maylis Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) Hello....we broke up 2 march. no contact at all from either one of us. my question is, since he didn't delete me and i didnt delete him, what is appropriate? i mean its not considered contact if im just liking (other peoples profiles or pages obviously) or updating my status and stuff lke that even tho he can see it, right? like i dont have to completely disappear, right? otherwise i deleted all our photos. its quite hard, i really thought id hear from him. we were together 10 months, we just got back from a trip to italy (which was my xmas gift to him). he told me he loved me the night we got back and 5 days later he is breaking up with me. he said its cos he cant offer me what i want in a relationship and that i am always unhappy. things have been a bit shakey lately with this situation with his ex gf (they were together 9 years, apart for 3, he dumped her. its just that she is very cold to me and unfortunately we had to see her all the time so it was not comfortable for me). and then just random stressful things for me that had nothing to do with our relationship (just work, apartment hunting etc). anyway, he was acting very cold with me the rest of the week after we got back from italy and finally saturday afternoon i get the 'we need to talk' text. but he made me wait 6 HOURS just to get it over with , cos he just HAD to go with his friend to her tattoo appointment...unreal. and i was only at his place maybe 15 min maximum. he told me, he told me his reasons and i started packing my stuff. he was very upset and said dont i even want to talk? i said what is there to talk about, you dont want to work this out with me right? he said its not that he doesnt, just that he thinks it wont do anything cos he isnt well and im not well. i continued packing my things and was heading out the door and he ran over and said am i just going to leave mad like that and if he could have a hug? i didnt give him one, but i asked if he still loved me, he replied he didnt know and i said whatever and that was it. i feel like im still in shock at times. Edited March 15, 2013 by maylis
AlisaMarie Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Hello....we broke up 2 march. no contact at all from either one of us. my question is, since he didn't delete me and i didnt delete him, what is appropriate? i mean its not considered contact if im just liking (other peoples profiles or pages obviously) or updating my status and stuff lke that even tho he can see it, right? like i dont have to completely disappear, right? otherwise i deleted all our photos. its quite hard, i really thought id hear from him. we were together 10 months, we just got back from a trip to italy (which was my xmas gift to him). he told me he loved me the night we got back and 5 days later he is breaking up with me. he said its cos he cant offer me what i want in a relationship and that i am always unhappy. things have been a bit shakey lately with this situation with his ex gf (they were together 9 years, apart for 3, he dumped her. its just that she is very cold to me and unfortunately we had to see her all the time so it was not comfortable for me). and then just random stressful things for me that had nothing to do with our relationship (just work, apartment hunting etc). anyway, he was acting very cold with me the rest of the week after we got back from italy and finally saturday afternoon i get the 'we need to talk' text. but he made me wait 6 HOURS just to get it over with , cos he just HAD to go with his friend to her tattoo appointment...unreal. and i was only at his place maybe 15 min maximum. he told me, he told me his reasons and i started packing my stuff. he was very upset and said dont i even want to talk? i said what is there to talk about, you dont want to work this out with me right? he said its not that he doesnt, just that he thinks it wont do anything cos he isnt well and im not well. i continued packing my things and was heading out the door and he ran over and said am i just going to leave mad like that and if he could have a hug? i didnt give him one, but i asked if he still loved me, he replied he didnt know and i said whatever and that was it. i feel like im still in shock at times. I still don't understand how relationships can just end like that... so fast and not a strong enough warning sign to be prepared. Then he wants a hug??? Did he really think you weren't going to be mad about the sudden breakup? Right after an all expense paid trip to italy? I would have deleted him from fb that night! Having him on your newfeed is just dragging on your curiosity about his life without you. DELETE.
Author maylis Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 I still don't understand how relationships can just end like that... so fast and not a strong enough warning sign to be prepared. Then he wants a hug??? Did he really think you weren't going to be mad about the sudden breakup? Right after an all expense paid trip to italy? I would have deleted him from fb that night! Having him on your newfeed is just dragging on your curiosity about his life without you. DELETE. I don't understand how they can either Anyway, I didnt want to stick around and talk, I never get the point of that. I can't and shouldn't have to convince someone to want to work things out with me, that isn't how love works. I'm so sad though, I really thought he would contact me.
AlisaMarie Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I don't understand how they can either Anyway, I didnt want to stick around and talk, I never get the point of that. I can't and shouldn't have to convince someone to want to work things out with me, that isn't how love works. I'm so sad though, I really thought he would contact me. I understand your sadness... and you are doing the right thing by venting here. It hurts, but won't forever. You got it right! You never plead for someone that doesn't want you- so him wanting a hug and to talk was just selfish. You def did the right thing be going away. Now keep away and find someone awesome to take on nice trips! <3
A n t h o n y Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Delete / block. You'll thank yourself later I promise.
Author maylis Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 But what if we can work it out and get back together? THen it would be weird that I deleted him. For now I have unsubscribed to he and all our mutual friends.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 But what if we can work it out and get back together? THen it would be weird that I deleted him. For now I have unsubscribed to he and all our mutual friends. No delete him. Do it....because he doesn't show up on the news feed doesn't mean you won't check all the time. It delays the healing process.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 But what if we can work it out and get back together? THen it would be weird that I deleted him. For now I have unsubscribed to he and all our mutual friends. Ask yourself, how are you going to feel if he decides to post a pic of himself and a new woman? Maybe even kissing? Are you ready for that? Block/fdelete or deactivate the account. For the time being anyway. Like some of the others say, it will only set you back. TFOY
Author maylis Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Ask yourself, how are you going to feel if he decides to post a pic of himself and a new woman? Maybe even kissing? Are you ready for that? Block/fdelete or deactivate the account. For the time being anyway. Like some of the others say, it will only set you back. TFOY He doesnt post pictures of the people he dates, he's really shy about that kind of stuff. He didn't even do that with me and we were together almost a year.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 He doesnt post pictures of the people he dates, he's really shy about that kind of stuff. He didn't even do that with me and we were together almost a year. Not fer nothin... Just because he didn't do it before, doesnt mean it wont do it now. So many things can happen to affect your mood during these times - why take the chance? If you dont want to come off as offensive, just send him a msg to delete/block you. Why do people put so much stock in FB. Its a wasteland of crap anyway. TFOY
Minneloa Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 OP, You might think that deleting him on FB isn't necessary, but I urge you to consider it as a symbolic step in letting go. Right now, your focus needs to be on taking care of yourself and healing from the emotional blow of the break-up. I know it is very difficult, but try not to dwell on the "what ifs" of reconciliation right now. This can seriously hinder your ability to move forward. M.
hello1990 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Delete him for sure if you still have feelings of attachment (which you do). Ive always seen 'blocking' someone as a bit harsh, as when you delete them you cant see or check their stuff anyway. But it really doesn't matter, you just do whatever you need to do really to move on and what makes you feel comfortable. I suspect that there may be something involving his ex going on here. It just all seems a bit convenient.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 But what if we can work it out and get back together? THen it would be weird that I deleted him. For now I have unsubscribed to he and all our mutual friends. This is the real reason you won't delete him. You're still holding out hope that he'll see the light and come back around. Unfortunately, the odds are overwhelmingly against you. You need to begin the healing process, and you can't begin to do so until you completely let go of him. That includes deleting him as a FB friend. 1
Minneloa Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 This is the real reason you won't delete him. You're still holding out hope that he'll see the light and come back around. Unfortunately, the odds are overwhelmingly against you. You need to begin the healing process, and you can't begin to do so until you completely let go of him. That includes deleting him as a FB friend. Boom. False hope will wreak havoc with your mind & keep you waiting, wishing, and wondering.
js1967 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 A general broadbrush observation here. I think some people use facebook as a tool or weapon against each other. It is pretty horrible. As hard as it was to do, I blocked my ex and everyone that she is possibly associated with. Side note...Is it fair to say that women like to post photos of themselves with their boyfriends over guys who do not post them or dont post them as much? it never appealed to me to post photos of us together. That may be one of the combined reasons she left me. Hummmmmmm.
NoLeafClover Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I need to find me a girl who is willing to tag along with me to italy..let alone take me there. GF don't break NC and remove him from FB
mcdo Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 It may seem senseless now but deleting is the best thing you can do. Facebook is like a torture experiment after a break-up. The longer you can see what your ex is doing, the worse it will get.
Author maylis Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Two weeks today since break up and no contact, I feel so weak. Even though I don't feel like contacting him I still keep wishing he will contact me and realize what a good girlfriend I was to him.
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