131313 Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 I think part of acceptance of a break up comes when you stop being hurt and angry, stop focusing on all the ways you were done wrong, and start looking inside yourself instead. I definitely made mistakes and have things I am sorry I did during our relationship. I am sorry for the ways that I hurt him, even though objectively he has done much much worse damage to me. I still have to look at my own actions with a critical eye and admit my wrongs. So after all that my actual question is, do you think accepting responsibility for some of what happened in a breakup can also be dangerous? Can it make you backslide and start only remembering the good things? Link to post Share on other sites
BUBS Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 I think that you are on point about having to take responsibility for your actions in a relationship in order to learn from it and prevent those things from ruining future relationships or contributing to the demise, however I think that the downfall is what I am currently going through right now in the many waves of emotion, which is that it can lead to you blaming yourself even if the other person did way worse by you, you can manipulate yourself to believe they wouldnt have if you hadnt made the mistakes you did... which brings you to a point of putting them on a pedestal that they dont deserve, and also can make you pretty self loathing. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 I think part of acceptance of a break up comes when you stop being hurt and angry, stop focusing on all the ways you were done wrong, and start looking inside yourself instead. I definitely made mistakes and have things I am sorry I did during our relationship. I am sorry for the ways that I hurt him, even though objectively he has done much much worse damage to me. I still have to look at my own actions with a critical eye and admit my wrongs. So after all that my actual question is, do you think accepting responsibility for some of what happened in a breakup can also be dangerous? Can it make you backslide and start only remembering the good things? it isn't dangerous understanding and accepting responsibility. what IS dangerous, is the idea that you need to try to prove this to your jilted ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 131313 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 Good things to think about. Just have to keep a healthy balance of thoughts. Not get into a negative thought process that makes me get a case of the "what ifs?". It's over and done and time to move on, I can forgive myself for the things I did wrong and eventually ill forgive him too. For my own sake, not for his. And he doesn't have to know any of this whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Good things to think about. Just have to keep a healthy balance of thoughts. Not get into a negative thought process that makes me get a case of the "what ifs?". It's over and done and time to move on, I can forgive myself for the things I did wrong and eventually ill forgive him too. For my own sake, not for his. And he doesn't have to know any of this whatsoever. ^^ tgat is the proper method to take blame and accept responsibility...for YOURSELF. Link to post Share on other sites
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