Response email to ex who wont leave me alone

[crustyjojo]

Hi - I just thought I would share this email with you as it may help some to word a response to an ex who wont leave you alone.

 

The full story is in another thread broken up previous ex wont leave me alone - new harsh email arrived.

 

Simply my present boyfriend broke up with me and my previous ex is now getting in touch. I have repeatedly asked him to leave me alone and he said he would, but is still continually emailing and guilting me to responding.

 

So this is what I have written (breaking NC) but making myself clear.

 

Dear XXXX

 

Let me make this very clear. I asked you to leave me alone for a reason. You said you would, and then have continually sent me emails and are basically trying to guilt me into replying to you.

 

You are disrespecting my wishes at this time,and therefore disrespecting me. Anyone who wishes to be a friend would not do that and you not doing yourself any favours.

 

Leave me alone. I will contact you when I am ready.

 

 

 

It may appear harsh, but I am trying to put my life back together and heal from the present break up without having a far too needy ex harassing me.

[Toddbt12y1]

Sounds fine, and you stated your wishes. If he becomes too much of a problem, there is always the route of a restraining order...Or just changing your information so as he cannot get ahold of you anymore.

[na49]

Dear XXXX

 

Let me make this very clear. I asked you to leave me alone for a reason. You said you would, and then have continually sent me emails and are basically trying to guilt me into replying to you.

 

You are disrespecting my wishes at this time,and therefore disrespecting me. Anyone who wishes to be a friend would not do that and you not doing yourself any favours.

 

Leave me alone. I will contact you when I am ready.

 

I love it.

 

I would just get rid of the stuff I bolded if I were you. You don't need to give him any more hope that you will contact him. You will contact him if you contact him, but he doesn't need to know that. because if you never do and you tell him you will when you're ready, he'll come back asking you if you're ready.

[blotter]

So your ex is trying to guilt you into responding to his emails, and you show him up by...responding to his email? Why not continue to ignore and not even bother to open up the email in the first place.

[Cogee]

My question to you is what makes this contact different than previous contact? If you have made it clear in the past your wishes to be left alone, then what is driving you to respond this time? Do you believe it will work?

[crustyjojo]

My question to you is what makes this contact different than previous contact? If you have made it clear in the past your wishes to be left alone, then what is driving you to respond this time? Do you believe it will work?

 

 

Not at all. It is difficult as I live in a very small place and still see him around. He has continually been emailing since my breakup with present boyfriend - which I have ignored and not responded to. I thought - clearly stupidly in hindsight - that if I made it absolutely crystal clear that I wanted to be left alone he would get the message. Apparently not.

 

I've had another email since - I am just now going to ignore.

[Am4Real]

I read through the other posts in response to your sample letter. My reaction was you should not respond, all responding would do is give in to the purpose of him trying. It could be construed as a plan beginning to work by him.

 

Secondly, I did not care for the second sentence about friendship. And the third sentence letting him know you will contact him when you’re ready. All these writing are doing is letting him know you are open to his requests for friendship or whatever you two spoke about and perhaps if he keeps working on you he can advance “time”. If you sent this to me (meaning him) I would smell an opportunity!

[ThatJustHappened]

So the ex who is harassing you..you don't want him back, right?

[Gottabestrong]

I understand why Crusty sent that email to her ex.

 

A few years ago I had an ex who dumped me, but still kept on contacting me. For a while I replied to him hoping it would lead to reconciliation, but when I realized it would not, I stopped replying and even changed my contact details.

 

Of course once I stopped replying he increased his contacts, he went from texts to emails and even calls in a span of a few days, leaving me ever more pressing messages about getting back to me and threatening that he would never contact me again if I did not reply. Of course the next day I received another message and when I ignored them as well he started contacting my family and friends.

 

He never was the scary type, but I was worrying that he might develop into a stalker, so I finally send him a short email stating in polite but firm terms that I don't want to be in contact with him anymore and that he should stop contacting me.

 

At the time I was reluctant to do it because I had a few weeks of No Contact under my belt, but looking back I think I made the right decision, because after my message he finally stopped contacting me. And I had a feeling that he would have shown up at my home or work next if I had not replied. And I really did not want that face-to-face confrontation.

[Am4Real]

In your case you spelled it out clearly and meant it.

 

The OP's message is straight on the first sentence and then goes on to leave the door open to future contact as my previous post points out.

 

Therein lies the difference between your situations.

 

 

 

 

I understand why Crusty sent that email to her ex.

 

A few years ago I had an ex who dumped me, but still kept on contacting me. For a while I replied to him hoping it would lead to reconciliation, but when I realized it would not, I stopped replying and even changed my contact details.

 

Of course once I stopped replying he increased his contacts, he went from texts to emails and even calls in a span of a few days, leaving me ever more pressing messages about getting back to me and threatening that he would never contact me again if I did not reply. Of course the next day I received another message and when I ignored them as well he started contacting my family and friends.

 

He never was the scary type, but I was worrying that he might develop into a stalker, so I finally send him a short email stating in polite but firm terms that I don't want to be in contact with him anymore and that he should stop contacting me.

 

At the time I was reluctant to do it because I had a few weeks of No Contact under my belt, but looking back I think I made the right decision, because after my message he finally stopped contacting me. And I had a feeling that he would have shown up at my home or work next if I had not replied. And I really did not want that face-to-face confrontation.