how can I get over my ex

[Samsneaky]

My ex and I broke up about 18 months ago. It was a good relationship, however in the end post college she chose the career (half way across the country) over the relationship. And, I honestly don't recall whom broke it off me or her.

 

The last time we spoke or had any type of contact was in January of 2012, she called me to wish me a happy birthday, and I answered the phone...like a moron. It was a polite conversation which I found to be flirtatious towards the end.

 

After much discussion with friends both male and female. I decided to book a flight & hotel to go see her, and tell her in person that I was serious about the relationship.

 

I then called her to tell her my plans. This is where it got pretty ugly. She said that she was shocked, not creeped out just shocked. She then went on to say that she had never planned on seeing me again once she left florida. (which is nonsense she'd texted me after saying "I love you" etc..).

 

She also said during this conversation, "we never knew each other in the dating world post college, I don't want to feel obligated to date you" at this point I lost my temper I was hurt, I screamed at her and said "don't ever call me again, trust me you won't want to here what I have to say" her response was "just tell me (voice trembling)" and I said "no have a great life, hope it all works out for you" and, that was the last time we ever spoke. That was over a year ago.

 

This was a really good relationship prior to her leaving. I was good to her, polite, respectful, never laid a hand on her, I brought her to friends weddings, I honestly felt she was the one, and we had spoken of marriage right before she left.

 

I've done everything you are supposed to do after a painful breakup, I've destroyed all photographs, gave gifts away, anything that reminded her of me I removed from my life, I don't go to places we used to go, I've dated girls, I kept myself busy, I even went to a female therapist for six months to get over my hatred of her post breakup.

 

Despite all of this, not one day has gone by where I haven't thought of her, it's terrible. I've had three somewhat serious relationships post her that have all ended for a large part because of my ex I'm all worked up about.

 

My most recent was this weekend when my girlfriend of the past five months, and I got way to drunk this weekend (I just finished my thesis for grad school) and I told my newest ex-gf that I was still in love with my ex that I haven't talked to for over a year.

 

I don't what to do, this is plaguing my life. Does anyone have any ideas as to how to get over this relationship? It's sick, I really feel it's like mental disease or almost like a drug addict. I don't want to miss her anymore, I just wish I could delete her from my memory.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions, and thanks to anyone who read all of this I truly appreciate it.

[TaraMaiden]

Have you had bereavement counselling?

 

Seriously.

This is like not being able to get over someone's passing - made worse by the fact that they're still very much alive.

[Samsneaky]

negative I have not even thought about that. It's just become a part of my life. I try and stay super busy to not think about her. the only time I don't think about her is when I'm initially talking to a new girl.

 

then I wind up getting bored with the new girl and start thinking about my ex. My mother, sister, and some of my friends have accused me of being a womanizer after my ex and I split.

 

I just want to forget about her so much.

[TaraMaiden]

Well don't you think it might help if you did?

The fact that she's a part of your life - does not bode well for future relationships, if you can't shift and move on.

You're self-sabotaging, because clearly, there's something you can't get over.

 

Seek counselling.

 

Why not, eh?

[purplereigncb]

I hope all goes well op. I see that what affected you the most is the fact that the relationship had no clear flaws. It all ended for what you perceive to be the wrong reasons. It seems to me you just want a second shot at this girl to prove to yourself that you were right for each other.

[Samsneaky]

I have gotten therapy. And, still talk to my therapist from time to time. The reason it honestly ended was we met at the wrong time in life. It was honestly star crossed lovers. I was going into grad school, she was still an undergrad. She landed a job right out of college, I went to grad school.

 

As I said, the reason the relationship ended was she took a career 1500 miles from home. I didn't want to leave my friends and family. She didn't really have too many close friends, and her family situation was really a factor for her.

 

Yes, I suppose i'd like a "second shot" but I really have not had any intentions of trying to make any contact with her.

 

It's not that I don't want to talk to her. I just don't think anything productive would come from a conversation with her. I've debated e-mailing her for closure sake. But, it's still a year of no contact and I still think of her it sucks.