cdt76 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 So say you break up with someone you really loved. Regardless of time together you loved that person. So you break up and go no contact. If the dumper never contacts you again, did you even matter to that person? Did you touching their life matter at all? I mean we all believe that things happen for a reason. So if we fell for someone who never contacts us again ...ever, then did our feelings ever matter to that person?
AlexfromBoston Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Not necessarily...in fact, he/she may be taking the same advice as you and is using NC as a means to heal. In fact, your ex could be posting on this forum asking for the same advice and relaying the same concerns..you never know. My ex told me personally, if I didn't contact her she would never have contacted me...she would've assumed I didn't care. Some women want their man to fight for them, whereas, others will be ignored. Only you will know if NC is right for you. Some may not attempt to contact based on their own stupid pride. 1
Author cdt76 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Well I made the effort and let her know how I feel. Went nc right after I cut off her phone. I'm just thinking she won't ever contact me again and if that is the case then basically the time we were together was wasted
thekarmacist Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 i've read some of your story, and your time together wasn't a waste if you learned something from it. this woman is a user and a sociopath. YOU aren't a waste, and YOUR efforts were not wasted even if she behaves like a prostitute and didn't result in a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
ak8o8 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Sorry you feel that way, but I don't think it's time wasted. At the very least you learned what it is you want from your next partner and what it is you're not looking for. You've gained that much more experience in life.
Author cdt76 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 But see that's the thing. I knew what I wanted before meeting this girl. I knew how to treat her so that she would KNOW my feelings and I told her, so it's not like it was a secret. She changed at some point around November. She changed completely. She was no longer the person I original met and fell for. The only thing I learned really is that no matter how you play the game, be it mysterious or brutally honest, the other person may just check out of the relationship at some point and there is nothing you can do about it. I mean, she KNEW I bought her a ring. I told her because I wanted her to know how serious I was about our relationship. But it didn't matter. Nothing I did or had done, mattered in the end. Her selfishness and corupted integrity won out over love. Did I have any impact on her life at all? Did our relationship have any bearing on her soul? She did on me. Because she made me think and feel things I've never felt before and I had wanted so much to end the dating game because of her. I wanted her to be my ONE. Was it a misplaced desire considering what I know now? Probably. But I still felt that way. I still wanted her and the baby in my life forever. It will also be hard to move on because I was addicted to her physically and emotionally. I was addicted to the passion and intensity. Will I find that again? I don't know. Maybe. But with each heartbreak it becomes harder and harder to open up and let feelings out. It becomes harder and harder to be myself because I want to protect me. And, in all honesty, I'm so tired of dating. I'm tired of hoping and I'm tired of searching and I know the saying of "it will happen when you least expect it" but that's crap. I've expected it all my life. So while she will forever be apart of my heart, I won't be much of a distant memory in hers.
Mack05 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) So say you break up with someone you really loved. Regardless of time together you loved that person. So you break up and go no contact. If the dumper never contacts you again, did you even matter to that person? Did you touching their life matter at all? I mean we all believe that things happen for a reason. So if we fell for someone who never contacts us again ...ever, then did our feelings ever matter to that person? You mattered to the person. Doesn't matter if it was a nasty breakup or it is cordial. You mattered. The unselfish dumpers actually never contact you again, because they know that is the right thing to do. I have been the dumper before. My ex's will always matter to me. I just knew in my heart there was no happy future there. Just because I don't contact them doesn't mean they never mattered to me, or that I don't hope they are very happy. We shared some funny, tender, intimate moments together. So it doesn't matter if they like me/hate me, they will always be special to me. They helped shape who I am today. Some dumpers take rejection far too personally. Sure they are some lessons to be learnt in rejection, but most times the dumpers know the relationship is not a natural fit for them. It doesn't mean that there was anything fundamentally wrong with the dumpee. Far from it. The dumpers who know they did wrong sometimes break no contact to ease their guilt, but more often then not this just throws the dumpee into more turmoil. You should be focusing on whether you mattered or not. You did. You need to focus on healing and then finding a girl who you never have to ask the question "do I matter or not"... Edited February 19, 2013 by Mack05 3
Author cdt76 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 You did. You need to focus on healing and then finding a girl who you never have to ask the question "do I matter or not"... Well, put. I feel sick! Thanks for the kind words. I hope she is out there and I meet her soon!
flitzanu Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 So say you break up with someone you really loved. Regardless of time together you loved that person. So you break up and go no contact. If the dumper never contacts you again, did you even matter to that person? Did you touching their life matter at all? I mean we all believe that things happen for a reason. So if we fell for someone who never contacts us again ...ever, then did our feelings ever matter to that person? yes you mattered for the time you were together. now you're not together, and you're not that chapter of her life. simple as that.
Chi townD Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 My Ex never contacted me again and I'm COMPLETELY fine with that.
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