A little story of a breakup and what happened after.... !

[lamaga]

I will try to keep this as short as possible, but hope to get some uplifting words here from you guys and maybe some advice.

THIS IS A VERY DETAILED STORY! Don't condemn me for it... Maybe you will even enjoy it. I just hope someone can give me some feedback.

 

 

My (ex)-boyfriend and me are both European. We met 2 years ago in NY, where we were neighbors. We were friends, I was in a relationship, he was in a bad place.

He moved back to Europe. We started writing on the internet February 2012 and skyped quickly, fell in love, and went 4 months LDR until we finally met again in June 2012. We spent all summer together in Europe, then I moved in with him in September. Then we lived together for 4 months.

 

January 2013 I had to go to NY for 2 months. It was hard on us, because we spent so much time together before and we were scared of what it would be like to be apart for 8 weeks.

 

It went ok. We went through it. It wasn't as bad as we thought it would be. or at least that's what I thought.

 

2 days (!) before I was supposed to fly back to him, he broke up with me on the phone. He said he got a job offer in India starting in May and it would be a project that would go for at least 6 months, maybe longer. He said this offer helped him make a decision, that he can't make this commitment right now with me.

 

We were so in love. Very happy together too. He even said I made him very happy, and this is nothing about me, just him having to figure some things out, him wanting to be alone for a while.

 

The thing is, when I was gonna go back, I was gonna move to a different city, about 50 minutes from where he lived, so we wouldn't have lived together anymore, and would have started a new life, more independent both of us, but still, it would have been a new path, and he said he was scared of that. He said he needed to get away for a bit again, it's his wanderlust, before he could built something with me.

 

 

Then, I asked if he would pick me up from the airport still (I was gonna stay with him for 4 days, then take a 6 hour train to my parents.). He said he couldn't come, seeing me would be too difficult.

 

So we ended that phone break up conversation after 1,5 hours. I didn't make a scene at any point. I just told him he was making a mistake and that I understand where he is coming from but that I thought it was unfair that he was doing it the way he was doing it.

 

I talked to his roommate's girlfriend the next day (she is one of my close friends) and she told me she was gonna talk to him. Her and his roommate both encouraged him to pick me up, at least to help me get to my train.

 

To my surprise, he was there 2 days later, at the airport. We hugged. Then sat down for two hours and talked it all over. He explained again why he needed to go to India and why we couldn't be together anymore. It was emotional. We held hands. We kissed. I held his head.

 

We then forgot time, then drove to train station and missed my train.

So we went to his house instead, even though he was freaking out about it, cried, screamed that he was hurting so much.

He made a phone call. Then we went to his house. In front of his house he told me that he needed to confess something.

 

He said that this girl was in town. One of his exes. That he had met her several times since she was back and that last night she stayed over. That was the phone call he made. He had to tell her to leave because he was gonna bring me home. I was shocked but pretended to be calm. He said they didnt sleep together but that they were close, had a history and all, and that he doesnt love her. That he just enjoys her company, cause its uncomplicated. He said he never cheated on me, he said that he doesn't want to be with other girls, it's not his desire. He said he hated that during our relationship i always was jealous of this particular girl. He said she was just a friend who could never reach up to me and where i stand. I told him that i understand and i knew he loved me. He asked "do you think we could ever be anything.. without jealousy?" i said "yes, i think so. i am happy you are being honest with me now. we needed this!"

he said "yes, i feel relieved. i am sorry i was never truly honest with you during our relationship.. well, i never lied to you either, but i guess i wash' truly myself at most times and i am sorry for that. i am myself now. do you hate me now?"

i said "no, i still love you, all of you and i am happy you told me" his eyes were shining.

 

I told him to go upstairs, change the sheets, and then i would come up. So he did that. He brought all my suitcases up etc. and then we went upstairs together. He said he felt awful. But relieved that he told me.

 

He said he loved me so much, and that we were 'too close' (closer than he has ever been with anyone, i guess). He had to go to work then. He came back in the evening.

He was exhausted. Told me he almost got fired cause he got to work 2 hours late. His voice was gone. We walked to a restaurant we both like. He bought me dinner and it was romantic.

We walked back home hand in hand.

At night, we ended up sleeping together. It was intense. We slept together again the next morning.

We had breakfast at our favorite cafe.

We didnt talk much in the morning, a lot of staring at each other. Some kisses. Holding hands.

 

We took a taxi to the train station.

We were early, sat there, for 30 min, me on his lap.

He said that he was happy i missed the train. He said, i was right, everything happens for a reason. He said i was wise. And tough. He said he was still 1,5 years younger than me. I TOLD HIM he'll get there.... then he said that he loved me and i told him that i wont go away... He said it was a crazy 24 hours… like he almost got fired… I said, yeah, almost. And he had to smile and looked at me and …

he said that i was right with everything and that he is too dramatic (I told him his decision and the way he did things was very dramatic).

Then the train came

He brought my things on the train and we stood in the doorway.

We kissed. And he said "you know i love you, right?" and i said "i do. i love you too." then the door closed.

Hand on window, like in movie. Then i saw his lips move "i love you" again. i move my lips and whisper too. then wave, train move, he ran after the train and waved some more, shiny eyes, smiled… the train was gone...

 

That was 5 days ago.

What am I supposed to do now?

It's been NC ever since.

I love him and obviously want him back.

I have no idea what my chances are here.

Convinced he loves me, but unsure how long I will have to/can wait...

Any guys here who maybe know what he is going through, other than some sort of identity crisis?

[lamaga]

does anybody have some advice here? i am dying of uncertainty...

[lamaga]

Giving up...

[lamaga]

He was cheating you lucky that u found out...

Dont talk to him again if u know whats good for you

 

 

He didn't cheat on me. Seriously, this is all you guys come up with?

I've read through this forum a lot and felt like there were some good people here.

[TaraMaiden]

If you truly believe he was with that girl - in his apartment - and nothing happened - then you're a lot more gullible than you seem.

 

Take off those rose tinted specs.

this is over.

Of course he cheated on you.

he panicked because there was no choice but to take you back to where she was.

 

Hiding her, subterfuge, cheating - it's all there.

The guy's a flake.

 

All that crappy lovey-dovey stuff?

 

Got you hook, line and sinker.

he even managed to get a goodbye screw from you.

 

Really, read your entire post again, as if you had no clue who was posting.

Can't you see how he pulled the wool over your eyes? Even to the point of not even wanting to come to the station to meet you?

 

Guilt written all over him...

 

I guessed he was screwing someone else, here....

 

He even said I made him very happy, and this is nothing about me, just him having to figure some things out, him wanting to be alone for a while.

 

Yeah. 'Alone'. Right.

 

But WITH somebody else.

 

Stay NC.

 

It's going to be a very long time before you see him again....

[TaraMaiden]

He didn't cheat on me. Seriously, this is all you guys come up with?

I've read through this forum a lot and felt like there were some good people here.

 

Sorry dearest, but just because you don't want to hear it, doesn't make it not true.

 

If you've read the forum - you will know that 99% of the time, when people protest "There's no-one else" - there's someone else.

 

There ARE good people here.

but they tell the truth.

And face it, whichever way you look at it, it's over.

he's on his travels, and unlikely to connect with you again....

Edited March 6, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[lamaga]

Mhh, well.. I just don't see it then I guess. Why did he tell me then that she stayed over? Why did he open up about all of this?

He could have just told me he didn't love me anymore.

He didn't have to go through this whole process of spending time with me again.

 

And she is leaving again for 2 years anyway, so it's not like he left me for her. I don't think she is a threat. Unless there is someone TOTALLY else that I don't know about..

[TaraMaiden]

Mhh, well.. I just don't see it then I guess. Why did he tell me then that she stayed over?

 

Because you would have guessed it anyway. He didn't want you jumping to that conclusion, and have a fight with you - so he 'filled in the missing gaps' to appease you.

Part-truths are as bad as outright lies...

 

Why did he open up about all of this?

because he was forced to.

Look at the fuss he made when he suddenly realised you would HAVE to stay at his apartment, after all...

 

He could have just told me he didn't love me anymore.

No, he was too cowardly for that.

Look, he had already been deceiving you. He already had a girl tucked away in his apartment. He already nearly had a seizure when he realised his game was up. Telling you - in the middle of your journey - that he didn't love you any more - would have just been too direct a truth to tell you.

Too risky. Blow-up really not required.... He simply couldn't face the drama.

 

He didn't have to go through this whole process of spending time with me again.

Of course he did. besides, he got one last phukk out of you - a farewell screw to leave you with memories.... And he couldn't risk NOT having sex with you, when the opportunity arose - that might have made you even more suspicious...

 

He had no choice but to play the love-lorn one-last time merchant....

 

And she is leaving again for 2 years anyway, so it's not like he left me for her.

 

You don't get it... He didn't want a long-term relationship with her - he just wanted to screw her. She was a FWB. A 'filler' while you were away. A man has needs, don't he? He's going to India (apparently).... so it cuts both ways.....

 

I don't think she is a threat. Unless there is someone TOTALLY else that I don't know about..

It doesn't matter.

it's the one you DO know about that should concern you.

[lamaga]

If he slept with her or not doesn't really bother me much.

This was not my main concern with the post..

If he slept with her it was after the break up (she wasn't in town before our break up). So to me this wasn't really the issue.

 

I don't think he just pretended the whole time, that's a bit too much to ask.

I don't doubt his love. That's not really where I worried.

 

But thanks for the input.

[TaraMaiden]

You're missing the point.

He broke up with you, because he was screwing around and realised he really didn't love you half as much as you love him.

It had less to do with In-dia, and more to do with in-her.

 

You need to continue with NC (see signature link) and understand that he's a 'flake'.

 

You won't get him back.

One, because he''s moving abroad, and two - because he really doesn't want a committed relationship he has to work as an LDR, when he can get some so much closer to 'home'.