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Haven't been single for 7 years and so hard to accept it

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Old 21st March 2013, 1:42 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 23
Haven't been single for 7 years and so hard to accept it

Hi everyone. My apologies if this ends up being so long but any advice is welcome. Just need some perspective about contacting my ex.

I've been in a relationship for 7 years. First 2 years were long distance, next 2 years my boyfriend transferred to my university and then he moved back for grad school and we broke up for another 2 years. While we were together he would act distant when it came to sex. We had lots of fights about it because I felt insecure. After we broke up we stayed friends because I had hopes wed get back together. 2 years pass, I meet someone and move on and he wants me back because he's realized his mistake. We talk everyday, all day- even when we broke up. We've been trying things out for a second time and it's been 7 months and things are the same as before- very non committal despite the fact that we always talk throughout the day. We're each others best friends but it seems like he has a hard time integrating me into his life as anything more.
Recently I broke up with him because for the last 3 months we've been having fights because I feel a lack of passion. He's going on a trip to Hawaii with his friends from school and I've not met them and he feels weird inviting me because no one else is bringing their significant other. I tried telling him that the others don't only get to see their bf/gf once every 3-4 months and I'm sure they'd understand if he at least asked. He's stubborn and didnt seem like he didnt want to consider it so I offered a break up which he took without hesitation and said "I have no motivation to put in effort when I feel like you'll still fight with me". I tried to tell him that wouldn't be the case if I was made to feel like a real gf but he's very sure of himself.

It's been a week without contact and I'm still hurting. I'm very attached to him and I know he's attached to me as well. We've been through this twice and I feel sad that we tried again to just break up again. Is it worth it to call him now and try to explain myself more calmly because I realize sometimes I don't express myself very well. He's so reserved and stubborn I fear that he'll never contact me but I know a week is still soon.

Thoughts? Again, any advice is appreciated.
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Old 21st March 2013, 1:47 PM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Working on a clear blue summer sky, at BuddhaDhammaSangha
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