1cookiejar Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I have been lurking in the forums ever since my breakup with her and I must say, some of the advice that you guys have given have really helped in making the sleepless nights shorter, thank you I met Cammy during my first year in college and not long after, we began a truly amazing relationship for two and a half years. She was everything I ever wanted in a girl. There were no doubt obstacles and hurdles along the way and we've always overcome them. However, around last August/September, she started becoming colder and more detached. When I finally asked her about it, she told me that she's no longer feeling like how we were when we first met, and she longed for those feelings once again. I tried assuring her that those feelings would come back, and who knows? They may even be better than before, however, she just told me that she didn't know what to do, and walked off. I was in shock, the last thing I expected in my head when I woke up was this. "Maybe she needs some time, what the heck happened?", I tried telling myself. She did come back 4-5 hours later, in tears and wanting the relationship to continue. We promised to work things out and get to the bottom of why shes feeling this way. Although I was genuinely elated to have her back, what she did opened a pandora's box in my head (sorta). "How could she say that?", "Does she know how unfair it is to me?" were some of the thoughts running through my head. Instead of working positively on these thoughts, I cracked. Went out drinking with friends and got to know this girl. We started texting alot and it seemed so great at that time to be knowing someone else. However, when confronted by this by Cammy, I lied right in her face about not keeping in contact with this girl. I don't know why I did it, but I guess I was ashamed and did not want to make things any worse. Like all lies, they stink and eventually, someone is bound to find them out. In this case, she checked my phone when I was out and found all the messages that I haven't deleted. We had a huge argument and she broke it off by saying,"how can we continue this relationship when I can't trust you anymore?" For the next month, we began the painful struggle of trying to reconcile, I've always known that she had insecurity issues, and I was trying, in every way, to convince her why we should be together. As long as we still loved each other, why give up hope? That was my belief and I stood firm by it. Alas, this was all to no avail, we met up again and she said she just could not get over that incident (it was not the first time I lied and got caught). And it would be better to just move on, because how can you be in a relationship when you do not trust the other person? I've never felt so desperate before, "whatever it takes to trust me again, I'll do it right now!" I remember myself saying. What a foolish statement that was, if only trust can be earned and built so quickly. In the month to come, she did still respond to my texts and we even met up once in January. But as soon as she found out that I was talking to that girl from before, she promptly left and did a "No contact" on me. I tried texting her from time to time but she just ignored all of them. Fastforwarding to valentines' day. I made a bouquet of flowers for her and dropped it off at her doorstep, hoping for the best. She sent me a text a few days later, saying "those flowers were beautiful, let meet up sometime soon". Oh the sense of relief, finally some hope! I was so sure that we were going to slowly work things out and be like before. We met up for drinks and had a great time catching up and just talking. Then just as we were about to leave, I asked her about her valentines' day and she dropped this huge bomb on me, she's now seeing someone else! I don't think there is a word in the dictionary that describes "the feeling when your heart gets punched out of your body", but that was exactly how I felt, knowing that she gave up on us. After talking with her friends, I soon found out that she started seeing this person during the "no contact" period in January. I dropped her a call a week after that night, and just told her how much I treasured those moments we had and all the wonderful things she did for me. I was going to tell her that this will probably be the last time we talk to each other for awhile, let's move on. Things got pretty emotional and when I told her how much I still loved her, she replied with "I love you too". What she said made me overjoyed and yet broken. She loves me but does not want to be with me, what on earth is going on? I am hopelessly lost right now, I still love her and it's so hard coming to terms with the truth. Especially when I was the one who lied to her and made those mistakes. I know that "if I have really loved her, I have to set her free", but how can I do that to someone I care so much about? I know I probably sound really selfish at the moment. Thanks in advance for the help guys
Compromize Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Well brother I feel you pain. It sounds like the only reason she wanted to see you again was to rub your face in the fact that she is seeing someone else. I too went through the almost the same trust issues with my ex-GF, had a girl on FB send me some pictures (not requested by me in any way) and I told my ex-GF about it and she was not happy and dumped me for a month. Got rid of FB and that was 2 years ago. All I can say is stay strong man, if she truly loves you and is willing to forgive she will be back but since she is already in another relationship I'm sure that you really don't want her back anyway. For both of us, let's take what we have done wrong, what we have compromised for, and become better men for it. Be the kind of man that is happy and in turn can make his woman happy. I know I have made my share of mistakes. But I have never been unfaithful and it sounds like you really never have been either and we just need to be the result of all we have learned and absorbed from our previous relationships in our next ones. I for one don't want to play the singles scene. I just want a good, loving relationship with a woman I can be myself with. And of course mind-blowing sex is a big positive as well. A man can dream! Thanks for being a positive influence! Have a good night brother.
Author 1cookiejar Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Thanks for your advice Compromize, it really means a lot Now that I look back at the time we had, it was a wonderful experience and I learnt so much, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. We had our differences and they will still be there even if we force ourselves to get back together. I'm slowly accepting the fact that if she's happy, why shouldn't I be as well? For both of us, let's take what we have done wrong, what we have compromised for, and become better men for it. Be the kind of man that is happy and in turn can make his woman happy. I have the same mindset too, hopefully these experiences are just stepping stones to finding our other half. I really hope you find what you are looking for buddy! And of course mind-blowing sex is a big positive as well Damn right
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