Weird Breakup

[BlueBlue]

I just got out of a 3 month relationship and am having second thoughts about letting it go. I hope you all can help me sort this out.

 

I met him online and we hit it off right away. He mentioned he and his ex-wife split up close to 3 years ago, so I thought he’d been single for a reasonable amount of time until he mentions he immediately rebounded into a 2 year on-and-off relationship with a woman who sounds very dysfunctional (he met this woman about 3 months after his wife left). He and the girlfriend broke up in May of 2012, so he’d been single for about 5 months when we met.

 

He seemed very serious about me and treated me very well, introduced me to his friends and family, and we spent plenty of time together. However, about 1.5 weeks before we split he became really distant. I asked him what was wrong, if I could do anything to help, etc., and he said he was just distracted with work (which I did not believe). It felt horrible to be in a relationship with someone who was pulling away and wouldn’t really open up about what was wrong, so I felt like I should break it off. The night I had decided to break it off, he says he wants to talk because he’s having some doubts about our relationship. So, we were on the same page. We both agreed that something felt “off”, but that we really like each other a lot. After the conversation, though, we were getting a long great again just like we had in the beginning. We spent a few more hours together and then agreed we’d both give it some more thought and meet again in a week to discuss. In that week, I decided I was open to continuing the relationship , but only if he could really open up and be consistent.

 

We’d agreed to get together on a Friday, but he contacts me 2 days in advance asking to have dinner. I thought that was weird, but agreed. Then at dinner, I ask him why he contacted me early and what was on his mind. He then asked me to say my piece first, but the waitress interrupted us and after she walked away I asked him to go first. He said he feels like he’s still hung up on both of his ex’s, and that he should be alone right now and taking time to heal. He admitted that rebounding right after his marriage had set him back some, but that he is also weirdly hung up on this ex-girlfriend even though he knows she isn’t an appropriate partner for him. He then said he feels like he’s been “dating out of desperation” since his 40th birthday is coming up soon and he wanted to be in a serious relationship by then. He said when he met me he was really excited because I’m the type of woman he wants, but that he’s realized he just isn’t ready (which I took as code for “he’s just not that into me”). He added, though, that he’s missed me a lot in the 5 days we hadn’t seen each other, and I agreed that I’d missed him too. He also said there were a few times during the relationship that he’s almost said “I love you,” but held himself back for some reason. He then asked me to say what I’d been thinking over the past week, but I felt like he’d more or less ended the conversation already by saying he needed to be alone, so I told him I agreed he should take some time to be alone and that we should end things.

 

Here’s where it gets weird. When we walked out of the restaurant we had our arm around each other’s waist and were talking about dating in general. I (somewhat playfully) said something about how he can’t be jealous of other men coming onto me anymore since we just broke up, and his response was to grab me and passionately kiss me. We made out in the street for at least 10 minutes. Wtf? Not normal breakup behavior!

 

2 days later (this past Friday), I went to his house to get back my clothes, toothbrush, etc. We had texted and emailed all morning and for some reason I was feeling really excited to see him. He was working from home and we ended up hanging out all afternoon. When we saw each other we both ran up to each other and hugged/kissed for a while, with much more feeling and passion than ever before. Then we both kept looking for reasons to stall for time (i.e. he kept offering me more cups of tea so I’d stay), and I really didn’t want to go actually. We were genuinely enjoying each other again, joking around, just hanging out, talking about deep stuff, etc. He didn’t try to get me in bed again or anything.

 

However, I still got all my stuff together anyway and returned his key (he’d given it to me because I’d taken care of his cat while he was on vacation), because I just couldn’t get the things he’d said about being hung up on his ex’s and his “desperate dating” behaviors out of my head. Plus, anyone who is letting me go isn’t really that into me anyway, right?

As he was walking out of the bathroom he said “Oh, don’t forget your toothbrush…unless you want to leave it here.” Once again, wtf. As I was leaving we hugged again for a long time and kissed a lot. Once I left I started sobbing the minute I left his building.

 

We’ve had no contact since that day, and I’m trying to get over it but am feeling extremely unresolved. I was NOT expecting the passion and communication to open back up like that again. I almost got the feeling he wanted me to talk him out of the breakup (?) Clearly there are mixed feelings here.

 

But should I do anything? I’m not one to chase a man around or try to talk them into a relationship, but I’ve never encountered anything like this before. Normally, even if I’m the dumpee I at least have a sense of resolution when things are over. But this just feels…unfinished or something. Any advice would be appreciated.