mtnbiker3000 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Don't know why, but last night at about 2:30am, I sprang awake. And I immediately started thinking of the day before the last day I saw my ex. She was getting ready to go out and was wearing this tight fitting, light green dress. Her hair was all done up. Something I had rarely seen her do. Basically, looking like she was on 'the hunt'. And she did look good. Real good. She is very hot. Now, I don't know why, but for some reason, last night when I woke up and starting think about this day 2 weeks ago, my thoughts immediately turned to the fact that she is now out looking for men's attention and will be finding it, I am sure. She will be having sex with other men. She will have no trouble with this... I guess I never really thought about this for some reason. But I have hit a new low realizing that she wants to have attention and physical contact with a man (or several), but just not me any more. Ever. For some reason this is just slamming me right now, and I am lower than I have been in 2 months of LC and 15 days of NC. I feel completely devastated and destroyed. My mind is absolutely turning against me right now. Filling my thoughts with absolutely horrific visions of her at the club getting hit on. At her/his place flirting and making out. Then having sex. I just want this out of my head. It wasn't there before. Why now? This just plain sucks. Bad!! I guess maybe this is the final thought process to realizing it is completely over. I hope that's what it is. I don't see how anything I can think of now could be worse. Well, that's something I guess
OwlSoul Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Uh, for some reason, when I find out, that my ex is dating someone or is on the hunt, I start losing the interest immidietly. Happened with my current ex. I started being paranoiac because he started talking to his previous ex, so at one point just felt nothing about him. So I told him that I'm moving on. He replied that he is not happy with my decision, but he understands, and that he is not interested in anyone else. Okie... a day later, I called him and told I'm not ready to give up.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Just want to not have these thoughts. I want to focus on myself right now, but today has really been a new low...
cavalier99 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 We all go thru this. Imagine her getting nailed by new guy or guys every which way until your sick of it. Cry mourn lean into the pain and tell yourself IT IS OVER. this will help desensitize you. REALLY lean into the pain. Soon enough you wont care if she is getting gang banged by the entire football team! Cav
misswillow Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I've had random thoughts of my ex being with another woman, but I try to push them out. But today I realized that baseball opening day is coming soon, which he usually goes to, and I had this clear vision of him meeting someone there and one thing leading to another. I got very upset and panicky, and the thought of him kissing, cuddling, and having sex with another woman makes me physically ill.
garnettandblack84 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I feel your pain too man, I am right there with you. Her birthday was yesterday and I am just struggling to not think about her, or find her in every show i watch, it is driving me nuts. I am about 15 days NC too, and I know she already has a new bf so I have a face to think about with her and I just think about how happy she is. The thing is you have no idea how they are feeling or what they are doing. 99% of the time the stories in your head are fabrications that aren't true. Just have to truck through man and just feel the feelings and let them pass. We are all going through this stuff. GL
cavalier99 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Imagine the worst. Yes they are getting laid. Yes they love it. Yes they are in pure bliss with new person. Yes the dont miss you at all. Just say YES. accept this early on, puke, cry, ecetera but accept it and it will make the journey easier and shorter to recovery. Cav 5
GudDude2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 You know what I do when I have an ingrown fingernail? I wrap a rubber band around the tip of my finger causing a lot more pain than if I left it alone and tried to ignore it. I don't really think I like getting off on pain, but I notice that after letting it hurt to the point that I almost can't stand it I remove the rubberband , and lo and behold my ingrown nail doesn't hurt anymore. Instead of the medium pain lasting on and on, by making it an intense pain it cuts my healing time down noticeably. These vicious thoughts that play in your head that are causing you so much pain since they're there anyway maybe try messing with yourself and turn them up. Amplify them, it worked for me during my first heartbreak. I replayed images images of the woman I loved thoroughly enjoying herself with other men, and sent series after series of gut-wrenching pangs thru my heart, and whalaa, after awhile the pangs got duller and duller until they just didn't come anymore. My heart got harder as I grew to except it. I didn't ever believe that I could have reached that level of emotional maturity. Hence until this very day I have to work to get a pang even in my current break up. Don't get me wrong I still hurt, and what i'm going through is very painful, but it is a lot easier for me to surmise one of my mottoes for this ****, which is...."It's not about what she does, it's about what I do!" Sounds weird doesn't it? 3
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Mtnbiker, This is BY FAR the absolute worst part of the breakup, the ex with someone else. But as cav said, ITS ALL TRUE. GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD, AND THEN DROP IT! Don't allow your imagination to drive you insane, it will if you dwell on it. Sorry its just hitting you know. that sucks, and it can drive you mad. BUT, beyond the fact that those things are, and HAVE BEEN going on, you must remember that YOU WILL BE DOING THE SAME THINGS. And you won't look back at your ex anymore. Probably difficult to even imagine that at the moment. You gotta let go. I'm still working on that myself. 1
destroyed4sho Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I just saw my ex on dating website with her profile done and looking for a man of 25-35 for dating! plus I saw her online, maybe chatting with one of the new 'dates'. I feel so sick and feel like puking right now. For the love of christ, this was the same girl who told me that she is never going to look for anyone else and will end up living with her cat! oh the lies they tell you to make you fall in love and stay hooked Interesting...so she didnt leave you for someone else and has noone....and is online dating site. wth? What were her reasons for BU again??
Lost78 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Haven't you ever broken up with someone without having someone else lined up? I've broke things off because my heart just wasn't in the relationship before. There's usually not much more to it than that sometimes.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Not sure about everyone else on here, but I've never had anyone else lined up. Ever. Just not how I go about this game... And, I am almost positive my ex didn't either. Like you said, she just knew it wasn't right with us and seemed to be getting more so. So she just ended it. Nothing more, nothing less... Now moving forward, that's a different story, and I'm sure she will hook up soon if she hasn't already
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Haven't you ever broken up with someone without having someone else lined up? I've broke things off because my heart just wasn't in the relationship before. There's usually not much more to it than that sometimes. Yeah, I've never broken up and had someone else lined up. And to be honest, I've only had one woman do that to me.
js1967 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I wish I had something to tell you that would help make this part not suck as much as it does. I can say, I personally have gotten over my ex in a rather short period of time, moved on, I am Even seeing a nice new gal now , just to hang out with...still very nice though. I had the things your talking about haunt my head like crazy and it made me sick. All I can say is, I started focusing on all the negative things she did, tried to kinda make believe hate her and convince myself how bad she was for me. I just kept focusing on that. I dont know if thats proper or well founded, but it really helped me get over for the most part. And with that, I dont have those "is she having sex thoughts" anymore as I really do not care anymore, Im not saying start hatin' on her, Im just saying, It worked for me and I feel guilty I had to use hate as the partial cure to get over this awfulness.
Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 People who do that are usually pretty sick. they need help Actually its very common. Most of the posts on this site are people that got dumped because the ex met someone new while they were still dating. Maybe they don't sleep with them, although that is not uncommon either, they are at least talking/texting them. And most of the ones that THINK that the ex left for other reasons seem to find out there was someone else later on. I have done it and I had it done to me. Very common. If you don't believe it then I have some swamp land to sell you. Most ex's won't admit they started talking with someone new while they were still dating you. Its very common. They will lie and tell you they didn't meet them until later just to relieve their guilt. Even my ex who claimed to love me like crazy at the time of the BU blamed our BU on me not not moving fast enough to move in with her. All of a sudden she met a new guy two weeks after our BU. She admitted later she knew that guy for many years and he was from her home town. Hmmmm..... 1
Damsel in Distress Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Imagine the worst. Yes they are getting laid. Yes they love it. Yes they are in pure bliss with new person. Yes the dont miss you at all. Just say YES. accept this early on, puke, cry, ecetera but accept it and it will make the journey easier and shorter to recovery. Cav I do imagine this, and even though it's painful I do imagine it in very graphic detail - can't seem to help myself. Very painful when you believed they would never want anybody else but you. And yes it makes me want to puke. (almost as much as that dang Kevin Ware broken leg!!) Thanks for laying it out there, Cav and making us face the worst. And I have to imagine it's true - they finally had that difficult break-up conversation they had been working up to, finally rid of us, feeling alive and free and living life to the fullest. And somebody new is always exciting and intense.
youngnlove89 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Imagine the worst. Yes they are getting laid. Yes they love it. Yes they are in pure bliss with new person. Yes the dont miss you at all. Just say YES. accept this early on, puke, cry, ecetera but accept it and it will make the journey easier and shorter to recovery. Cav I have missed you CAV!!!
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