Kaiten Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 So my ex gf broke up with me a month ago. And i did NC for a week. she texted me to "check on me" after a week. Since she contacted me, I tried talking to her to see if we could go on a date and she said we could. A few days later we talked again and i wanted to see if we could hangout. She said she would try but then cancelled and said another time. After a while i just wanted her back so i begged (I know i know, i need my ass whooped for that) The reason i begged is because i asked if she missed me and she said she did. And then i asked if she loved me and she said she did. So i figured "what the hell, might as well try beggin". I have talked to her since she declined my beg Anyways so now its been a month since we broke up. Past two weeks have been strict NC. No ANYTHING. So i have been seeing her at church and all. She doesnt look at me or speak to me AT ALL. When we are at church, she is lit up like a flare. What i mean is, she is all bouncy and exuberant now around her friends. She has a lot more energy and all and she looks like she is totally enjoying her life now that we broke up. It kinda hurts. But i know better. That girl has some pride on her and would never show it even if she were flat out miserable. In a way i feel like she's trying harder to portray this image when she is around me. So i was like "well, im not going to be showing her that i miss her then" ya know? So I was like when im at church im going to be happy and all. But i dont have but like 1 or 2 people that i talk to there and she has a group. Plus both her parents go there. I am an orphan so i dont get that privilege. She sings in the choir and everyone asks her to do a lot, so she has that feeling of significance there. Her extended family is super tight so she is always hanging around them. She wouldnt have to spend a second of her life alone if she didnt want to. On top of that, her parents are wealthy and take very good care of her. She could have whatever she asked for. And Im struggling to put my life together because it started off broken and its amazing that i have a level head on my shoulders despite all ive been through. (its important to note that while we were dating, her family embraced me and i really felt like i was a part of their family but now that its over i dont see too much of them and they never really bother with me now) Now dammit, im a cool guy, im funny, and girls say that i am great looking. But she has just too much support at church. She's got the homefield advantage there. As long as im there sitting around by myself while she laughs out loud to everything her friends say at a table next to me, she will see me as a loser probably. Im so much more than that. I believe that even i dont even realize the potential i have yet. But seeing her so happy and excited all the time hurts a lot. Especially since she wont talk to me at all or even look at me. It makes me feel like she never really loved me at all. Like she could just get over me like that. For a while that hurt my self-esteem, because now i didnt have her family to pal around with either. I was back to being totally alone. Its all good though. I just cant go to church. Whether she's trying extra hard or not, she's just got too much going for her there. Ive decided to stop going. I need to work on me and heal from this. What do you guys think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFriend Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 I think you have made a great decision not going. If you plan on going back you will need to wait a long while because seeing her will just reopen any healing you have done. I would look formanother church, but most ofmallmremember that god is understanding. As long as you have your faith god knows it. You don't need to prove to god (in my opinion) by going to church that you are great full. Be strong friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted April 3, 2013 Author Share Posted April 3, 2013 why thank you bro! Your username says it all, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
TearyEyedPride Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Don't worry, you're never alone. You have us here when you need us, and with your faith you have God all the time. You haven't let your past circumstances break you, so neither will this. It sucks but you make it through. Almost everyone in the world has experienced heartbreak and there are ALOT of survivors lol. Welcome to the club. I'd just say find another church, maybe a small one you can grow in and gain support there for yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Find another church. I understand you say you are a fun guy, good with girls all that, but do you feel like you are unfulfilled? The way you talk about her participation at church and how people ask her to help with things. Then you say you feel like she'll see you as a loser, that you are someone who has just not reached their potential. You loved her because she had positive traits you felt were lacking in yourself. Now that you are apart and see her on her own you can recognize those things you admired all the more. We always appreciate what we don't have, hey. Take some time to try and become that person who has met his potential. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 MMMMmmmm... Very perceptive WhoreyBull. Now that you mention it, i would like to feel important and a part of something bigger than myself. I want to be on a team of some kind where i play an important role. Im currently in the process of changing my life and fulfilling my dreams. And if i do i will live a life of significance. And thatd be awesome Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Find another church. I understand you say you are a fun guy, good with girls all that, but do you feel like you are unfulfilled? Its not that i feel unfulfilled. its just that i think im ready to meet that girl thats always going to be by my side and stick with me through and through. Know what i mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Thanks TearyEyedPride! Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 i have said this before ......the saddest thing in life is a clown.....i am one...i can laugh out loud push all and any pain i have down .......and pretend just for a while it isnt there, eventually though when i take my mascara off ,the eye shadow the eyeliner the blush.....i can be as sad as i want.....prefer others not to be around......sometimes if it gets too much i lose composure in public then i run and go somewhere else....walk find a room...and yeah have done it at church....something about being there can often strip me bare.......you said yourself she can hide, speaking from experience.....dont believe the surface hype or the laughter.......from the sounds of what you have posted about her she is a hider as far as you staying away from church, church isnt just about fellowship its about having that day to be close to god......to worship him with reverence......i have someone i am interested in church.ge wasnt interested in me....he goes....he is never rude to em or anything....for the most part..i am a newbie my family hardly ever go with me , sometimes they do , i still go, he is well liked and also a gentleman though so its manageable....i dont go there for him ....i go because that one day is my favorite day i take the sacremant and i let god know i love him and apologise profusely for saying ***** if i let slip during the week.....thats the reason i go to church,because i know i should go , god wants me too, any thing else is bonus....met some wonderful people......and i am shy .......they accept me i accept them...i dont care who likes who more....pointless exercise......i go because i love going.......its a peaceful day to me...you have to make up your own mind......if you arent happy with the church dont go do what makes you feel right and happy....dont make it about her........i wish you all the best ...god bless....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 Hey deb. She can be so hard to read at times. I think i have accepted the fact that its over and my current mindset is that she's not coming back. You know i dont want to make it sound like she is a hider but i am starting to believe she is a major hider. She used to tell me how she covered everything up with a smile while she was at church. (I guess that is understandable) Whenever i ask her mom how my ex has been doing her mom always says "Great!".. and im like ok cool. Thats every time i ask about her. If i ask my ex she doesnt really want to reply but she always says she is doing well and happy. Its almost like their default response. And default responses are for Artificial Intelligences in my opinion. Of course i do understand her being unwilling to share with me if she were missing me a lot. My ex and I broke up over something that i said. At the time, my ex said that what i said didnt bother her. I asked was she sure and she said it didnt bother her at all, not even a little. Well come to find out when i talked to her mom after the breakup happened. that is made her go berserk!!!! she had snapped when she was away from me! So i know that she can hide things well. She had me totally convinced that it didnt bother her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Hey deb. She can be so hard to read at times. I think i have accepted the fact that its over and my current mindset is that she's not coming back. You know i dont want to make it sound like she is a hider but i am starting to believe she is a major hider. She used to tell me how she covered everything up with a smile while she was at church. (I guess that is understandable) Whenever i ask her mom how my ex has been doing her mom always says "Great!".. and im like ok cool. Thats every time i ask about her. If i ask my ex she doesnt really want to reply but she always says she is doing well and happy. Its almost like their default response. And default responses are for Artificial Intelligences in my opinion. Of course i do understand her being unwilling to share with me if she were missing me a lot. My ex and I broke up over something that i said. At the time, my ex said that what i said didnt bother her. I asked was she sure and she said it didnt bother her at all, not even a little. Well come to find out when i talked to her mom after the breakup happened. that is made her go berserk!!!! she had snapped when she was away from me! So i know that she can hide things well. She had me totally convinced that it didnt bother her at all. see i have stock standard responses, with a partner i am different but i must be artificial, because it common for me to say yep fine how about you to people who ask....including my mother......i dont burden people often with what i feel or think...a partner is not so lucky......they are my sounding board....i am open and honest for the most part, normally partners have read me anyway, I am pretty transparent with a partner I think there is more than hiding her feelings going on.......if she went beserk, seems rather natural to me that you would ask her mum how she was.......i dont think its right she should have reacted that way.and i am a hider..you care obviously she shoudl realize that and take it into consideration.......maybe there is something else going on....any indications while you were together????of deeper issues i mean....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 you care obviously she shoudl realize that and take it into consideration.......maybe there is something else going on....any indications while you were together????of deeper issues i mean....deb No deeper issues that i knew of. And she told me almost everything while we were together. And her family is always doing all right. I mean, no life is perfect but i realize that with such strong relationships throughout a good-sized family, the damage dealt by life's blows is significantly mitigated. It is apparent that neither of them want anything to do with me, also. All i can say is that if she still cared she wouldnt dare show it in the slightest. So i guess that makes all else irrelevant. I do know this: I dont think i will date someone with a strong family again. The feeling of being left behind. It awakens those feelings of betrayal that i felt for so long. I have to move on whether i want to or not Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts