hopes we can get back together...then dates the other guy... hurts me more.. go NC for about two months...tries to reach out to me last week... I respond because I thought I was ready. Wasnt affect by the conversation but more of her message telling me "I hope your doing well"... Get angry but just let it go... then I breka and ask her how she is doing... tells me "im doing good. how about you?" I told her Im doing alright.

and that was it.

 

So now here I am.

4 months post breakup. I do feel stronger. I can see things for what it is. Im no longer crying every day. She is still on my mind everyday though, but it isnt as strong as it used to be... Im starting to forget what she sounded like etc.

 

I was doing good up until she messaged me "i hope your doing well" funny how they know when you're about ready to take that last step to let go.. they come throwing breadcrumbs.

 

So yesterday I decided that i would not talk about her to anyone or post on LS for a day. Because I havent gone a day where i have not mentioned the BU.

 

So I tried and tried and was actually doing it. But of course.. the worse happens. many know how many times we ran into eachother last quarter and I was happy that This quarter I would not know her schuedle and therefore wouldnt know where she will be. Well guess what?

Im leaving from one class to go to another and there she is... leaving a lecture hall. She didnt see me but i saw her. She was walking with another guy who wasnt her new BF she left me fore. Must be a new friend.

 

my heart sank into my stomach. I havent felt that low since the actualy breakup and my stomach hasnt felt that way since the time I first saw her with her bf.

 

IT compeltely S-U-C-K-E-D

 

IDK why I was affected by it. last quarter towards the end near finals when i saw her... I didnt really feel anything.. no weird feeling in my stomach. But now... When i thought i was the most done with it.. im not?

 

Have I gone backwords? I broke down after seeing her and started to cry,.. I havent done that in a month or so...

 

I dont want to say I have gone backwards.. but IDK.

 

I think Im just upset at the fact that while she is making new friends.. I really havent done anything to improve myself. Sure im working out everyday. Im atually oon day 47 of p90x and have never been more in shape, but IDK... I havent met anyone new

 

UNTIL LAST NIGHT lol

So my house had a party last night and I started talking to a bunch of girls.. even got two girls to go into my room... but nothing happened. But still! That was a huge step. I am no longer hiding in the corner...

 

SO in short, I feel like im doing fine. Im am doing just fine without her. Speaking to her doesnt affect me too much.. but seeing her with someone else, even a new friend, afffects me. -- but it used to not too.

 

So I went from feeling terrible yesterday, to great at the end of the night, and now Im jsut confused. I dont know what stage f the RS im in... idk where I am or where I even going...

 

I dont even know if I posed any questions in this post..... I guess Im just upset that I havent moved on yet.

 

Sorry for the long post..