Jump to content

Light at the End of the Tunnel

mcdo

By mcdo,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share Followers 0

Recommended Posts

mcdo

mcdo

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hey guys, really long post ahead. But it's full of positivity! I think it's worth a read.

 

I haven't been here for a few weeks, the reason being that I'm more or less over the breakup. But I felt I owe this forum an update. Many other forumers here helped me in a big way when times were tough and I hope the majority of you have been making progress like I have.

 

So long story short I broke up with my first real love after 2.5 years back in November. I thought we were going to be together for life. For the first month I was OK (denial stage), thinking we would be back together in no time. And my God was I wrong. Around Xmas time I realised it was over for good and sank into that bottomless pit of depression and despair. I had no idea how I could get out of it.

 

Did I do anything wrong? Of course I did. I pleaded with her, tried to bargain with her, offered her the moon and the stars if she would just take me back. I went through the "text message terrorism" stage, which just pushed her further away. After that we settled into a strange system of messaging each other for 3 days, then going silent for 3 days, then back on again. It was hell. Absolute rollercoaster of terrible emotions. And I was effectively "friendzoned" while she moved on and got busy with other guys. A few months of that will tear any person apart.

 

However, while I was making these mistakes I was doing some things right as well:

1. I set about changing my life. Doing new things and meeting new people. A clean, fresh break. I moved into a new place with 3 people I never met before. Best thing I ever did. I got lucky, living with 3 really cool people and best of all none of them know my ex or know anything about her. She never gets brought up into conversation. Fantastic.

 

2. I joined the gym. I go 2-3 times a week and I now feel I've never been this fit in my life. For the first few weeks I was pounding away on the rowing machine thinking "Wait until she sees me in a few months". You eventually get over that and now I say "Wait until I see me in a few months". A very important difference.

 

3. I deleted her from my life. I unfriended her on Facebook (very important!), I deleted her number, every text message, emails, email addresses, every single form of contact.

 

4. I stopped talking about her. I made a conscious effort to avoid bringing her up in conversation. And as I stopped mentioning her, so did everybody else.

 

5. I never lost sight of the fact that I live a great life. When I was together with my ex I felt like I had taken life on in a fight and I won. I had degrees, a great job, play in a cool band, had the stunning girlfriend, a billion friends, everything a 25 year old could ever ask for. I lost the girl BUT I still have all of that other great stuff. It was important to realise that I only lost 1 piece of that jigsaw. And just because 1 aspect was gone, it didn't make the rest any less important.

 

6. I sought out loads of things to do. I booked holidays, bought tickets for concerts, big sports events, weekends away, etc. I believed if I was still in that rough patch these things would help me through. What has happened is that I'm happy again... and now I have all these great things lined up for me to enjoy! Spending a weekend with a girl (we're just friends... for now :p) in 3 weeks' time, a holiday to Barcelona in May, a weekend away to London, a whole ton of concerts. Awesome.

 

So where am I now? I'm in a really good place. I'm finally cool with things, comfortable being on my own and finally enjoying each day as it comes. There was a point in time where I had to leave my desk at work for 20 minutes each day to go out to my car and cry. Now? I go to work and I, well, work! She's not on my mind every single second like she used to be.

 

My friends have been fantastic too, keep in touch with yours. Your true friends will emerge in your toughest times. They will talk to you, they will listen to you, they will make sure to invite you to things, they will party with you. And they will take your ex down off that damn pedestal and make you realise that your ex is not all that much.

 

And it's funny, I can pinpoint the day I realised I was finally OK. There was a noticeable change from one day to the next. Like, a VAST change from one state of mind to the other (I don't know if that's normal). I went on a weekend holiday a few weeks ago, met a bunch of relatives, went to see my favourite band ever, partied every night... and I was depressed the entire time. It was awful, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I remember sitting in the airport driving myself crazy rethinking everything over and over.

 

Later that week I was home and I played a gig with my band. We got a great turnout and a very positive response. My cool new housemates all came and enjoyed it. The following day I was at work, hungover like hell and it hit me - I hadn't thought about her all day. She didn't enter my mind for hours, possibly not since the previous day. This was a marked change from the 20 minute crying spells out in my car. And from then on I just stopped thinking about her. Finally.

 

The following Monday I got a breadcrumb from her. Pointless contact filled with nonsense. I deleted it straght away.

 

The next day I got another breadcrumb. I deleted it straight away. A point was being made and she noticed.

 

No Contact was fully implemented and we went silent for about 4 weeks. There was absolutely no form of contact. And I had a blast! I really started enjoying myself all of a sudden. I was just cool being me and being on my own. Nights out with friends were great all of a sudden.

 

Then this weekend happened. And it has been absolutely fantastic! I was at a house party on Friday night and lo and behold I got a text from my ex. More pointless drivel again, about a song she liked or some crap. 4 weeks of silence and a text about a song? I deleted it straight away. And within 10 minutes I was making out with a girl in the kitchen! Success in every way, shape and form. I met the girl again on Saturday and there was plenty more kissing.

 

Will I keep meeting this girl? I don't know, probably not! But I'm absolutely over the moon that I'm back out there and finding success.

 

You can too.

 

I realise it is a long post but I hope some of you can take positives from my story and see that you too will find a way out. Never, ever lose hope. Stay optimistic and treasure all of the other positive things in your life. If you lack positive influences then go out and get some. Do new things, meet new people. You only have one life, make the most of it. Don't let someone else dominate your life and take it over for their own needs. YOU call the shots.

 

Hope this has been of some help to you all. Bye for now.

Edited by mcdo
more info
  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites
NoLeafClover

NoLeafClover

Posted
Posted

"Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel...

 

...Is just a freight train coming your way"

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mcdo

mcdo

Posted
  • Author
Posted
That is awesome! Thanks for coming back and sharing with those of us who are in the "storm".

 

No problem. I'll be honest I stopped coming to this site as I was finding that reading other people's stories was stirring old emotions. But then I felt quite guilty that I got so much from this forum and didn't stick around to give back. I hope my long post above will help others to stay positive.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mcdo

mcdo

Posted
  • Author
Posted
"Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel...

 

...Is just a freight train coming your way"

 

I bloody well hope Metallica have got that one wrong!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 0
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...