lastresort Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 she broke up with me 2 weeks ago. She talks to me every day on the phone. For hours on end. She says she doesn't want a relationship at this point. I don't get why she still wants to talk to me everyday, i love it cause i feel i still have a shot. Yesterday her best friend called me and talked to me for an hour and a half about it. She told me she thinks we will get back together, i told her i doubt it. Most all her girlfriends have contacted me and told me the same thing. How should i act to get her back. Thank you ahead of time.
Amelie1980 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Why doesn't she want a relationship at this point?
Author lastresort Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 I had taken care of her and her son for the past 1.5 +years. She was able to start going back to school. Now she says she wants to get a job and be able to support her and her son with out any ones help. She moved back to her parents house. She has 100% custody of her son and i was paying for everything so she didnt have to work and she could go to school. She called me last night trying to make a resume and she couldnt figure it out. She wants to be BEST FRIENDS
Thunderchild Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I had taken care of her and her son for the past 1.5 +years. She was able to start going back to school. Now she says she wants to get a job and be able to support her and her son with out any ones help. She moved back to her parents house. She has 100% custody of her son and i was paying for everything so she didnt have to work and she could go to school. She called me last night trying to make a resume and she couldnt figure it out. She wants to be BEST FRIENDS Look up the phrase "Cake Eater". She wants all your support and help without making any commitment to you.
Amelie1980 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I'm sorry but it sounds sd if she was using you as a bank account to support her until she got a job. 1
Author lastresort Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Thanks for advice. Cake eater I get... lol As for bank account, we had more than that. we were friends for 15 years before we both went through bad divorces and ended up meeting again about 2 years ago. We moved our families in together. I just screwed up and got drunk and acted very bad in front of her son, no abuse, just the worst argument we ever had. She was married to a drunk/druggy so she didnt want to stay in our relationship. We were great friends before we started dating. Just dont know why she would still want to talk for hours on end if she doesnt want a relationship me.
Author lastresort Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 something just hit me. I think she gets depressed at night and wants to talk to me. Then like right now, in the morning, she is hard and will say we shouldnt talk so much cause she knows that i want us back together so bad and she doesnt want to lead me on. Maybe I am just thinking too much into this crap!!! 1
Amelie1980 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Because of your history she still wants to talk.
Author lastresort Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Maybe it is too soon to try and be friends. I am trying hard to not damage the kids in this situation. I love her son like mine. I just pray that she will see the changes and the choices i am making. She is an amazing women and very strong headed. In the end I know she knows what she is doing to me by talking and she even says she feels bad that she may be leading me on by trying to keep the kids together. UGH why cant life be easy!!!
na49 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Of course she wants to be friends! You're not a bad guy. You supported her in a relationship. well... she doesn't want a relationship, but you wouldn't mind supporting her as her "best friend". right? also when girls use the word "best friend" I want to throw up. My ex told me we should be best friends. She also told me I wasn't her best friend while she was breaking up with me and that the guy she cheated on me with is her best friend. A look at her facebook two days ago.. she has some new best friends. Does the term "best friend" have any meaning anymore? I know who my best friends are, but I don't have one "go to guy" who is above and beyond better than everyone else.
GudDude2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Well, I get your situation, and I will explain why your falling for the trap. Her talking to you for hours on end is her stringing you along, and forcing you into a comfort zone. In essence she is your ex, but has relegated you to the role of friend. "Friend" is the word of death even if she hasn't used it. The fact that she's already stated that she doesn't want the relationship is a deal breaker. She's getting all the conversation, support, understanding, etc. Without any commitment. Let me put it like this, as long as you continue to entertain what she wants without her giving you what you want (a legitimate second chance) you are grooming her for someone else. What happened to the dude she left you for? Trust me if he's not still in the picture then when she is ripe and ready it will be all for the next dude, and you buddy will be placed on the back burner. You have agreed and told her that this is fine and this is where you want to be. You have said that your perfectly ok with waiting in the wings until she is solid enough to move on to the next guy. All her girlfriends talking to you about it is reinforcing this. With her emergency back up plan in place (YOU) she is free to explore all and any other options that make themselves available. This being your first love and all I already know your not going to have the strength or fortitude to do what's necessary. You need to force her hand. You need to shock her into realizing that being back with you is the best option, or even only option by withdrawing the comfort of her back up plan. There is no back up plan! There is no safety net waiting to catch her if she fails or falls! This is it! Either you want it or not! You will do the opposite. You will tenaciously pursue any and all hope, false or not, of getting her back with your brand of persuasion I.e. work it out, talk it out, figure it out.....oohhh baby please. She may convince you that your pleas aren't falling on deaf ears, but just like that she will be gone with just a little attention from someone new. Why? Because she knows, and all her girlfriends will remind her that the back up plan (YOU) is securely in place and isn't going anywhere until it's no longer needed. Love can bring the strongest man to his knees, and if you were Samson himself I don't believe you could stick to NC. If you were to say to her, "Enough of this bull****, call me when you've decided what you want. I'm not waiting around either. If you don't want the relationship then just leave me the **** alone. I'm trying to get over your ass, and don't have your friends calling me either." You might just get what you want as harsh as it may sound. Good luck! Chances are you'll get back together, maybe all on her terms until it's over again. 2
Damsel in Distress Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Excellent, excellent post, Good Dude. I wanted to say some of those same things but couldn't find a gentle way to say it. Thank you for just laying it all out there. That's exactly how it is.
OJ loved Nicole Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 She wants to be BEST FRIENDS You'll only be friends until she finds someone new.... but you don't want to be friends anyway. You- I'll stick around until she realizes what she's missing and wants me back. Her- I'll keep him around, lean on him until I don't need him anymore. "The healthy male"- I never entered into this relationship with the hope of being friends, that has never and will never change. If (in your eyes) I am no longer good enough to be in a relationship with, you (in my eyes) are no longer good enough to be in my life. I'm not going to wait around like a puppy dog waiting for you to make up your mind, or choose me. 2
Darren Steez Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I had taken care of her and her son for the past 1.5 +years. She was able to start going back to school. Now she says she wants to get a job and be able to support her and her son with out any ones help. She moved back to her parents house. She has 100% custody of her son and i was paying for everything so she didnt have to work and she could go to school. She called me last night trying to make a resume and she couldnt figure it out. She wants to be BEST FRIENDS It's called the FRIENDZONE It's a funny place, one minute warm and comfortable, the next cold and lonely. It's a place were perceptions change depending which view you're looking from. One may see the love of his life, tantalizing close, almost within fingers reach.. While she sees a friend who used to be a lover, going further and further away. You've been friendzoned. You think you have a shot, you think you're staying close being a great guy by being Mr Understanding and Mr Guy she can call anytime she wants and talk to everything about, but you don't If you listened to her the first time you wouldn't be in this position. You're in limbo, she is not. She told you she doesn't want a relationship and she cut you off physically and emotionally. She's made that decision, in her head and heart she's made that distinction that she has told you "No relationship" and you understood, so what happens from here on in, is friendship. Heck she even told you she wants to be best friends!! You didn't listen the first time and you're not listening now because you heard what you wanted to hear then dismissed it like she was confused. She said no relationship, you said I still want it, maybe I have a shot. So when she finally gets with another dude, don't be shocked, and don't be angry with her for leading you on, because she made it clear, you just didn't listen. You don't want to be friends with her, you still want her. She doesn't want you like that. What's the solution? You seem like a smart guy, try to work it out. Good luck. 1
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