He told me he never wants to speak to me again? Is it over? Can't stop crying

[BrokenHearted101]

I've been going out with David since last March. Early on in our relationship, I had a job 2hrs away, and i got a little too close to a guy i worked with there. There was no physical but definitely emotional infidelity (just texting) but David found that last june when he went through my phone while i was sleeping. He broke up with me. I went to counseling, changed, and never did anything like it again. I literally NEVER texted a guy again while David and I were together.

 

We got back together. I gave him my virginity. We had our ups and downs over the fall. He claims he wanted to marry me when we graduate. The fall was rough. In december, I found out he had replied to 2 personal ads on craigslist. He never went out with the craigslist girls, but it still was wrong. I broke up with him.

 

When he got back for the semester in january, we got back together but that only lasted a week because he called me a "selfish spoiled brat" for not wanting to watch his dog while he went out of town for the weekend (in reality, i live with my parents while attending college, and they've told me if they knew i got back together with him, they will kick me out. They're a little overprotective, and they've been known to drive past david's apartment to see if I'm there. So the reason i couldnt take care of the puppy is i cant even PARK at his complex without risking everything) I broke up, but we started trying to work on things, and just go slow. Then i found out on Superbowl sunday..he had updated his profile on a dating site with a bunch of pics he took for me, all the while he's telling me we're going to work things out.

 

I gave him the silent treatment for 2 days, then he gave it to me for another two (A FIRST for him) but then I forgave him, and we've been working on things the last couple weeks.I remind him we're both single, and he can see other girls if he wants, but just to be honest with me about it. We had a wonderful valentines day as well. He's added a couple girls on fb that just gave me this weird...feeling inside.

 

Yesterday he fell asleep, and after 2hrs..i finally looked at his phone. i saw that a few days ago, one of the fb girls had been texting him, "Im sorry, do you have a girlfriend?" and he had replied, "no, she wants to get back together. i just want to be friends." and the last text said "im looking forward to meeting you!" it was days before. he obviously hasnt met up with her, but why would he say those things if he didnt want to?

 

I told him what i saw, he seemed like "oh arent you happy you saw i hadnt gone out with them"..then he wanted to see my phone. There was a text in there from the guy I almost cheated with last summer--asking me how my valentines day was. I never had replied. He and i have texted a couple times in the last month since my boyfriend and i had all these problems, but im not interested in him AT ALL, and its nothing more than "hey i saw your car. hope all's well."

 

David didnt believe it, even though there was way more than that in HIS phone, and he immeaditly wanted to kick me out of his apartment. This was a 2hr process. He went from saying "i'll talk to you later" to by the end of it "i never want to see you again. i cant believe you did this withthe SAME GUY." remember, DAVID AND I ARENT EVEN TOGETHER RIGHT NOW!

 

The weird part was..he was just so..calm. He kept telling me to leave, but he didnt drag me out, he didnt yell. He would hug me but not kiss me. He didnt throw me out like he has when he's mad.

 

I got drunk last night for the first time ever, wanting to forget. I called him at 3 am, and apparently left a message. he didnt answer but as soon as i hung up, he sent me a emoticon text " :'("I texted him today, to let him know Im not giving up, and im wearing his necklace he gave me.

I also dropped off a white rose and a i love you letter. I havent heard from him.

 

Do you think he'll come around? He's done as much or more wrong than me. I'm 21, a senior in college..and i feel awful.

Edited February 22, 2013 by BrokenHearted101

[stevie_23]

Sigh.

 

It sounds as if you two (if you DO both want to stay together) could really benefit from counselling and some deep, open discussions about what you want from each other in your relationship.

 

You said he's done a lot worse to you than what you've done to him...and yes, in a way, but why would you WANT to stay with a guy who's treated you not so good?

 

I don't know whether he'll talk to you again...he might. It depends. But that may or may not be a good thing long term if he does.

[Kengne]

... for David... because he really has you feeling like the Evil one in all of this, and he might as well be Sweet Baby Jesus.

 

Now I know you are young (21) so I'm just going to KEEP IT REAL with you, because you have the resiliency to MOVE ON.

 

Here's what it is:

 

Your ex bf David - is stringing you along. He's checking for other women - as evidenced by his repeat online activity (eg FB, craiglist, dating sites). To be honest girl, I bet he's been "active" online long before he caught you emotionally cheating - and clearly, you never caught him FIRST - but now, he doesn't have to hide so much since YOU were the one who actually got caught doing funky shyt first, thus making him "The Victim".

 

When in reality, he is KEEPING HIS OPTIONS OPEN - because right now, aside from you guys being broken up - he is single - AND - you are not his number one priority/prize. He is keeping you on the back burner in the hopes that something, anything, BETTER, comes along.

 

As you can imagine - this isn't good - for you obviously, and it's not going to get better anytime soon (if at all). The more you CHASE - the less he will desire you, because you are essentially doing his job (hunting/chasing). Men are hunters, they need to chase, to value their prize (you, woman). He is supposed to work to keep you - THE PRIZE - you are supposed to be receptive, soft, laid back, easy breezy beautiful cover girl. Why would he chase something that would lay itself at it's feet for him?

 

STOP dropping off soppy letters & flowers - are you dating a female (named David) or a MAN (named David)? By pursuing him, you are making yourself less & less desirable.

 

WHAT YOU NEED to do - is stop - and do absolutely nothing. Learn to be still and go straight into NC. Let him WONDER about you and what is going on in your life.

 

Let him work. Stop doing a man's work.

 

K.

[coffeebean201]

He has a lot of pride.

 

And he emotionally copies whatever you do in conflict situations.

 

And he's busy right now with new girl(s).

 

I wouldn't wait around for him. But when stuff gets sorted out, he sounds like a good man.

[JourneyLady]

A guy who will turn around on you and make everything your fault is not relationship material. You read him, right ? He just "wants to be friends." He wants to keep you as back up girl in case he doesn't have a date or a someone to have sex with that night.

 

Leave him behind. Get a book called "Gaslighting" and don't let anyone do that to you again, because it will leave you vulnerable until you're older and trying not to be jaded, like myself.

 

There's one of those photo sayings out there that says "Don't make someone a priority in your life when to them you are only an option." Post that up somewhere where you can see it daily.

 

Start looking to date more mature, responsible men before you end up with a disease... The guy is an obvious player.

 

I know a young man who doesn't believe in marriage, and one of my daily prayers is that he is honest about it, and doesn't get some young lady pregnant.