A wolf in sheep’s clothing

[fall guy]

Just a little venting going on here.

 

Our marriage was a rocky start, but I failed to see (or ignored) the signs in the beginning. She didn’t want to work, had money problems, and she slept a lot….and I mean A LOT. She had some anger issues, but nothing I thought was too out of control.

 

But then she got arrested for shoplifting about 3 or 4 years into our marriage while she had our son with her. She denied the shoplifting and I wrote it off as some kind of misunderstanding. She was never charged with a crime. I was a little distraught by this, but got over it.

 

Then came the second half of our 16 year marriage……….

 

First, she gets arrested again for shoplifting. Again, she has our kids with her. Again, she denies it. Again, she doesn’t get charged. She says it was some kind of mistake. I go see a counselor and talk to her about it. Eventually the wife gets together with her and they decide it really was some kind of mistake.

 

Okay…well I don’t know what to say now. It seems odd, but maybe it’s possible.

 

Then about a year later…BOOM. She gets arrested again. Again, she has the kids and again, she denies everything. And yet again, she doesn’t get charged. Okay, now I’m NOT happy. I force her to go see a counselor, which is short-lived. She’s furious that I could even think that she has a problem.

 

Then later that year, she gets fired from her nursing job. But she tells me she doesn’t know why.

 

Then about a year later, a police officer knocks on the door. Turns out her and another friend keyed a car.

 

Then the next year she gets fired again from your nursing job. This time it’s for stealing painkillers. Again, she denies everything, but she’s forced into a program for nurses who abuse drugs and alcohol.

 

She doesn’t work for the next two years....in fact she REFUSES to even though I disagree. She spends her time alternating between taking naps and sitting in the hottub. She does cook most of the time and do laundry, but the house doesn’t get clean and NO yard work is done.

 

Then last year I find out she has been sexting a man she met in a bar…1200+ times in three weeks. Again, she denies anything going on between them. According to her, it was just “conversation.” But after three months of marriage counseling and denying everything, I break into her iTunes backup and retrieve about 50 messages. Turns out she was aggressively trying to meet a married man for a sexual rendezvous! Whether or not it happened remains debatable. This is while she is unemployed, suspended from nursing and while I was at work supporting her and our family!

 

Again, she takes responsibility for NOTHING. She says everything is a misunderstanding. All she does is blames, denies, justifies and lies about everything! Our counselor is so distraught by her that he ends our counseling altogether, he tells me “It’s not working.”

 

Okay…I’m really unhappy at this point. I ask for a divorce two months ago. I go on the roller coaster all the emotions and I start second-guessing myself…feeling guilty. Maybe she is really innocent of everything. Maybe I am the heartless bastard she says I am.

 

I go to our marriage counselor about a month ago and he tells me basically that she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. If I stay in this relationship, he’ll continue to be our counselor, but the same bizarre behavior and manipulation will continue regardless. What a wake-up call.

 

Then last weekend, I notice two really nice pullover jackets in her closet with price tags still on them. I take them back to the store and reaffirm the fact they were stolen merchandise.

 

I ask her about it and she literally tears me apart!! “I can’t believe you would think that!! What is wrong with you!?!” She wakes me up at 1:00 in the morning cursing at me telling me that I’m a f@#cking a-hole and that she can’t live like this anymore.

 

I let her continue on her rampage, but the next day I tell her I know the truth..I took the stolen goods back. Again, she had our son with her.

 

I can’t do this anymore…we’re divorcing. She kinda sorta admits taking the jackets, but still denies the other shoplifting arrests! HOLY COW! REALLY!

 

I’ve had her see therapists and she convinces each and every one that these are all just coincidental occurrences, but the truth is that she’s a wreck. She’s written 40 bad checks in the past two years alone, and she just got fired again from her nursing job a few weeks ago…3rd time in as many jobs.

 

Holy crap I feel stupid. Just wanted to step in here and vent a little bit. Sorry.

[geegirl]

I can't imagine your children being witness to her behaviors. Dragging them around the store shoplifting. Are you fighting for sole custody?

[KatZee]

She has some very severe, and very deep psychological problems. Unfortunately for you, there's nothing you can do. It's about time you're pulling the plug on this sham of a marriage. Unless SHE sees that she's doing something wrong, this will only continue and get worse. She doesn't think she has a problem and I'm assuming it will only be when she self-destructs once she's on her own will she start taking things a bit more seriously.

 

I can't for the life of me see how this woman is a fit mother. What are you doing about custody? The fact that she takes your kids on every shop lifting excursion she goes on is horrifying. She probably exploits them, and uses them to get away with what she does. This is NO environment for kids to grow up in because they will wind up growing up thinking this is OK behavior.

[Mack05]

Fall guy look up the term Borderline Personality Disorder (http://www.bpdfamily.com/tools/articles.htm) and see if it rings a bell. I'm seeing a lot of red flags and symptoms here, that are consistent with her behaviour.

 

It is a very grey area so don't be quick to diagnose her, but it might help you understand what is behind her erratic/inconsistent behaviour..

[destroyed4sho]

I think that first get away from that horrible therapist. A therapist should.never call a patient a wolf in sheeps clothing.....very unprofessional. Obviously he cant even properly diagnose her but resorts to name calling.

Your wife seems to be a thief and a liar. She maybe suffering from a personality disorder and /or could be a clepto. She also is abusing perscription.medicine. She.needs help regardless if you leave her for good or not,at least for the saje of your kids.

She doesnt seem to he happy. Was she ever happy?

Sounds like a long break may be in order...possibly to give her sometime to work on herself and get the therapy she needs.

[spice4life]

Wow, you need to remove yourself AND your kids from this crazy situation. Her lack of remorse is down right scary. You should Google sociopaths and there's a good book called the "Sociopath Next Door". There is absolutely nothing you can do because she obviously lacks empathy and remorse. And forget about sending her to counseling because it will only make her WORSE. She will use it to sharpen her skills and really start to manipulate you! That's why the counselor said there is no hope because there isn't. Sociopaths are good at mimicing good behaviors to make themselves look innocent while everyone else around them goes crazy. All of their good qualities are mimiced because they do not have the ability to feel.

[Coping Vortex]

Fall guy look up the term Borderline Personality Disorder (T1 How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves) and see if it rings a bell. I'm seeing a lot of red flags and symptoms here, that are consistent with her behaviour.

 

It is a very grey area so don't be quick to diagnose her, but it might help you understand what is behind her erratic/inconsistent behaviour..

 

Bingo. I had ex with the same thing.