philosia Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Previous threads: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/375432-so-he-called-again He called several times today, finally I answered and he just poured all out, exactly what I wanted to hear: he loves me, he wants to try again, he cannot live without me, he was such a full, he cries when he sees some of my things that remained at his place, all that he wants is just to meet him that we can talk properly. So we went out this evening and it was like it should have been: we discussed ways of solving our issues, he told me that he loves me, that he learned a lot in this time when we were apart, he was very emotional and we both had to hold on our tears, he told me just to give him a second chance and he will never hurt me again, he held my hands all the time, he kissed my hands, when he led me to my car we stayed inside a little more and he played with my hair like he used to, he buried his face in my hair, he kissed me, and he hugged me really tight telling me how much he missed me. He thanked me for the second chance and I asked him to have patience with me. He says that he understands and that he will do everything to show me his love and commitment. I couldn't tell him that I love him back. I have mixed feelings, I hope it will all work out ok, but I can't be as trustful in him as I was. I know that he's a goodguy and he means well, but I'm afraid that this is just the effect of NC. Our biggest issue is that in about a year I will leave this country for good and emigrate to Canada. Our relationship started to crumble when I got my selection certificate, that means that now this emigrating thing is the real deal and I will go for sure... he wants to remain in this country, and he knew about my plans of emigration from the moment we met. I don't know how it will be next, I'm better off with him than without and he makes me feel so good. I don't know how long will it last but I'm willing to try, even though it will be a bumpy road. Sorry that my ideas are in all direction... I am very confused, when I got back I just sat in the parking lot and cried... He just sent me a text thanking me for this wonderful evening, telling me that he felt so good again like only I can make him feel and that he can't wait to see me again... I'm confused and scared. Any thoughts? Thank you all. 1
jagdude14 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Previous threads: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/375432-so-he-called-again He called several times today, finally I answered and he just poured all out, exactly what I wanted to hear: he loves me, he wants to try again, he cannot live without me, he was such a full, he cries when he sees some of my things that remained at his place, all that he wants is just to meet him that we can talk properly. So we went out this evening and it was like it should have been: we discussed ways of solving our issues, he told me that he loves me, that he learned a lot in this time when we were apart, he was very emotional and we both had to hold on our tears, he told me just to give him a second chance and he will never hurt me again, he held my hands all the time, he kissed my hands, when he led me to my car we stayed inside a little more and he played with my hair like he used to, he buried his face in my hair, he kissed me, and he hugged me really tight telling me how much he missed me. He thanked me for the second chance and I asked him to have patience with me. He says that he understands and that he will do everything to show me his love and commitment. I couldn't tell him that I love him back. I have mixed feelings, I hope it will all work out ok, but I can't be as trustful in him as I was. I know that he's a goodguy and he means well, but I'm afraid that this is just the effect of NC. Our biggest issue is that in about a year I will leave this country for good and emigrate to Canada. Our relationship started to crumble when I got my selection certificate, that means that now this emigrating thing is the real deal and I will go for sure... he wants to remain in this country, and he knew about my plans of emigration from the moment we met. I don't know how it will be next, I'm better off with him than without and he makes me feel so good. I don't know how long will it last but I'm willing to try, even though it will be a bumpy road. Sorry that my ideas are in all direction... I am very confused, when I got back I just sat in the parking lot and cried... He just sent me a text thanking me for this wonderful evening, telling me that he felt so good again like only I can make him feel and that he can't wait to see me again... I'm confused and scared. Any thoughts? Thank you all. We all here want this for the most part. Follow your heart. Only you can answer the question. It is your relationship. We are here for advice on post break up. People may suggest you shouldn't it should get back however you are the only person that can answer the questions of wether or not you can allow it. If it were me and I still had something for this person. I'd give it another shot. I want another shot in my situation so bad. But the. Again I didn't nothing wrong to ruin the first one. 1
Author philosia Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Thank you mark and jag. I know that I have to move now to the second chances subforum, because I am willing to try again. I am so glad that I found you all, all your experiences and advice were so helpful and exactly what I needed at the time. I don't know if everything will work out ok, but I've grown from this experience and I must admit that because of this, I identified good parts also. I think I am much stronger now and I feel that whatever happens I will be able to take it with dignity and maturity. Thank you.
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You are right to be cautious and to just wait.... Remember that Actions speak louder than Words. He needs to put his money where his mouth is. But the separation on the horizon - should this 'second chance' work out as you would ideally like - is going to be all the more painful for you. So what conflicts you is that you know: If this all goes really well now, it simply means that the separation will be heart-wrenchingly painful. But if it doesn't work out, you will have your heart ripped up again, by someone who much as his intentions may have been good, couldn't keep his end of the deal..... And you know what? Nobody can help you with this. All we can do is to 'be here for you'.
Author philosia Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 You are right to be cautious and to just wait.... Remember that Actions speak louder than Words. He needs to put his money where his mouth is. But the separation on the horizon - should this 'second chance' work out as you would ideally like - is going to be all the more painful for you. So what conflicts you is that you know: If this all goes really well now, it simply means that the separation will be heart-wrenchingly painful. But if it doesn't work out, you will have your heart ripped up again, by someone who much as his intentions may have been good, couldn't keep his end of the deal..... And you know what? Nobody can help you with this. All we can do is to 'be here for you'. I know that I will be paying a lot for this when the time for my departure will come, but on the other hand... I still have a year, that's a lot of time and I can't just put my life on hold till then. Oh, if I could have both... Either way, I have a price to pay, it's either risking another heartbreak by him or the separation, one of which will surely happen, or just being miserable alone... A stronger person will choose the latter but I'm not that person.
Thunderchild Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Be careful - what happens after the year and you're off to Canada?? Start finding out how he's gonna make things work when that happens??
Author philosia Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Be careful - what happens after the year and you're off to Canada?? Start finding out how he's gonna make things work when that happens?? We are trying to work on that, but even if we know that our relationship is at big risk of ending then, at least we know what to expect. As someone on here well said, we must accept the fact that all relationships end, either by break-up or death... they are all ending. If I want to find myself an excuse, I can compare it with life... we all know that we are going to die... should we not live our lives because of this reason? 2
KatZee Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I'm kind of confused here but maybe that's just me. What exactly is the POINT of being with him? It's kind of obvious that it's going to end once you leave. You've made up your mind and you're leaving in a year, and he doesn't want to leave his country. So what's the plan? Spend the rest of your lives in a LDR? This is just a waste of time to me. So you're going to be together a year, get close again, and then just pick up and move? The plan needs to be made NOW. What's going to happen when you leave? How will you be together? Can either of you compromise? If the answer is no, just go your separate ways. You're locking yourself into something with a person who you have no future with and you're going to block yourself off to finding someone who WILL be able to have a future relationship with. 2
Author philosia Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) I'm kind of confused here but maybe that's just me. What exactly is the POINT of being with him? It's kind of obvious that it's going to end once you leave. You've made up your mind and you're leaving in a year, and he doesn't want to leave his country. So what's the plan? Spend the rest of your lives in a LDR? This is just a waste of time to me. So you're going to be together a year, get close again, and then just pick up and move? The plan needs to be made NOW. What's going to happen when you leave? How will you be together? Can either of you compromise? If the answer is no, just go your separate ways. You're locking yourself into something with a person who you have no future with and you're going to block yourself off to finding someone who WILL be able to have a future relationship with. I can see your point of view KatZee, you may be right, but the problem is that you try to find reason in an irrational decision, this is a decision based on emotions. We knew before we got together the first time, that I will leave and still, we did it... it ended, now maybe it will start again and of course it will end again... this is senseless, I know, it is... When did love made sense? When was love rational? As long as we don't hurt anybody else in the process... just ourselves... Ok, if I want to rationalize this decision that is based solely on emotion and not logic I can do that. I can understand myself in making this decision and I can explain that I don't believe that there is just one "the one", I think that you are not "meant" for only one person, I think that we can be compatible with other people too. I think that we humans are made to fit better with a "serial monogamy" than just with a partner for life, hence the divorce rate. A great proportion of us have had more than one relationship until we learn what suits us best and most of all until we learn to compromise a lot and keep it going... but for how long? So rarely it is for life... I also can tell myself that I started this emigration process 3 years ago, I couldn't just put my life on hold for all these years. I am not yet 30 years old and I want to live, I want him, I want my new life over seas, I want everything and I'll see what compromises I will have to make. I think that that great situation of finding someone with exactly the same plans as me AND all the rest that it needs to be in place to be in a relationship it's just the perfect scenario that many of us don't get to live, and that includes me. With all that said, I must admit that I am full of doubts and afraid. Today was a hard day for me. He texted me nice messages, he asked me out again but I refuse 'cause I want to take it slow and to allow myself time to take it all in. I even cried a little this evening, I really don't know if I really want him back, I am still confused, I need time... Edited March 4, 2013 by philosia
singme2sleep Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Why did he break up with you? How long were you two apart before he came back?
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 He just wants to use you for free sex before you go to Canada.
Am4Real Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Right! :laugh: He just wants to use you for free sex before you go to Canada.
Wabisabi Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Both of you need to talk about your emigration and what's his workable plan on continuing the relationship once you're in Canada. Hear what he says and you might get an idea if he's serious about the 2nd chance or just want you for sex before you leave.
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